on being happy

I am in a state of... great fulfillment.

my expensive ass headphones is blaring the best music I've heard in a while.

no, I am not drunk, nor am I high... no controlled or illegal chemicals are in my body.

on the contrary, I just had dinner... and that's it.

Stardust's Music Sounds Better With You is as beautiful as the time when I was drunk during new year, but this time, I can feel my face and hands.bass thumping, bass booming... treble's tickling but not sibilant... the clarity of it all without having sharp edges. it's all... beautiful.

Broken Social Scene's Pacific Theme transports me into the most picturesque shoreline, despite not having any lyrics at all, every beat of the drum, every hit of the tambourine, every pluck and strum of the guitar, every bassline, every note on the synthesizer... it all speaks to me, of beauty and happiness.

I am zen

and then oh, the brass section starts to do their thing. trombones fascinate me, and when they play in harmonies it's all... beautiful.

Animal Collective's Fireworks play... it's my new year's song, but at anytime of the year, it's absurdities and percussion puts me in a trance, admittedly, I feel that I look stupid on the train when this song plays. but when the beating of the drums drive the song, you can't help but be carried away by the beat. every hit of the snare is accurate and crisp, every bang of the toms is boomy but remains in its own frequency... despite how weird it can be, it's all, okay... I am weird.

but it remains, like all... beautiful.

Kevin Drew's Aging Faces/Losing Places... it's one of those songs which remind me of the girl I like. it's needless to say that it's all... beautiful.

can I ask for anything more?

I don't know.

what I do know, however, are my limitations... I am well aware that happiness ends at a certain point. if tomorrow I'll be way wayyyy down, then so be it. that has always been the way I've gone through life... being zen about it. when life gives you cake, take it. when life gives you turd, take it. in everything there is inherent goodness because it's all... beautiful.