realizing my value

I've been in a funk for the past couple of days... weeks? month? I dunno. I've gone as far as claiming that I've lost my reason to live. well it may be true to an extent, but that shouldn't stop me from returning to my prime form and start being me again.

for the past couple of years, I've had the momentum. a girl came into my life, she was an unreachable star, I made myself better in order to become worth to that "star", someone took her away without as long as a build up as I did, and made me a very sad panda. but that does not matter anymore because if you take the latter part of the story and stopped at me being better, I can tread a different path... the path to pseudo-enlightenment.

it has been my duty as an obsessive stalker to really turn into someone worth her time. along the way, I won some hearts; hearts which I cannot claim for I've set my eyes on a different prize. but hey, not all things go your way and you'll sometimes have to take a U turn. my stock's gone up, I am a better person, I have done things that my high school self could only wish he could achieve. I stopped becoming a loser and started becoming a winner. I am a winner! yes! I AM A WINNER! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

and no, I did not ctrl+c ctrl+v that thing

it's time that I look at myself and not at my loss and see how good of a person I really am. at this point, I'd like to think that I am worth almost anyone's time. my doucheyness and weirdness show up sporadically unlike back then when I live, breathe, eat weird shit... no wait, that didn't sound right... I eat normal things, and breathe normal air... I'm just... weird at times... well you probably get the point.

and that, ladies and gentlemen or whoever happens to be reading this, is one of those instances where my weirdness come out of nowhere. I actually intended for that sentiment to really hold ground, but I rarely filter what I say, which would be apparent in my countless grammatical and typographical errors.

my point: I am a guy worth anybody's time. I'd have my pros and cons, just like everybody else, but it won't be debilitating, I guess? sometimes, I would doubt my value, like right now, but most of the time, I know what I'm worth and I am not a loser!

or at least that's what I tell myself...