season's over, I have no raison d'etre again.
I had countless chances, I could've taken off with her, but I blew it cause I waited too long. funny how way back then, I had no patience to wait for someone I used to like... and not I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I am never the guy that know how to do things in moderation.
but ah well, no point in sulking, screw ups happen and you learn how to live with it. this beats premarital pregnancy by a long shot anyway, so in some ways, I haven't totally lost.
it's not easy though, one does not simply get over the loss of someone whom you've been enamored with for the past couple of years. back in high school, when I first learned the word "unrequited", I used it like crazy, on things which I thought were so major for me, but nah, I'm at a point in my life where I learn the true meaning of "unrequited" and I learned it the hard way.
I've invested so much time for her, not her directly, but the idea of "her". so how does that work? I look at the takeaway. was the past 3 years a waste of time? I don't think so. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, she made me into a better person. it's funny to admit though, that the person that made me better than I had ever been was the one whom I never had the chance to actually meet and talk to...
...come to think of it, that seems much like a celebrity or a notable figure to idolize. except I didn't want to be her, I wanted to be WITH her.
wanting is one thing, actually putting in the effort to really make that dream into reality is something different altogether. something which I failed to achieve. but ah well, failures.
you just don't expect everything in life to work out the way you thought it would or you'd even want it to be... again, where is my mind?
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