punching above my weight

I'm a relatively attractive person... I have facts to prove it. no, really, I'd like to think that I'm, in some degree, attractive. but somehow, I seem to notice that I tend to attract women which are of a higher socioeconomic strata than I am.

so what? am I some guy which affluent women flock on to? I am not THAT attractive. my charm lies in... well... I really don't know specifically... that's actually a mystery I've yet to crack... which... I....well...

anyway, going back, I seem to notice that, yes, for some reason, I seem to cater to some women who have a bigger net worth than I do. not that I am bragging, despite the fact that I might seem to be doing so, but my point is: in the dynamic of the man being the provider in a relationship, how could I possibly "provide" when the woman could actually provide for the both of us without having to lift a finger? it's probably an issue of pride more than anything, I suppose. part of me sees how much of a pussy I'd be if the girl provided for the both of us, so what would I be? some kind of.... I dunno. how do guys treat women if they're the providers?

but in reality, women who provide for the man is rare. though I'd like to be involved in such a dynamic, provided how lazy I am, I just can't... otherwise, I'd end up growing old single. not unless maybe there's a desperate woman in her 50s looking for a companion until she dies, but if given the chance to hook up with someone like that, I'd politely decline cause, though I may be the type of person who does not wants everybody happy and not hurt any feelings, I just can't be lured into a relationship where I can get all the money I want.

it may sound out of character for me, but I've reached a point in my life that I am less about the money and more about the intangibles. is it maturity? have I realized already that money does not buy happiness? is it me being inundated with the crap of consumerism? is it me reading too much buddhist or hindu doctrines? I can't tell for certain, but what I do know is that money does not concern me as much as it used to...

and would probably be the reason why I won't make a good "provider" in a relationship, not unless I hook up with a hippie or a woman below my socioeconomic strata or if I hook up with such a wonderful woman who doesn't care about money and consider spending time with me is worth more than anything... but then again, that cheesy bullcrap does not exist for so long. sooner or later, reality will hit us all and break our heart-shaped glasses...

...because idealism can only get you so far until the world eats you up unless you face facts.