26

there's something so vapid about birthday greetings.

it's mostly from people you don't really care about, and when you get greetings from people you truly care about, it's either from people you hate, or people you actually want in your life. unfortunately, there is a horrendously small percentage of birthday greetings that I actually appreciate.

i wish my birthdays would be like ordinary days. but they're really not. they're worse days because I have to waddle through politely interacting with people more than usual - despite having at least a couple of offenses against them in the past.

in an ideal world, all of my human relationships would be superficial and limited. cause really, i'm only as good as what i can offer to the person. do i make funny jokes? good, then let me tell you some jokes - nothing more. do i deliver well on a particular request? good, then let me do that for you - nothing more. do i make a great confidant? good, then let me listen to whatever it is you're comfortable disclosing - nothing more.

my relationships with other people turn sour the moment i fail. while there's a case to be made for endearing failures and it may be fine for you, it's not for me. i don't like the looming stress of constantly remembering that at one point, i screwed up.

that's why i love kids. cause what i do for them, be it good or bad, won't be remembered.

that's why i love one-off friendships. cause what i do for them, be it good or bad, won't matter later.

that's why i'm alone.