i've always held the belief that i'm replaceable - no matter how special anyone makes me feel.
there's always that looming fear that other people are better at the things that i can do, and that those people can easily just swoop in and render me obsolete. that's what drives me to work harder. but there doesn't seem to be an end. being on top is not absolute, but being left behind perennial.
that's why i've resigned to the idea that i will have to be comfortably suffering in the swing of things. but that doesn't mean i'm giving up on life.
it just means i'm preparing to disappear.
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