years of waiting

and wanting, but never really taking any action... something significant happened.

I've been meaning to write something about it, but then I was... consumed by the feeling of... I dunno how to describe it.

saying that I've waited years may sound pretty long, but being realistic, it's practically just two years. for most people though, two years seems like a long time. most relationships I know don't even last a year or so, or maybe I'm just meeting the wrong people? I dunno how I managed to endure just looking at her facebook profile, itching to click the "add as friend" button. For some, they say, that adding someone on facebook isn't too much of a big deal. maybe that's why having hundreds of virtual friends is something taken for granted.

of all the things that would happen, I never expected that the moment I've been waiting for would happen on the field I play on, with the sport I grew to love, and on the day that the last thing, no... not even the last thing, it was NEVER on the list of things that could possibly happen on that day.

saturday morning... october 22... 2012

a football tournament on UST grounds, supposedly if it weren't for the rescheduling, I would've been with my mom and sister in Mindanao on the longest zipline in Asia. but no, I chose to play, because I love winning. and so there I was with my teammates, my friends, getting prepared for clobbering time. I've been there, three times at least, and rarely do I get surprises. but that day... the girl that I like so much... was there. a teammate of mine who have known that I liked her informed me that she was there, that she was going to play "keeper" and I thought he was just fucking with me, but rarely does that guy fuck with me. but there was a great sense of disbelief and I told myself "I want her to be there, but no, it's highly improbable that she'll be there" and yes, at times I do think in english.

but yeah... she was there.

never in my wildest dreams that I will get to spend the whole day with her, playing the sport I love in the university I first saw her. though I wasn't "spending" the whole day with her, I am a bad social butterfly, no, I am a social moth... for a lack of a better term. there I was reluctantly avoiding her, but wanting to get to meet her. it happens to us sometimes, maybe... sa tagalog: torpe. and I haven't had much experience with dealing with ladies. I've been trying to compensate for my lack of ladies skills by being a confidant to them, but unfortunately I still lack the basic social skills.

practically the whole day passed and I was there just staring at her when I get the chance, she's pretty... not the prettiest, but I can settle with that. cause it never gets old. I had numerous chances of not being single and getting it on with someone and be in a relationship, not to sound cheesy though but a fair warning: it will get cheesy (if this hasn't gone cheesy yet), she has always been there. though I haven't met her yet, and yes a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, I'd rather dive into the uncertainty of the bush (and no this is not a double entendre) and take the risk of remaining single hoping to get a chance with her.

I said before though, probably not here, that I love being single. it's true, unlike most people I know, not only can I survive being single, but I can be truly happy on my own. but when the opportunity presents itself with the right person... I still do not know if I should take it. I really really REALLY want to, but then am I the right man for the job? have I developed into the person that would make it work for her?

can't answer that until I really take the first step. cause realistically, friending someone on facebook isn't too much of a step.