I knew the years would move quickly...

...but never quite as fast as this.

pero ewan, gagawa ba ko ng New Year's Resolution? di naman ako gumagawa ng ganun ever, at tamad naman akong nilalang kaya di rin matutuloy yun eh.

oo nga 'no, gawin ko kayang New Year's Resolution na di na ko magiging tamad!

meh.. sabi sa TV ang dapat gawing New Year's Resolution eh yung bagay na di mo na makayanan. eh di naman problema saken ang pagiging tamad eh. oo nga may mga bagay akong di nagagawa o natatapos, oo puro mediocre lang grades ko... pero at least di pa ko nagsa-suffer ng malubha dahil sa katamaran.

so what? maghihintay akong may masamang mangyari saken?

c'mon! as if naman may nangyayaring masama pag tamad ka. walang mangyayaring masama sa taong tamad! bagkus, ang mga masasamang bagay ay nangyayari sa mga taong may ginagawa. tulad ng isang lawyer na di tamad, ipinagtanggol ang isang kliyente niya, at ang kalaban niya ay isang malaking organized crime ring... nung naipanalo niya ang kaso, pinatumba siya ng bossing ng organized crime ring. oo, nagsipag siya at gumawa ng mabuti... pero may nangyaring masama sa kanya!

oo, yung fictitious na scenario ang gagamitin ko para i-justify ang katamaran ko. but point is, I get by... I passed UST, isang institusyon na pinaghirapang pasukan ng mga taga-FEU o UE, nang tamad. I haven't failed any subject in college, although may mga pagkakataon na muntik na ko, nang tamad. oo, walang nararating ang tamad, alam ko yun. at mas pinili ko pa rin maging tamad kahit alam ko na ang ramifications ng gagawin ko, or lack thereof. pero yun ang mas madaling daan na pwede tahakin. ang walang gawin.

kaya di pa ko nagiging honor student, kaya isa akong malaking disappointment sa mga former mentors ko, kaya di pa ko nagkakagirlfriend, kaya di pa ko nagkaka-lisensya, kaya na-deactivate yung sim ko... maraming bagay ang kulang saken dahil sa katamaran ko. pero hey, its not a problem. billion others can live without those things, why can't I be one of them?

cause they are miserable folks who go nowhere... but you have the potential to do great.

true, I've always been aware that I am capable of doing great things... pero without self-control or determination you won't be able to do anything. that's the problem with the world, they tell you that you have the potential... and that's it. they just state a possibility, and they expect you to do it. yeah sure, if insert name of an accomplished individual here can do it, then why can't you? oh yeah... but remember the known fact that NOT EVERYBODY IS THE SAME?

some people can be their best by working their asses off, but not for me. I guess I can, but... I've always been too lazy... and I am too lazy to even change it.

so this 2011, I will...

reasons why everone should race

everyone should know the fundamentals of racing. that'd make the world a better place.

why?

cause before you were even born, you started out as a race. or at least half of you did. read: union of sperm and egg cells

but apart from that, I have legitimate reasons why everyone should know how to race.

cause I've been playing Gran Turismo 5 for quite some time now and after playing the series for more than a decade, I realized something... that there are certain aspects of racing which works in our daily lives.

yeah sure, racing is just about who gets from point A to point B first, but there are things which happens in between points A and B.

exhibit A:
The Tires - defined as the only part of the car that gets into contact with the road itself and thus gets you to the finish line, tires are pretty important if you want to win a race.

there was an instance where I tuned up a car, overhauled the engine and all that jazz. what I practically did was I made it a very very very powerful car capable of speeds nearing 300km/h. I did a race using that car, but then shit started to happen. my car would spin out of control at times, it won't break as intended so I crashed into a pile of tires. I analyzed the post-race data in order to find out what went wrong... it was the tires. I had hard comfort tires, which practically doesn't have grip... ergo, I skid around the tracks and spun out of control.

moral of the story? I have a lot of things in mind really... like how its important to be grounded. or what truly matters is what makes contact. or you have to get a grip on things, otherwise you'd lose control. its open to sooooo much interpretation, so I'll let you decide cause I can't.

exhibit B-
Lap Time

racing, just like running events, is timed. time how long it took you to finish one lap, time it took you to finish the whole race. and its pretty much a sport where every second count.

I was doing a license test, and in order to get gold I have to finish the track in 1 minute and 17 seconds... and to finish silver 1 minute and 19 seconds... and to finish bronze was 1 minute and 25 seconds. I practically spent the whole night trying to finish the track 2 seconds faster than I did. I spent more than 5 hours trying to nail that 2 seconds. TWO SECONDS FOR GOD'S SAKE!! yeah sure, I came close... 1 second shaved off. but I came closest when I finished 1 minute and 17.298 seconds. I made a fucking mistake for .298 seconds... its insane and unforgiving. just like life.

moral of the story, you may not notice it... but every second counts, seriously. you can try to downplay the importance of the seconds in your life, but who knows? those seconds you waste can possibly turn into 60. and that 60 can turn into 3,600. and that 3,600 can turn into 86,400. which can turn into 604,800... and you get the point. or you don't... either way, this entry is just as good as toilet literature.

exhibit C-
What's Outside The Windows

while doing this blog entry, I ran out of ideas, cause my main point really was exhibit B. but then I started playing again. I was driving a Lamborghini Gallardo, if you're not familiar with the car think: super badass 400 horsepower sportscar. It was at night, at Tuscany. I drove as fast as I could in the darkness, only my headlamps showing the way... but at the middle of the race, out in the distance there were fireworks. it looked beautiful, coloring the night sky, good music playing from the background... I was distracted. for a second I took my eyes of the visible road, but then I crashed into the barriers. I eventually lost the race, all because of... video game fireworks! not even the fancy, Paskuhan type fireworks.

for the nth time, moral of the story: keep your eyes on the road. you will be presented with a million other temptations, but remember to focus... otherwise you'll get screwed. or I dunno, sometimes you're not even on the right track, and your true destination is towards the fireworks.

anyway... I can't think of anything else cause some annoying kid is pretending to fight the TV. its 42 inches and its LCD... ergo, its bigger than the boy and its pretty fragile. and the TV is the only thing I have. apart from my playstation... and this netbook.. and my family.

but yeah, I hate kids. I don't find them cute. I think they're annoying. and thank god they don't understand english, cause they're reading this just as I type. *ding* I just had an amazing idea.

"hey kids, FUCK YOU"

put your hang up in the air

aftermath ng pasko...

marami sigurong di nakatanggap ng regalong inaasam nila, marami sigurong di nagkaroon ng matinong celebration, at marami rin sigurong di nagpasko... dahil di sila katoliko.

...at sa dinami-dami ng taong yun, kayo lang ang magbabasa nito na di man lang aabot ng double digits.

oo, nadismaya rin ako... pero di lang ngayong holiday season. on a regular basis, nadidisappoint ako. irrational, oo, pero what can I do, di naman ako makina para maka-get over it kaagad. come to think of it, pag nadidisappoint ako ng bongga, nag-va-vow ako na balang araw mapapa-sakin din yung di ko natanggap noon.

kaya pag di ko nabibili yung laruan na gusto ko talaga, pina-pramis ko sa sarili ko na "balang araw, magkakatrabaho ako, yayaman ako, at mabibili ko rin yang laruan na yan" magpupursigi akong makuha yan para balang araw ma-re-live ko yung youth that I've always wanted. parang si Michael Jackson. at oo, alam kong wasak ang buhay niya. pero what can I do, I don't have the luxury of being human enough to care for others.

oo, isa akong selfish na nilalang. yun lagi ang pinupukpok ng magulang ko sa aking kokote. pero di ko na sila kokontrahin, aminado naman ako eh. I only care about myself, and I only care about others if their well being will benefits me.

pero ayun, nabubuhay ako para sa sarili ko, para sa mga gamit na di ko nakuha. at pagkatanda ko, pagka wala na ang magulang ko ay may asawa na mga kapatid ko, nakatira ako mag-isa sa condo ko na puno ng mga laruan na may dalawang tennis court, isang hard court at clay.

lahat ng makamundong bagay ay inasam ko ng sobra...

...until I discovered religion.

oo, religion changed my life.

*this is the part where you get shocked and not be able to fully grasp the idea that Kenneth was touched by religion*

no, the scriptures didn't tell me anything. napipikon ako pag nagse-sermon ang pari, lalo na pag tungkol sa pamilya o sa pera o sa trabaho o sa marangyang buhay... as if naman may sapat na karanasan siya bilang isang ama, o negosyante, o in demand na bachelor. at ang masaklap pa dun, linggo-linggo pumupunta ang libu-libong nananalig para sabihang may mali sa kanila and shit. o baka di sila nakikinig critically habang nagsesermon ang pari o baka nag-zo-zone out lang sila habang misa at ginagawa lang ito na parang routine. at yun ang masaklap sa catholic church.

kaya I have found solace in Hinduism.

oo, sa relihiyong nageencourage na hugasan ang sarili sa maduming ilog ng Ganges.

oo, sa relihiyiong sinusunog ang mga newly-widowed.

oo, sa relihiyong rine-revere ang holy shit.

salamat sa subject kong Philosophical Anthropology, ang bullshit (pun intended) na practices ng Hinduism finally made sense. sa paniniwala ng mga Hindu ko nabitawan ang pagiging materialistic ko, ang pagiging stuck sa cycle ng consumerism, and most importantly, ang mga hang up ko.

oo, masyadong mystical ang paniniwala ng mga Hindu. at oo, mas may rational explanation ang Buddhism. pero ewan, Hindu belief really struck home for me. mula sa mga readings ng Upanishads, at ang pag-explain na within us are souls which is Atman, which is a part of the greater universe which is Brahman. so ibig sabihin our souls and the universe flows as one, we are part of the universe in as much as the universe is part of us.

pero on a more practical sense, sa Hinduism ko rin natutunan na we give in to our material wants in order to appease the pain of being incomplete. and Hinduism encourages us to find the true self, the self which does not experience pain and therefore does not need worldly belongings, the state of dreamless sleep. because in our waking hours, we are stuck in a cycle of wanting something and once we get it, we shift our wants elsewhere. I mean we already are already stuck in a cycle of birth and rebirth, according to Hindu and Buddhist beliefs, although I do not subscribe to that concept fully.

cause at the end of the road when all is said and done, you'll look back and ponder... what did I live for? what were the dreams that I chased? for what did I spent my past 60 years (assuming you live up to the life expectancy of a male Filipino) for?

will you allow yourself to be hung up on a cycle of materialism in order to get your mind off the pain of living with the material self?

or will you take the noble path?

...to find the self which does not experience pain from a lack of material things. the self which finds solace on its own without having to depend on anything.

maligayang paksiw

baket kaya may mga taong di nararamdaman ang pasko?

may kaibigan akong may girlfriend at mayaman, pero di niya daw nararamdaman ang pasko.

may kaibigan akong weirdo at sakristan na know it all, di rin daw niya nararadaman na pasko.

at ako, ang batang maraming hangups na walang ginawa buong taon kundi man-stalk... pero nararamdaman ko naman ang spirit of christmas.

anong klaseng tao ba ang manhid sa spirit of christmas? malabong isang miserableng tao, dahil may kilala akong thrid world equivalent ni richie rich pero di daw niya nararamdaman na pasko na. posible siguro na may kulang sa kanila o may inaasahan silang may magandang mangyayari sa pasko pero di nangyari kaya nadismaya siguro sila.

kaya as much as possible, I keep my expectations low.

ano ba naman kasi mapapala mo pag nag-expect ka ng bongga diba? as if naman may telepathic ability ka para lalong pagbutihin ng universe na gawin ang inaasahan mo. pwede mo rin sabihin sa tao na mataas expectation mo sa kanila, pero pasko ang pinaguusapan natin. di mo pwede sabihin na mataas expectation mo sa isang abstract idea, kasi magmumuka kang avid reader ng mga self-help books.

wala namang masama sa pag-basa ng self-help books, marangal na pinagkakakitaan rin yan at as if naman ganun ka-laki ang royalties na natatanggap ng mga awtor ng mga librong yan.

pero ayun... kahit papaano umasa na rin ako at na-disappoint. pero dahil naman kasi ang pag-asa lang ang ginawa ko. di ko sinet up yung sitwasyon upang mangyari ang inaasahan ko. tulad lang kanina, inaasahan kong dadaan kami sa isang mall para makabili ako ng Gran Turismo 5. pero next time na lang daw. o inasahan ko dati na mananalo ang Nederland laban sa Espanya nung World Cup Final. pero naputol ang winning streak ng pambato ko. o tulad ng pag-exam ko sa ateneo, na dahil sobrang nadalian ako feel na feel ko nang magiging katipunan boy na ko. pero hinde, ang tumanggap saken ay ang royal and pontifical.

siguro naman mas masaklap ang mga disappointing moments ng karamihan ng tao, pero kahit gano pa ka-babaw ang sitwasyon ko. dagok pa rin ito.

pero di ako magdadrama sa isang tabi buong araw at magsasayang ng oras. hinde, magdadrama lang ako ng ilang minuto for added effect, matapos nito ay pagpaplanuhan ko na ang susunod kong gagawin. madalas ko nga sabihin sa sarili ko "now that I am in deep shit, how do I swim out of it?" oo, kahit sarili kong psyche iniingles ko, at oo yun na yung metaphor na gagamitin ko.

bilang isang ekonomista, lahat ng bagay ay maka-classify as resource, kahit ang time. at trabaho ng isang ekonomista ang pag-maximize ng resources. exception to the rule ang peysbuk, ayos lang pagsayangan ng panahon ang peysbuk... ewan ko kung baket.. pero ayos lang. pero ang pag-dadrama at pag-whine, wala kang napapala dun.. maaring mas wala kang mapapala sa peysbuk.. pero at least di ka malungkot o nababagot... unless nagdadrama ka habang gumagamit ng peysbuk, krimen na yun.

ewan ko ba kung ano point ko, pero lagi naman akong malabo eh... what difference does it make? tska lagi namang wala kang mapapala sa pag-basa nito eh... kaya mag peysbuk ka na lang...

...better yet, go out and make the world a better place to live in one deed at a time. ayos?

to get her

that's what you have to do in order to be TOGETHER.

but as of now, I just want to talk to her. so I'll be a STALKER.

just pretend it rolls off the tongue pretty well.

anyway, I wanted this to be part 2 of my last entry, cause... I didn't seem to end it all too well. and because I wanted to say more but I wasn't able to cause... some random intellectual property right came to mind and my train of thought got derailed.

part 2:

okay, stalking isn't the easiest thing to do. no wait, it is. cause I seem to get a kick out of trying to live out scenarios in the games I play. err... don't get the idea that I play creepy stalker games. no, I play normal games normal people play... in america, or japan, or europe. cause normal people here in the philippines play dota and stuff. which I can't seem to enjoy. or probably I am just too pussified to face tough competition.

stalking probably is pathetic to some, if not, everyone. yeah, I'll admit it, I don't have the balls to just approach someone and say hi. It doesn't work that way for me, I work better in the shadows. like an assassination job, but instead of me doing the killing, its cupid's job to pull the string of his/her bow, all I have to do is to provide a name, a face, an information.

cause really, the one I am stalking right now wasn't the easiest to catch. last year, the only thing I knew about her was she's a 2nd year Literature major. but now, I pretty much know her educational background, activities she engaged in, her family, the car his dad drives, her friends, and her friends information. tell me now, I am just fucking awesome right?

Once I was in a contemplative state after watching Richard Linklater's Waking Life, I had the balls to click the 'add as friend' button. but having no friends in common, she ignored my request. after which I got paranoid, thinking that she probably knows me now and I am a sitting duck waiting to be ridiculed by her army of girls which came from exclusive schools. and a swarm of exclusive school girls are, scary.

she knows me, but I know her more. but it came to a point where it felt like it was some worthless research. its like doing philosophical dissertations, it ain't practical. a dude with balls would've gotten her with lesser effort than a stalker like me would. and so it came to be, it was probably a summer of love, or something else. but if my intel was correct at the time, she had a relationship from May to late-November/early-December. even if she might've broken up, I feel like I missed the chance. cause it'll roughly be around a year and a half until she graduates, and during my senior year I should stop being a stalker...

...by then she and I have to be together™

can you say 'stalker'?

for a year now, it seems... but it doesn't feel like its that long. or probably because I don't think about how long it has been. and to prove that, I'll prove myself wrong by saying that I started stalking her january of 2010.

it's been almost a year... what's new?

I vowed last year to find out her name, to put a name on that beautiful painting. but no (it may sound cheesy) she's more than a painting. cause I seemed to have placed her on a pedestal (and you can't put paintings on pedestals) and I feel inferior to her (which to some extent is true but that's not the point)

and when you feel inferior, you feel like you don't have the right to have someone or something. and I don't want that to happen. I would like to believe (no matter how far fetched it may be) that she and I will be something. without the drama of being overly possessive and insecure, like my good friend which seems to have problems with his girlfriend every now and then. wait, on second thought, 'every now and then' is an understatement, 'every single day' makes sense.

tall, dark, and lovely. that's me, wouldn't you agree? that's also her.

I'm not pretty sure if I posted this long ago, but she's different. I'd see her for a few seconds, and it makes my day. or even before my day start, I'd be with her in a dream and the moment I wake up with that hazy memory of being with her already makes my day. Some days, I'd try to stay a bit longer at school just to catch a glimpse of her. Are there other people who are as obsessed as I am? who knows. but fact of the matter is, she's different. different from every pretty face I see in university.

like, no matter how many pretty faces catch my eyes, there'll be this one lady who catches my heart.

OKAY! THAT LINE IS MINE! I WILL SUE ANYONE WHO TRIES TO PUT IT IN THEIR INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY WITHOUT GIVING ME DUE COMPENSATION! I'll put a trademark after it just to prove my point.

like, no matter how many pretty faces catch my eyes, there'll be this one lady who catches my heart.™

SO NO ONE CAN TAKE THAT LINE!!

or probably you can, if and only if, you girl caught you checking out other ladies. and if that wins the argument, then send me money!

wow, I've deviated from the topic like... I'm trippin' on shrooms.

25 days ago...

...someone was reading the seemingly sensible ideas from an anhedonic individual.

25 days later...

...I type again.

I do not expect people to read this anymore, and by people I meant the one or two readers I normally have. In the same manner as the populace from social networking sites move from one site to another determined by trends and the amount of people using it, Multiply has died.

I am merely feeding a dead man's agape mouth by still doing this.

I won't be here for too long, maybe a few posts here and there... until it all dies out. Which seems to be the case in online trends. cause everything is just a trend, what we waste time on will not matter in the next decade. The things which we try to accomplish on websites are short-term triumphs. We seemed to have been conditioned by the internet to live in the present, which I do think should be, but we also seemed to have lost the ability to step back and look at what we are doing into perspective.

Its either that or I am making assumptions based on things pulled out from my ass.

which seems to be the case innit?

lover's speat

it feels different now, when I hear her song... resonating in my head.

initially, it gave me a great sense of optimism. it made me believe that maybe this was really it given that I felt something every time our eyes meet, even just for a second or two. I might've blew my chances when I had it before, now it all seems like a blur.

at times I can still feel the optimism though faint, it's still there... like a ship disappearing into the horizon.

but nowadays, its nothing but a lost cause it seems. something which felt real, but really isn't. something which I almost had, but never got.

I guess I truly am tied to a night we've never met...

...hi I am Kenneth.. and you are?

nagaaral ako tapos bilang may na-amoy akong iniihaw na liempo

kaya naisipan kong bumalik sa friendster

oo, may koneksyon yun... maniwala ka saken.

linibot ko ang friendster (na siyempre, naka-anonymous) at di ko akalaing magiging isang time capsule ang websayt na ito.

dito ko binabalikan ang masalimuot kong kabataan kung saan ang ka-weirdo-han ko ay buhay na buhay pa. sinubukan kong alalahanin ang mga nakasulat sa profile ko dati, kaso nga lang di ko forte ang pag-alala ng kahit ano, so ang tanging tagapag-paalala ng aking nakaraan sa friendster ay ang mga profile pictures ko.

noon ay ginagamit ko pa ang 7250 ng aking ina para kumuha ng letrato at gumastos ng kinse pesos para lang ma-send sa e-mail ko at ma-upload sa friendster upang gawing profile picture. pa-goth pa ko nun at walang pimples. kahiya-hiya, oo. pero wala akong magagawa, ganun talaga ako. kaya siguro naiintindihan ko kung pano gumana ang utak ng mga pa-cool, dahil I was once there. pero di ako nagpapaka-goth dati para magmukang cool sa paningin ng ibang tao, ginagawa ko talaga ang ka-goth-an na yun para sa sarili ko talaga, dun ko nararamdaman na may kinalulugaran ako sa mundong ito, kahit ang pagiging goth ay pagiging out of place sa society.

dun pa lang eh, malalaman mo nang weirdo talaga ako. muka akong gago sa mga pose ko sa mga profile pictures ko, as ngayon iniisip ko "ano nga bang pumasok sa utak ko't ginawa ko yun?" so nung kabataan ko pa lang, sinisira ko na imahe ko. so ngayon talaga, dapat ang maging gelpren ko ay isang taong di alam ang aking history. dahil sa tingin ko naman eh nag-bago na ko. ata? ewan, weirdo pa rin siguro ako, kaso nga lang ngayon... aware ako na weirdo ako so di ko na sineseryoso sarili ko at pinagtatawanan ko na lang mga ginagawa kong ka-weirdu-han.

pero ewan ko ba, di naman ako nanghihinayang na puro ka-weirduhan pinag-gagawa ko noon. pero kahit ngayon, ka-weirduhan pa rin pinag-gagawa ko eh. sadyang ginawa ako ng diyos upang maging weirdo sa mundong ito. at tanggap ko yun. pero that doesn't mean na bawal ko baguhin.

dahil ang importante lang naman sa buhay ay maging masaya.

something in the way

"too much time is wasted on being shy"

...a former teammate said

and I dreamt of her again...

but this time it was different, it felt real...

yeah sure every dream feels real... but this felt like it could possibly happen

I wish it'll happen... although wishing alone isn't enough to make dreams into reality.. no matter how real your dream may feel

work for it, work hard...

cause in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

oo nga naman, di team sports ang basketball

may nabasa akong essay or blag entry siguro, pero sa peysbuk ko nakita na baka kinuha mula sa spot.ph... so sabihin na lang natin gawa niya.

whatever

nakakatuwang basahin ang mga gawa ni Lourd De Veyra... at mas lalong natutuwa ako kapag nagkakapareho kami ng sinusulat.

nabasa ko lang kanina, na mukang matagal na niyang ginawa, yung tungkol sa di pagka-hilig ng mga pinoy sa football. medyo nagkakatugma kami sa ilang punto, may mga punto akong mukang ako lang magiisip dahil baliw ako, at may mga punto siyang di ko man lang naisip.

na ang mga pinoy ay mahilig rin sa team sports... tulad ng basketbol.. so di lang si Pacquiao o Bata Reyes o si Vera ang minamahal ng bayan... mahal rin ng bayan ang Boston at Lakers!

kaso nga lang, sino ba pinapanood ng mga pinoy sa basketball? yung team as one functioning unit ba o si Kobe as a one man team?

pero pwede ring i-argue na di lang naman isang tao ang nagdadala ng isang team sa Finals.. tingnan mo si LeBron, hirap dalhin ang Cavs eh... so kelangan talagang may supporting cast ka.. tulad nila Gasol, Pippen, at Williams.

kaso nga lang sa sports equipment market, ang lumalabas individual sport pa rin ang basketball. Tingnan mo mga sapatos pang basketbol ng Nike at adidas, nakapangalan kila LeBron at Kobe at Durant at T-Mac at KG.. ikumpara mo naman sa football shoes, ang tanging sapatos na ipinangalan sa isang atleta ay ang R10 ni Ronaldihno.. matapos nun the shoes exist on their own.

enough about me bashing basketball, don't get me wrong, I play basketball... cause I have no other choice really. but when you're exposed to something for so long, you start to love it.

and the simplest answer why filipinos don't love football, is cause we just don't play it.

as simple as that...

wave back, you're a celebrity...

there have been considerably more people greeting me in ust ever since I joined the team...

football team that is

trouble is... I can't seem to remember names and faces easily. I know its a left brained or right brained thing, so being unable to both only means that I am utterly dumb.

and I'm not really the most outgoing of persons, so its not programmed into my head that I should immediately wave and say hi to someone who greets me. just this morning there was a guy who kinda looked like the guy I played with yesterday, but I'm not sure if he really is that guy... so he waved and gave me a nod, so I processed the information, then thought of what to do next... then I gave a friendly nod and the salute-ish thing I always do... so yeah... it took me.. more than a second to do something which every normal being should immediately be able to do.

and this afternoon, after going out of the building, a lady sitting on the AB Pav shouted my name... then I gave the lady a quizzical look but given that she was actually saying hi at me but I presumed she was from the women's team.. so I returned with a naive-ish hello.. yes from one side of the road to another.

and lastly, after spending time with my black posse... on the same spot where the lady greeted me, but this time it was waaaaaay more crowded with the kids ending their classes, I kept on hearing a lady scream my name... I'm not generally well known so I pretty much ignored it, and given that there really isn't any point in anyone calling me in the middle of an extremely crowded area.. I assumed it was the same lady who said hi... but.. why?

oh well... maybe I need to get rid of this introvertedness and shit

cause I too am a social being

dahil ang importante lang naman satin ay ang maka-iskor at di ang bansa

kaya siguro di mabenta ang football sa mga pinoy eh kasi... nasanay tayo sa basketball.. na high scoring

at sobrang nasanay na tayo iskor lang ang tinitingan... eh di na natin naiintindihan ang sport mismo... it becomes a game of numbers rather than a game of players on the field... or court...

kaya narealize ko rin, nakakabadtrip yung mga taong iskor lang habol nung NBA Finals.. kabadtrip pag may magtetext ng update ng score tapos tatanongin ko "sino naka-iskor? ano FG percentage niya? pano siya naka-iskor?" pero syempre dahil iskor lang ang tinetext.. imahinasyon ko na lang ang gumagana... AND IT IS NOT THE FREAKING SPORT!

kaya I see no hope for Filipinos to develop a passion for football the same way other countries have... dahil ang importante sa atin ay iskor... at sa football.. the score doesn't say much... kung numero lang naman importante sa atin... mag-stock market na lang tayo!

yes I am pissed off.. pero siguro kasi bitter ako dahil mas gusto ng pinoy ang basketball keysa football... and basketball is a sport of tall people... which filipinos aren't... the dutch in general are suited for basketball because they're median height is considerably tall... and their passion sport is football... yeah sure its not bad to wish to be tall... but it just adds to the things that we try to become but obviously aren't... which prevents us in loving ourselves... and in turn loving our country...

oo, because of basketball we can't love our country... because we want to be something else... we see what we're lacking... and not what we have

so really... its not an issue of which sport should filipinos love... but why filipinos can't love their country because they love something which they obviously aren't

its sad... and I rarely see hope for anything

...now looking at the current state of our country, can you?

Mr. rightside

as much as possible I don't say sorry... and mean it

cause early on I learned that a child can never be right. what parents say is law and if you think otherwise, no matter how right you think you may be, you are wrong.

from then on I learned that we're all wrong in one way or another... and that we can always be right, all you need to do is to exploit what's wrong about the person and hope that you break the person down before he reveals your flaws.

yes... I believe I am always right.. rarely do I admit that I am wrong.. cause as long as you can persuade other people into thinking you are right... you will be right.

should I be a lawyer? I dunno... do lawyers have to be lawful people?

but yeah, I am being raised into a lawyer... so my benefactors should face the consequences of having someone who can right a wrong. otherwise, raise a doctor... or an accountant.

pers day sa sican yir

cliche blog entry nanaman po

pero yeah... this is the weirdest pers day ever... ewna ko ba kung baket

siguro dahil kasi sa bagong bintana, hello lush greeneries and polluted skies of manila. pero ang weird talaga, di ko gets kung baket... parang.. may iba... AY OO! irreg na kasi yung bespren kong negro. and it saddens me na most of his subjects kukunin niya sa kabilang section. pero ayos lang, marami pa rin namang negro sa eco1. tulad ni Uche... na mukang i-e-enjoy ko ang company niya.

dahil world cup nanaman...

mas mapaguusapan pa rin ang NBA Finals

kasi naman, ang madalas na reklamo ng mga pilipino sa football ay antagal maka-iskor. ang paboritong linya na narinig ko mula sa isang kaibigan ko "kabadtrip yan eh 'no? pag 80 minutes ka nang naglalaro tapos 0:0 pa rin ang iskor"

at napaisip ako, baket iskor lang ang pinapansin ng mga tao sa isang sport?

siguro kasi tayo'y isang basketball loving nation at nasanay tayo sa high scoring games kaya nakakapanibago ang isang laro kung saan sobrang madalas umiskor ang isang team.

pero naisip ko naman...

siguro ang mga taong di maka-appreciate sa football ay mga taong walang hilig sa sports

kasi sa basketball, madaling malaman kung anong team ang nagpeperform ng mabuti at kadalas yun yung team na may lead. so sa isang tinginan pa lang alam na ng isang viewer ang performance ng dalawang teams. pero sa football, mas dapat pansinin kung ano ang nangyayari sa pitch keysa kung ano ang nangyayari sa scoreboard. so importanteng pinagtutuunan mo ng atensyon ang laro.

pero naisip ko rin...

na baka di colonial mentality ang dahilan kung baket mabenta ang basketbol sa pilipinas

kasi kung cononial mentality nga, edi dapat mabenta rin sa atin ang american football. sadyang kinalakihan ng bansa natin ang basketbol... kahit di tayo isa sa mga top basketball countries.

sports... kung saan sa individual events lang nagsa-succeed ang pilipinas

says a lot about our country eh?

summer ends

and I am quite hesitant to go back to class

...not because I wish I was studying elsewhere, although I am one of those smart ass kids who thought they had a good chance of passing UPCAT. I did however passed UPLB's standards, but my dad knew I was a latent communist and a far away commie haven isn't something he'd want me to stay in.

looking back, I think it was a good call from him. I think I'd be better off in the royal and pontifical university with my new found friends.

and by friends, I mean 20-something year old black people and 20-something year old people who left their militarized country.

cause really, I can't imagine myself being able to survive UST without them. I'd be like the knoller classmate of mine who hated my guts. She'd probably hate me more if I followed suit and transferred to UPD as well. but I think it'd be better for her to not see me anyway.

I noticed lately, that the age baracket of my friends have been on the extremes. like, I'd either have friends who are really young or friends who are much older. Here at home most of my friends are 9 to 12 years younger than me and at school my friends are 5 to 7 years older than I am. Its kinda absurd, but I seem to have a hard time getting along with people of my age. Maybe because age is just a number, and how we conduct ourselves isn't necessarily in tune with our age. So the reason why I have friends younger than me is that I am maybe young at heart and I still have this youthful naivete which drives me to become curious about the world and it's quirks. And I have older friends is cause they stand as entities which help me discover more cause they've experienced life more and they can share their wisdom with me.

and yeah... curiosity killed the cat, killing something which has nine lives... that's a huge feat. so in theory, curiosity can easily kill a human being... look at the Curies.

but oh well.. I'd rather die because of my curiosity, hello Steve Irwin, than to remain unmoved like a stone.

cause a ship in a harbor is safe but that is not what ships were built for.

sun, sun, sun here he comes

ang swallow ay isang bird... and I'd like to have a swallow bird someday... and I will name it Swallow... and I will teach it tricks to make it come to me.. I'll order it to come by saying "Swallow, come!"

anyway..

I just can't get over the whole Seaman thing in South Park

you are not my friend if you don't see the humor in "Swallow, come!"... seriously... I found myself rolling on the floor lauging out loud when I heard that...

but on a much more serious note... but really, anything can be more serious than the "Swallow, come" gag

sooooooo yeah... the dark clouds are upon us... again, I will find it very depressing... as with every rainy season... but I do hope that the weather remains consistent.

why?

cause if the weather remains consistent, meaning depressingly cloudy with a few drizzling here and there, then we might not face another Ondoy. cause like, I'd rather have it rainy all year long than have it rain so hard in one weekend.

or wait.. maybe I'd rather have another Ondoy.

being the cold hearted bastard that I am, I think it would be more beneficial on my part to have another super typhoon. cause for one, our place isn't susceptible to flooding and when Ondoy drowned Marikina and Pasig, the water levels here were only up until our ankles. another justification would be less class for me, cause to be honest I think high school education seemed to be more worth studying than college.. or maybe I haven't had enough major subjects yet to be interested in college. and lastly, I want another Ondoy to happen because the insurance company where my tita works will be full of salvaged goods. That's like instant 75% off on clothing and shoes and hygeiene stuff.. which I definitely need but definitely don't use much.

yes, I am a caveman

but yeah, I am not a fan of the gloomy weather. I used to like it grey all around, but I kind of pussied out and started to love the vivid colors I see with the sun around.

yes, I am also a hippie

so I am a caveman hippie who wants a Swallow bird to come

...not much of a blog entry, innit?

the love you take...

...is equal to the love you make

and obviously I haven't been making any.. at all

but I'm working on it... don't worry

I've been living a very positive lifestyle. No hatred, all love. Maybe that's why I've been feeling better, cause I love more than I hate. Cause when you obsess about the things you hate about life, it seems like poison. Especially when you don't do anything about it, like you just sit in one corner and you wrap your mind around a certain issue which pisses you off, and in the end nothing productive ever comes out of it. Unless more hatred is your ideal product.

Really now, one could have an infinite amount of reasons to hate life. Cause everything is bound to be flawed, cause the life we live in is flawed, therefore nothing can ever be perfect. But when you look at the reasons why you hate life, and try to turn it into something else, like something to change in order to make life better or something which you can learn how to love and in doing so adds more reason why you should love life. Cause the list of things why should you love life is pretty short in comparison to the reasons why you should hate life, but if you try to turn at least one reason to hate life into something why you should love life and a million other people follow you, then who knows... the world could possibly be an even better place to live in.

no, I do not read self help books... it sounds stupid. cause how do you help yourself when clearly you're reading someone else's words

all of these musings appeared out of thin air when I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine who usually talks about negative stuff about other people... and thanks to him I wasted your time again.

but seriously, love more than you hate... I promise you the sky will be bluer, the grass will be greener, and the sun will still blind you if you stare at it directly

first of summer with the football squad

Cara was right... I should play football. *starts thinking how cara and I came to know each other... oh yeah, we met a DeviantArt.. wait.. was that her? or was it the watercoloring lady?*

so yeah... I should play football.. and that was what I've doing for the past month..

for some strange reason, I've been enjoying life a bit because of it...  maybe its because of elevated testosterone in my bloodstream after playing or just the general human contact which I don't usually get during the summer.. cause well, me and the computer and facebook is all the human contact I basically get

so yeah... football is a contact sport played with people... so yeah... I get human contact that way... it may not be the gentlest of ways.. but hey, beggars can't be choosers.. and compared to getting a girlfriend and playing football.. I get more human contact waaaaaay cheaper with football than if I had a girlfriend.. c'mon its a no brainer.. 21 guys on the field versus 1 lady.. *please do get my humor*

beda football seems to be an entirely different experience from AB football... my most major gripe really is the drama that transpires among the members.. like, they'd be saying bad things about other members and stuff.. I felt like I was in pinoy big brother or something... I wasn't expecting drama at all but if this is how the team works, then let it be.. this could've been easily fixed, I suppose, with proper communication. from my frist impression, they'd rather tell other people about their problem regarding someone than telling the person they have a problem with directly. who knows? they could probably fix the problem immediately which could develop rapport between the people involved which in turn could translate into better chemistry on the field.

although chemistry might be a huge problem for the team in this year's goodwill games... because I brought along with me my nigerian friends. lack of communication, imbalance of talent, and maybe difference in skin color... are just some of the factors which might contribute to a lack of chemistry for the team.. but if the filipinos can communicate with the nigerians in the same way I did.. the only problem will be the difference in talent, that and the difference in skin color

and this is where I drop a bunch of names.. which can be easily found by using google..

I've made a bunch of good friends from the team, lucky me, top of the list would be the guy who is always present on the pitch.. Horazio Morales, or Horace, or Hor if you're the college of science peeps type... he's on the top of my list cause for one, he sounds like one of my most favorite persons in high school, Prince Karl Cabural!! their voices sound so much identical its quite funny already.. its like seeing a guy which sounds like cabural but isn't as cute and doesn't have golden teeth...but yeah, I like Horace.. and another, cause he's always there on the pitch, except for that one time in the UP Sunken Garden.. but yeah, he's fairly consistent

next on my list is Morrys Sarmiento, I know he reads a few of my blog entries, hello to you, another guy I like.. and no, I am not saying that because he might see this.. I genuinely think the he's great.. he may have a few character flaws but he's better than a lot of the people I've met in UST.. usually he and I'd be just talking, well generally its him who does the talking cause he's more aware of the situation of the football team and I'm still on the part where I observe everything, cause jumping in immediately without prior knowledge is dangerous or maybe even social suicide... out of all the people I've met, it is him who has a lot of gripes about the team.. and from what I can see is he's the silent sufferer type, like, he doesn't confront the people he has problems with, so he waits until the other person gets a clue.. so given that I'm a self-proclaimed body language expert, it'll be easy for me to know if he has qualms against anyone

and lastly would be Borgy, or Niel, or whatever you want to call him... I call him Borgy cause its a letter more than orgy, and because he looks like Borgie Hermida, and because he's from San Beda grade school.. I think generally, I like people of benedictine upbringing.. so you might call me biased, but he seems to be a lot of fun, so far my conversations with him were very insightful.. something I always love... although the trouble with him is he gets a lot of flak from Ben Abdalla, one of the nigerians of AB, and that is just one of the reasons why chemistry will be a problem for the AB team...

wow.. this seems to be long.. I wanted to put in more but no one read this much unless you are involved with the sport and the team