cognitive dissonance

I need to zap my brains out... because I know things will eventually get better but I don't wanna wait...

Insulin shock would be totally cool at least I don't have to open my skull.. all I need is a syringe and then.. waiting will be much easier..

but I'm Mr. "I don't wanna sleep because I wanna experience life more".. and now I want to basically fall asleep for an extremely long time.. meh... let's just say I have nothing to look forward to when I wake up since the 5th season of House will end next week and I have to wait until September for my next fix.. and I don't see a bright future for the Houston Rockets.. they just got lucky..

but then again.. when I wake up again the problem is still there.. I still have to deal with it... escapism won't work.. this is stupid..

I couldn't deal with it.. or maybe the problem is nonexistent.. its just some symptom of psychosis..

oh well.. I'm off to buy pills that will hopefully keep me sane again...