best in the world

until I die, I'll convince myself one thing...

that I am THE...

best in the world

which in all intents and purposes isn't really the true... for most of you at least. I know no one better than I am, thus I am THE BEST IN THE WORLD. try convincing yourself that, it works very well to keep yourself from falling into a slump.

I should be disappointed and disheartened and shit cause I had my first failure... but you know what? I deserved it. I can take it... LIKE A BOSS. My transcript is forever ruined. my employment opportunities will dwindle down to less than idea jobs. but hey, I'm the BEST IN THE WORLD. and no matter how reality disproves that, it still holds some truth in me. that I am a the best a disappointing the people around me, that I am the best in pulling out a rabbit out of my hat when you least expect it, and also I am the best at being ambivalent.

ambivalence stuck to me the most cause it's what my biology teacher back in high school, the famed Danny Seguban, told my mom. I never had a name for my style, let alone knew that I had a style. "ambivalence" has a nice ring to it... but really, it's just being "inconsistent". which is true for the most part, my inconsistency has always been THE cause for frustration for the people around me. come to think of it though, I've had times where I was consistently doing something... or consistently not doing something, and that is trying to be consistent with my performance.

I always seem to fall into the trap of resting on my laurels. I do love resting... especially on laurels, but the couch is an equally good proposition as well. both prevents me from achieving something... but hey, I wanna rest, c'mon, wouldn't you want to do it too?