pardon

and I'm back from Pangasinan...

and I want to stay at home.. forever... or maybe not.. sometimes I feel like sleeping with the fishes..

I just saw a drunken crushed dead jeepney driver...

in a truck and jeepeny accident...

seeing someone who looks like sucking his own junk with thick blood splattered all over with a little bit of brain matter isn't as glamorous as I expected...

its... not sad as well.. it feels kinda empty.. seeing how anyone could die just like that... it kinda makes you feel like death makes everything you did on this world... irrelevant..

no.. I don't feel like Trina Etong-ing right now.. because it's cheaper to live..

you pay the hospital people for trying to make you live.. you pay the Arlingtons for the memorial services.. you pay the petroleum companies for the transportation of my corpse.. you pay the cupcake and biscuit companies so that you have food to serve during the wake.. you pay cemetery for the lot.. you pay rent..

but when you choose to live.. you can live on fifty pesos McDonald's meals on a daily basis.. you can do bedspacing if you don't have a place to sleep..

I can't say that life is beautiful... because I haven't felt death yet..

but I'm pretty sure that what I have right now is something I can work with and manage... living is difficult..

but this bird in my hand is worth two in the bush..