wala akong matinong makausap sa oras na ito. kung di sabaw ang usapan, di sila mag-re-reply. pero sanay naman na ko sa scenariong yun. hmmmm... except siguro yung sabaw na kausap, kadalasan kasi di talaga nagrereply mga kachat ko eh.
pero baket nga ba natin klenagan ng kausap? baket nga ba natin kelangan ng kasama? at baket nga ba natin kelangan natin manatiling in touch sa mga tao? lalo na't uso na ang internet at sms, kahit mag-isa tayo para na ring andyan mga kaibigan o kaaway natin. sa panahon rin ng internet at sms lalong nagiging cheap ang pagiging torpe. dati-rati kapag torpe ka, upang makilala ang iniirog mo, magpapatulong ka sa mga kakilala niya. may socialization na nangyayari on a personal level, pero ngayon andali na lang mag-add... madali rin ma-reject. ang bridge mo online service, devoid of any meaningful human interaction, not unless you consider typing a meaningful human interaction... though nowadays that seems to be the trend, especially for people who practically live in the internet.
erase... ayaw kong mag-ingles.
dati-rati rin kapag torpe ka upang makapag-reach out sa iniirog mo, gagawan mo pa siya ng love letter. di pa uso emoticons nun, kaya mas formal pa dating. pero most importantly, sulat kamay at sariling papel ang gamit... in short, heartfelt pa ang pag-communicate. ngayon, ang synthetic ng feel. pwede na mag-text, pwede na mag-im, pwede na mag-poke.
dati-rati kapag torpe ka upang makilala ang iniirog mo, either kilalanin mo through her friend o kilalanin mo talaga siya. eh ngayon andali na lang mag-type ng pangalan sa google, not unless google-proof ang pangalan mo tulad ng Kenneth Fernandez. pinadali ng internet ang pag-sa-stalk, I should know dahil experto ako dito.
pero sino nga ba ako para ipagkumpara ang practices ng mga torpe noon at ngayon? oo aminado ako na modern day torpe ako. nakikita't nararanasan ko ang kung anu-anong katorpehan ng internet age. oo, madali, pero it cheapens the sincerity of your advances. pero if your online advances can translate well into the real world, good for you... eh malas ko na lang.
pero oo nga naman, kung real life ang tawag mo sa personal interaction... so ibig sabihin di real ang interaction niyo online?
Monday, August 15, 2011
Friday, June 03, 2011
sunrises
I like waking up early...
there is something uplifting about the sight of trees... sparkling... the morning dew help the trees emanate this beautiful aura.
the warmth of the sunlight kissing your cheeks as you lie on your bed. then you open your eyes and all colors are vivid. the grass is as green as it can be... and you lay there. moist. comforting.
...but unfortunately I find it difficult to get off from bed.
there is something uplifting about the sight of trees... sparkling... the morning dew help the trees emanate this beautiful aura.
the warmth of the sunlight kissing your cheeks as you lie on your bed. then you open your eyes and all colors are vivid. the grass is as green as it can be... and you lay there. moist. comforting.
...but unfortunately I find it difficult to get off from bed.
Monday, May 30, 2011
socially aware
it seems to me that the more social networking sites you regularly use, the better the likelihood that you do not have a real life.
either that or I am again full of shit.
but really, everything nowadays can be done online. You can make friends online, buy stuff online, be a total jackass under a shroud of anonymity online, or even have an erotic conversation with someone and say you had "sex"... it's awesome, yeah sure, but sometimes it prevents us from really connecting to other people... and no, I haven't done every single aforementioned activities.
do you really think that the friends you only talk to online is as good as a friend who's personally there with you?
probably, yeah... hmmm... most likely.
but there are things you miss when you just send instant messages to each other... such as sarcasm. it's such a difficult thing to convey using only words. well, smileys help... and maybe that desperate /sarcasm tag, but yeah... I am totally lost and I do not know what my point is anymore.
enjoy the silence.
either that or I am again full of shit.
but really, everything nowadays can be done online. You can make friends online, buy stuff online, be a total jackass under a shroud of anonymity online, or even have an erotic conversation with someone and say you had "sex"... it's awesome, yeah sure, but sometimes it prevents us from really connecting to other people... and no, I haven't done every single aforementioned activities.
do you really think that the friends you only talk to online is as good as a friend who's personally there with you?
probably, yeah... hmmm... most likely.
but there are things you miss when you just send instant messages to each other... such as sarcasm. it's such a difficult thing to convey using only words. well, smileys help... and maybe that desperate /sarcasm tag, but yeah... I am totally lost and I do not know what my point is anymore.
enjoy the silence.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
chance encounters
sometimes you just wish that everything good in the world would just fall in place. but unfortunately, we have to work hard for whatever good you want out of life.
...or sometimes when you're lucky, maybe you're one of the few lucky individuals to be able to have good things happen to you just because you were in the right place at the right time. if so, please do not waste the opportunity given to you...
but for everyone else, I sympathize. I would also the things I like so much to just be there or at least the opportunity to be able to be with whatever I like so much, in the proper context.
*whispers something to you*
...or sometimes when you're lucky, maybe you're one of the few lucky individuals to be able to have good things happen to you just because you were in the right place at the right time. if so, please do not waste the opportunity given to you...
but for everyone else, I sympathize. I would also the things I like so much to just be there or at least the opportunity to be able to be with whatever I like so much, in the proper context.
*whispers something to you*
Saturday, May 21, 2011
change for a dollar?
am I really that creepy? probably yeah, I've always been known to be offbeat and generally unwelcoming... but we're beings capable of change, am I not? I am pretty certain that I am not the most consistent person on the planet, ergo I can change...
...the question is, do I want to change?
for the right reasons, maybe. but sometimes change is something which happens spontaneously, you'd be surprised you're put into situations which isn't what we wanted nor expected but we have to adapt.
but unlike science, there is no specific formula to follow. you change according to what you are capable of, according to what you allow yourself to... and I am sounding like a self-help book. no, I am not in the market for helping others... if it happens, it happens; if it doesn't, then I might make it happen.
I have my eyes set on you.
...the question is, do I want to change?
for the right reasons, maybe. but sometimes change is something which happens spontaneously, you'd be surprised you're put into situations which isn't what we wanted nor expected but we have to adapt.
but unlike science, there is no specific formula to follow. you change according to what you are capable of, according to what you allow yourself to... and I am sounding like a self-help book. no, I am not in the market for helping others... if it happens, it happens; if it doesn't, then I might make it happen.
I have my eyes set on you.
Sunday, May 01, 2011
everybody lies
I seemed to have grown numb with lies. its like when I hear people lying to each other or worse, people lying to me, I just... am not affected as much as I am supposed to be. cause our natural tendencies dictate us to really really get disappointed or pissed when being lied to... but not me.
but really, what sucks about being lied to is that intrinsically we all want to be part of the truth because the world is full of uncertainty as it is, and it hurts us to be disconnected from the truth or reality just because others withheld the truth from us.
it sucks, yeah... but c'mon, you just gotta learn how to accept that at any point during your conversation with someone, they're bound to lie...
cause grief ends in acceptance.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
home front
the multiply blog has always been my home...
although I started blogging on friendster and then on blogger, I seemed to have blogged the most on multiply. and I feel like I should start blogging again, cause I have a lot to say even though nobody really is interested... the character limitation on facebook status updates is pretty castrating, although it ain't really a blog to begin with. but yeah, I'd rather blog in this niche.
cause blogs are supposed to be online journals where people couldn't care less about what you write... and THIS... an online journal which nobody reads! its genius! it gives the illusion of being a public journal but remains private because... well in order for something to be public there must be a populace, and apparently everyone are either using facebook or tumblr...so... YEAH!
I wish I can be more articulate but I just can't right now...
although I started blogging on friendster and then on blogger, I seemed to have blogged the most on multiply. and I feel like I should start blogging again, cause I have a lot to say even though nobody really is interested... the character limitation on facebook status updates is pretty castrating, although it ain't really a blog to begin with. but yeah, I'd rather blog in this niche.
cause blogs are supposed to be online journals where people couldn't care less about what you write... and THIS... an online journal which nobody reads! its genius! it gives the illusion of being a public journal but remains private because... well in order for something to be public there must be a populace, and apparently everyone are either using facebook or tumblr...so... YEAH!
I wish I can be more articulate but I just can't right now...
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
osom
is a letter short of the woman's mammary glands.
and here I go again being inappropriate... I've always been anyway.
and here I go again using ellipses... as I've always been as well.
no, I am not back to my old self... or who knows. I lost my ability to type without ellipses, and... there. and I use a lot of 'I's in my blog entries... I just don't know why I can't control my excessive use of... I.
dunno.
no, I am not under the influence of any chemical... hmmm... probably I am. but not something illegal... cause being sober is OSOM.
this will be a quick read, I promise.
read
then its quick.
and here I go again being inappropriate... I've always been anyway.
and here I go again using ellipses... as I've always been as well.
no, I am not back to my old self... or who knows. I lost my ability to type without ellipses, and... there. and I use a lot of 'I's in my blog entries... I just don't know why I can't control my excessive use of... I.
dunno.
no, I am not under the influence of any chemical... hmmm... probably I am. but not something illegal... cause being sober is OSOM.
this will be a quick read, I promise.
read
then its quick.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
tae, I like her.
shit, gusto ko siya.
kahit gano karami ang i-tukso saken o ang matipuhan ko, di ko magawang ibaling ang tingin ko sa iba.
ilang blag entry ko na sigurong kine-kwento ang babaeng tinatawag ko lang na 'this girl I like so much', ayaw ko pang sabihin pangalan niya dito. baket? una, kasi I might jinx my pursuit. at panglawa, she doesn't have the most google-proof name. parang i-type mo nga lang sa google yung pangalan na she's commonly called, 1st page pa lang lalabas na kaagad friendster profile niya.
ancheesy oo, pero masyado akong torpe para lapitan siya out of nowhere at magpakilala.
olats ako sa mga taong may gusto ako. although generally olats talaga ako sa mga babae, sadyang mas olats ako kapag may pagtingin ako. dahil... ewan. ano nga ba kinakatakutan ko?
naalala ko tuloy yung pelikulang Groundhog Day kung saan paulit-ulit na gumigising sa isang araw si Bill Murray. sa pelikulang iyon ko napagtanto, what's stopping me from doing certain things? then it hit me... CONSEQUENCES. mas malakas ang loob ni Bill Murray gumawa ng kung anu-anong bagay nung nalaman niyang stuck siya sa groundhog day, kasi bukas parang walang ring nangyari, alaala na lang ng araw na isasabuhay niya pagkagising niya ulet.
kaya tanongin natin, sa ka ba takot?
sa rejection?
takot ka dahil?
maaring pag nakita niya ulet ako eh may awkward na atmosphere?
pano ka nakakasigurong mangyayari yun?
di naman talaga ako sigurado eh, isa yun sa posibilidad.
pero baket yun yung iniisip mo kaagad?
kasi pessimist ako.
at sa tingin mo ba magkakatuluyan kayo sa ganyang attitude?
pag nagkaroon ng mirakulo, oo.
ayun nga, kaso nga lang minsan mo na lang siya makita at minsan lang rin mangyari ang mga mirakulo, kaya sobrang slim na yung pagkakataon na mangyari yan.
ngunit naniniwala akong may ginagawang paraan ang universe para magkatuluyan kami!
ang fanny mo! but seriously, ano hinihintay mo? groundhog day?
hmmm... oo nga 'no. maghihintay ako para sa groundhog day! pero di yung literal na sa bawat pagtulog ko eh magigising ako sa parehong araw at maging stuck sa isang cycle. walang napapala ang ganun! kaya hihintayin kong magkaroon ng pagkakataon na non-factor na ang consequences ng actions ko!
at kelan naman yun?
pagka-gradweyt niya sa uste!
seriously?! maghihintay ka ng isa pang taon para magpakilala? pano?
sa peysbuk, mag-me-message ako sa kanya. or sabihan ko yung 8 naming common friends na sabihan siya.
sa tingin mo ba epektib yan? and besides, isang taon yun pare! sa tingin mo ba maghihintay siya para sa stalker? ang masaklap pa dun, di ka pa super hot o accomplished sa buhay! lousy pare.
pero... ewan. bale sa tingin mo kelangan ko nang magpakilala as soon as possible?
the sooner the better syempre. para pag nag-fail ka ngayon, di ka manghihinayang sa panahong sinayang mo at mas mabilis kang makakahanap ng iba. o better yet, mas mabilis mong marerealize na tatanda kang binata!
siguro nga, walang nararating ang mga di nagkukusa. kumbaga in english, you can't get there if you don't take the first step.
no, don't think of it that way. you've already taken the first step. no matter how creepy it may sound like, getting to know her without her knowing it (read: stalking) is a first step. now you have to take another step forward! or if you think stalking her for almost a year is the other step I was pertaining to, then take the leap.
I guess so... yeah. thanks. if only you weren't just some fabricated persona which makes me look... schizophrenic.
but anyway, that conversation just made me... more than creepy. cause being a stalker alone is creepy in itself, but talking to oneself in a public blog? that's just... disturbing.
disturbing enough to make me want KFC.
kahit gano karami ang i-tukso saken o ang matipuhan ko, di ko magawang ibaling ang tingin ko sa iba.
ilang blag entry ko na sigurong kine-kwento ang babaeng tinatawag ko lang na 'this girl I like so much', ayaw ko pang sabihin pangalan niya dito. baket? una, kasi I might jinx my pursuit. at panglawa, she doesn't have the most google-proof name. parang i-type mo nga lang sa google yung pangalan na she's commonly called, 1st page pa lang lalabas na kaagad friendster profile niya.
ancheesy oo, pero masyado akong torpe para lapitan siya out of nowhere at magpakilala.
olats ako sa mga taong may gusto ako. although generally olats talaga ako sa mga babae, sadyang mas olats ako kapag may pagtingin ako. dahil... ewan. ano nga ba kinakatakutan ko?
naalala ko tuloy yung pelikulang Groundhog Day kung saan paulit-ulit na gumigising sa isang araw si Bill Murray. sa pelikulang iyon ko napagtanto, what's stopping me from doing certain things? then it hit me... CONSEQUENCES. mas malakas ang loob ni Bill Murray gumawa ng kung anu-anong bagay nung nalaman niyang stuck siya sa groundhog day, kasi bukas parang walang ring nangyari, alaala na lang ng araw na isasabuhay niya pagkagising niya ulet.
kaya tanongin natin, sa ka ba takot?
sa rejection?
takot ka dahil?
maaring pag nakita niya ulet ako eh may awkward na atmosphere?
pano ka nakakasigurong mangyayari yun?
di naman talaga ako sigurado eh, isa yun sa posibilidad.
pero baket yun yung iniisip mo kaagad?
kasi pessimist ako.
at sa tingin mo ba magkakatuluyan kayo sa ganyang attitude?
pag nagkaroon ng mirakulo, oo.
ayun nga, kaso nga lang minsan mo na lang siya makita at minsan lang rin mangyari ang mga mirakulo, kaya sobrang slim na yung pagkakataon na mangyari yan.
ngunit naniniwala akong may ginagawang paraan ang universe para magkatuluyan kami!
ang fanny mo! but seriously, ano hinihintay mo? groundhog day?
hmmm... oo nga 'no. maghihintay ako para sa groundhog day! pero di yung literal na sa bawat pagtulog ko eh magigising ako sa parehong araw at maging stuck sa isang cycle. walang napapala ang ganun! kaya hihintayin kong magkaroon ng pagkakataon na non-factor na ang consequences ng actions ko!
at kelan naman yun?
pagka-gradweyt niya sa uste!
seriously?! maghihintay ka ng isa pang taon para magpakilala? pano?
sa peysbuk, mag-me-message ako sa kanya. or sabihan ko yung 8 naming common friends na sabihan siya.
sa tingin mo ba epektib yan? and besides, isang taon yun pare! sa tingin mo ba maghihintay siya para sa stalker? ang masaklap pa dun, di ka pa super hot o accomplished sa buhay! lousy pare.
pero... ewan. bale sa tingin mo kelangan ko nang magpakilala as soon as possible?
the sooner the better syempre. para pag nag-fail ka ngayon, di ka manghihinayang sa panahong sinayang mo at mas mabilis kang makakahanap ng iba. o better yet, mas mabilis mong marerealize na tatanda kang binata!
siguro nga, walang nararating ang mga di nagkukusa. kumbaga in english, you can't get there if you don't take the first step.
no, don't think of it that way. you've already taken the first step. no matter how creepy it may sound like, getting to know her without her knowing it (read: stalking) is a first step. now you have to take another step forward! or if you think stalking her for almost a year is the other step I was pertaining to, then take the leap.
I guess so... yeah. thanks. if only you weren't just some fabricated persona which makes me look... schizophrenic.
but anyway, that conversation just made me... more than creepy. cause being a stalker alone is creepy in itself, but talking to oneself in a public blog? that's just... disturbing.
disturbing enough to make me want KFC.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
y'know, truth is...
...it ain't absolute.
no matter how real something feels like. for all we know everything is an illusion. when we dream, we rarely are aware that we are dreaming until we wake up. we are aware that a dream is just a dream because it never has any form of continuity, whereas in the waking world, most often than not, we lie on the same bed we fell asleep in. until we fall asleep again and probably dream, a dream is but an episode of unknown origin, and purpose.
*this is where science ends and fictional literature begin*
a year ago today, I kept having frequent dreams of a girl I like so much. never had I experienced dreaming of the same person again and again and again. I then dismissed it as my subconscious satisfying my need to be with the girl. but a semester after, I was heavily engrossed with Hindu philosophy... every thought and action was influenced by Hindu beliefs. so then I developed this idea, given the assertion that the universe (Brahman) and our soul (Atman) flows as one, that dreams are messages of the universe to us.
thinking that the universe foreshadows what will happen, I started to develop an Islamic notion of surrendering to the will of Allah.
woah... wait, Allah? I thought we were talking about Brahman and Atman?
I believe in a pluralistic god. same god, different names from different cultures. I think its the god which remains the same, but its the culture in which the religion grew in which molds the dogma associated to the religion.
so I believe that all religions each have truth in them, some may contradict each other, but there will always be one unifying notion of something to hold on to because there really are things which we can't explain. science and empiricism gets the job done to a certain extent, but things deemed foolish by intellectuals such as faith and freak occurrences called miracles are what religion is there for.
I used to be some pseudo-intellectual who believed that god didn't exist and eventually doubted the non-existence of a god. now look at me, a kid who does not only believe in a god, but a few other more. it sounds absurd, but really, life can take a convoluted turn and change you into someone you didn't knew could possibly exist.
who knows? we probably are wrong after all.
no matter how real something feels like. for all we know everything is an illusion. when we dream, we rarely are aware that we are dreaming until we wake up. we are aware that a dream is just a dream because it never has any form of continuity, whereas in the waking world, most often than not, we lie on the same bed we fell asleep in. until we fall asleep again and probably dream, a dream is but an episode of unknown origin, and purpose.
*this is where science ends and fictional literature begin*
a year ago today, I kept having frequent dreams of a girl I like so much. never had I experienced dreaming of the same person again and again and again. I then dismissed it as my subconscious satisfying my need to be with the girl. but a semester after, I was heavily engrossed with Hindu philosophy... every thought and action was influenced by Hindu beliefs. so then I developed this idea, given the assertion that the universe (Brahman) and our soul (Atman) flows as one, that dreams are messages of the universe to us.
thinking that the universe foreshadows what will happen, I started to develop an Islamic notion of surrendering to the will of Allah.
woah... wait, Allah? I thought we were talking about Brahman and Atman?
I believe in a pluralistic god. same god, different names from different cultures. I think its the god which remains the same, but its the culture in which the religion grew in which molds the dogma associated to the religion.
so I believe that all religions each have truth in them, some may contradict each other, but there will always be one unifying notion of something to hold on to because there really are things which we can't explain. science and empiricism gets the job done to a certain extent, but things deemed foolish by intellectuals such as faith and freak occurrences called miracles are what religion is there for.
I used to be some pseudo-intellectual who believed that god didn't exist and eventually doubted the non-existence of a god. now look at me, a kid who does not only believe in a god, but a few other more. it sounds absurd, but really, life can take a convoluted turn and change you into someone you didn't knew could possibly exist.
who knows? we probably are wrong after all.
Monday, January 17, 2011
masyado nang maraming namumrublema
baket pa ko dadagdag diba?
kahit sabihin na nating di talaga kagandahan ang buhay at worth ranting siya. pero why bother? masyado nang maraming gusto dumada ng dumada at wala na atang natitirang taong handang makinig.
fortunately, isa ako dun.
kadalasan na lang, pinapakwento ko yung mga kaibigan o kasama ko. tapos ganun na yun hangagng huli, puro siya na lang nagsasalita.di naman sa minamasama ko ang kung sino mang maraming gustong sabihin o sinasabi, kung tutuusin mas gusto ko pa ngang maging katulad nila.
kaya siguro ako na lang lagi yung nakikinig kasi wala talaga akong masabing may katuturan. prime example na siguro blag ko. kung tutuusin naman kasi dito lang naman ako naglalabas ng hinaing at di sa kaibigan dahil #1: mauuna pa silang mag-salita bago ako, #2: sabaw ako lagi, #3: I have trouble organizing my thoughts, and #4: magkwe-kwento lang naman ako para magpatawa.
unless na lang malapit kitang kaibigan, at ku-kwentuhan... actually hinde... kumbaga eh, kapag malapit kitang kaibigan, para kang writer ni Thomas Aquinas. dahil siyempre ayon sa Philo prof ko, ang style daw ni Thomas Aquinas eh meron siya iba't ibang secretary na handang isulat ang kung anu mang pumasok sa isip niya depending on the topic. parang may secretary siya para sa metaphysics, o sa theology, o sa proof of god, o whatever. to put it in simple terms, bino-bombard ko sa mga theories ko ang mga malapit kong kaibigan.
at least di ko sila bino-bore sa problema ko na paki ba talaga nila kung sabihin ko. as if naman may mapapala sila pag nalaman nilang may problema ako. cynical, oo. pero ganun ako.
kahit sabihin na nating di talaga kagandahan ang buhay at worth ranting siya. pero why bother? masyado nang maraming gusto dumada ng dumada at wala na atang natitirang taong handang makinig.
fortunately, isa ako dun.
kadalasan na lang, pinapakwento ko yung mga kaibigan o kasama ko. tapos ganun na yun hangagng huli, puro siya na lang nagsasalita.di naman sa minamasama ko ang kung sino mang maraming gustong sabihin o sinasabi, kung tutuusin mas gusto ko pa ngang maging katulad nila.
kaya siguro ako na lang lagi yung nakikinig kasi wala talaga akong masabing may katuturan. prime example na siguro blag ko. kung tutuusin naman kasi dito lang naman ako naglalabas ng hinaing at di sa kaibigan dahil #1: mauuna pa silang mag-salita bago ako, #2: sabaw ako lagi, #3: I have trouble organizing my thoughts, and #4: magkwe-kwento lang naman ako para magpatawa.
unless na lang malapit kitang kaibigan, at ku-kwentuhan... actually hinde... kumbaga eh, kapag malapit kitang kaibigan, para kang writer ni Thomas Aquinas. dahil siyempre ayon sa Philo prof ko, ang style daw ni Thomas Aquinas eh meron siya iba't ibang secretary na handang isulat ang kung anu mang pumasok sa isip niya depending on the topic. parang may secretary siya para sa metaphysics, o sa theology, o sa proof of god, o whatever. to put it in simple terms, bino-bombard ko sa mga theories ko ang mga malapit kong kaibigan.
at least di ko sila bino-bore sa problema ko na paki ba talaga nila kung sabihin ko. as if naman may mapapala sila pag nalaman nilang may problema ako. cynical, oo. pero ganun ako.
Monday, January 03, 2011
i believe in god the father almighty
no, seriously... he speaks to me... by making shit happen to me.
cause a while ago during a family dinner with my aunts and cousins and all, I kept on saying "HAIL SATAN!" and after repeating the line every time I try to do something greedy on the dinner table, shit happened!
...my cheap touch screen phone got drenched in soda
...I slipped and my shin got hit by hard wood, and so did my head.
...and I go scorched by my uncle's cigarette.
GOD IS TELLING ME TO STOP HAILING SATAN!
...the last incident was a reminder how hot hell is!
...the 2nd incident was a reminder how I will be bludgeoned by satan's minions!
...and the 1st incident was a reminder that satan will take all of my possessions away!
those are 3 incidents... the number of absoluteness! THE HOLY TRINITY! 3 + 3 = 6 make it 3 digits... its 666!
666 IS REAL!
actually it gets creepier.. creepier.. mehehehe
before we left the place, a group of religious people was watching a documentary entitled...
666 IS REAL
SERIOUSLY GUYS, if that wasn't God speaking to me... its the Universe.. its Brahman! but point is these incidents are too creepy to just be dismissed as a coincidence. think about it... REALLY REALLY THINK ABOUT IT.
or just don't think about it, thinking and religion never did go too well together.
cause a while ago during a family dinner with my aunts and cousins and all, I kept on saying "HAIL SATAN!" and after repeating the line every time I try to do something greedy on the dinner table, shit happened!
...my cheap touch screen phone got drenched in soda
...I slipped and my shin got hit by hard wood, and so did my head.
...and I go scorched by my uncle's cigarette.
GOD IS TELLING ME TO STOP HAILING SATAN!
...the last incident was a reminder how hot hell is!
...the 2nd incident was a reminder how I will be bludgeoned by satan's minions!
...and the 1st incident was a reminder that satan will take all of my possessions away!
those are 3 incidents... the number of absoluteness! THE HOLY TRINITY! 3 + 3 = 6 make it 3 digits... its 666!
666 IS REAL!
actually it gets creepier.. creepier.. mehehehe
before we left the place, a group of religious people was watching a documentary entitled...
666 IS REAL
SERIOUSLY GUYS, if that wasn't God speaking to me... its the Universe.. its Brahman! but point is these incidents are too creepy to just be dismissed as a coincidence. think about it... REALLY REALLY THINK ABOUT IT.
or just don't think about it, thinking and religion never did go too well together.
Friday, December 31, 2010
I knew the years would move quickly...
...but never quite as fast as this.
pero ewan, gagawa ba ko ng New Year's Resolution? di naman ako gumagawa ng ganun ever, at tamad naman akong nilalang kaya di rin matutuloy yun eh.
oo nga 'no, gawin ko kayang New Year's Resolution na di na ko magiging tamad!
meh.. sabi sa TV ang dapat gawing New Year's Resolution eh yung bagay na di mo na makayanan. eh di naman problema saken ang pagiging tamad eh. oo nga may mga bagay akong di nagagawa o natatapos, oo puro mediocre lang grades ko... pero at least di pa ko nagsa-suffer ng malubha dahil sa katamaran.
so what? maghihintay akong may masamang mangyari saken?
c'mon! as if naman may nangyayaring masama pag tamad ka. walang mangyayaring masama sa taong tamad! bagkus, ang mga masasamang bagay ay nangyayari sa mga taong may ginagawa. tulad ng isang lawyer na di tamad, ipinagtanggol ang isang kliyente niya, at ang kalaban niya ay isang malaking organized crime ring... nung naipanalo niya ang kaso, pinatumba siya ng bossing ng organized crime ring. oo, nagsipag siya at gumawa ng mabuti... pero may nangyaring masama sa kanya!
oo, yung fictitious na scenario ang gagamitin ko para i-justify ang katamaran ko. but point is, I get by... I passed UST, isang institusyon na pinaghirapang pasukan ng mga taga-FEU o UE, nang tamad. I haven't failed any subject in college, although may mga pagkakataon na muntik na ko, nang tamad. oo, walang nararating ang tamad, alam ko yun. at mas pinili ko pa rin maging tamad kahit alam ko na ang ramifications ng gagawin ko, or lack thereof. pero yun ang mas madaling daan na pwede tahakin. ang walang gawin.
kaya di pa ko nagiging honor student, kaya isa akong malaking disappointment sa mga former mentors ko, kaya di pa ko nagkakagirlfriend, kaya di pa ko nagkaka-lisensya, kaya na-deactivate yung sim ko... maraming bagay ang kulang saken dahil sa katamaran ko. pero hey, its not a problem. billion others can live without those things, why can't I be one of them?
cause they are miserable folks who go nowhere... but you have the potential to do great.
true, I've always been aware that I am capable of doing great things... pero without self-control or determination you won't be able to do anything. that's the problem with the world, they tell you that you have the potential... and that's it. they just state a possibility, and they expect you to do it. yeah sure, if insert name of an accomplished individual here can do it, then why can't you? oh yeah... but remember the known fact that NOT EVERYBODY IS THE SAME?
some people can be their best by working their asses off, but not for me. I guess I can, but... I've always been too lazy... and I am too lazy to even change it.
so this 2011, I will...
pero ewan, gagawa ba ko ng New Year's Resolution? di naman ako gumagawa ng ganun ever, at tamad naman akong nilalang kaya di rin matutuloy yun eh.
oo nga 'no, gawin ko kayang New Year's Resolution na di na ko magiging tamad!
meh.. sabi sa TV ang dapat gawing New Year's Resolution eh yung bagay na di mo na makayanan. eh di naman problema saken ang pagiging tamad eh. oo nga may mga bagay akong di nagagawa o natatapos, oo puro mediocre lang grades ko... pero at least di pa ko nagsa-suffer ng malubha dahil sa katamaran.
so what? maghihintay akong may masamang mangyari saken?
c'mon! as if naman may nangyayaring masama pag tamad ka. walang mangyayaring masama sa taong tamad! bagkus, ang mga masasamang bagay ay nangyayari sa mga taong may ginagawa. tulad ng isang lawyer na di tamad, ipinagtanggol ang isang kliyente niya, at ang kalaban niya ay isang malaking organized crime ring... nung naipanalo niya ang kaso, pinatumba siya ng bossing ng organized crime ring. oo, nagsipag siya at gumawa ng mabuti... pero may nangyaring masama sa kanya!
oo, yung fictitious na scenario ang gagamitin ko para i-justify ang katamaran ko. but point is, I get by... I passed UST, isang institusyon na pinaghirapang pasukan ng mga taga-FEU o UE, nang tamad. I haven't failed any subject in college, although may mga pagkakataon na muntik na ko, nang tamad. oo, walang nararating ang tamad, alam ko yun. at mas pinili ko pa rin maging tamad kahit alam ko na ang ramifications ng gagawin ko, or lack thereof. pero yun ang mas madaling daan na pwede tahakin. ang walang gawin.
kaya di pa ko nagiging honor student, kaya isa akong malaking disappointment sa mga former mentors ko, kaya di pa ko nagkakagirlfriend, kaya di pa ko nagkaka-lisensya, kaya na-deactivate yung sim ko... maraming bagay ang kulang saken dahil sa katamaran ko. pero hey, its not a problem. billion others can live without those things, why can't I be one of them?
cause they are miserable folks who go nowhere... but you have the potential to do great.
true, I've always been aware that I am capable of doing great things... pero without self-control or determination you won't be able to do anything. that's the problem with the world, they tell you that you have the potential... and that's it. they just state a possibility, and they expect you to do it. yeah sure, if insert name of an accomplished individual here can do it, then why can't you? oh yeah... but remember the known fact that NOT EVERYBODY IS THE SAME?
some people can be their best by working their asses off, but not for me. I guess I can, but... I've always been too lazy... and I am too lazy to even change it.
so this 2011, I will...
Thursday, December 30, 2010
reasons why everone should race
everyone should know the fundamentals of racing. that'd make the world a better place.
why?
cause before you were even born, you started out as a race. or at least half of you did. read: union of sperm and egg cells
but apart from that, I have legitimate reasons why everyone should know how to race.
cause I've been playing Gran Turismo 5 for quite some time now and after playing the series for more than a decade, I realized something... that there are certain aspects of racing which works in our daily lives.
yeah sure, racing is just about who gets from point A to point B first, but there are things which happens in between points A and B.
exhibit A:
The Tires - defined as the only part of the car that gets into contact with the road itself and thus gets you to the finish line, tires are pretty important if you want to win a race.
there was an instance where I tuned up a car, overhauled the engine and all that jazz. what I practically did was I made it a very very very powerful car capable of speeds nearing 300km/h. I did a race using that car, but then shit started to happen. my car would spin out of control at times, it won't break as intended so I crashed into a pile of tires. I analyzed the post-race data in order to find out what went wrong... it was the tires. I had hard comfort tires, which practically doesn't have grip... ergo, I skid around the tracks and spun out of control.
moral of the story? I have a lot of things in mind really... like how its important to be grounded. or what truly matters is what makes contact. or you have to get a grip on things, otherwise you'd lose control. its open to sooooo much interpretation, so I'll let you decide cause I can't.
exhibit B-
Lap Time
racing, just like running events, is timed. time how long it took you to finish one lap, time it took you to finish the whole race. and its pretty much a sport where every second count.
I was doing a license test, and in order to get gold I have to finish the track in 1 minute and 17 seconds... and to finish silver 1 minute and 19 seconds... and to finish bronze was 1 minute and 25 seconds. I practically spent the whole night trying to finish the track 2 seconds faster than I did. I spent more than 5 hours trying to nail that 2 seconds. TWO SECONDS FOR GOD'S SAKE!! yeah sure, I came close... 1 second shaved off. but I came closest when I finished 1 minute and 17.298 seconds. I made a fucking mistake for .298 seconds... its insane and unforgiving. just like life.
moral of the story, you may not notice it... but every second counts, seriously. you can try to downplay the importance of the seconds in your life, but who knows? those seconds you waste can possibly turn into 60. and that 60 can turn into 3,600. and that 3,600 can turn into 86,400. which can turn into 604,800... and you get the point. or you don't... either way, this entry is just as good as toilet literature.
exhibit C-
What's Outside The Windows
while doing this blog entry, I ran out of ideas, cause my main point really was exhibit B. but then I started playing again. I was driving a Lamborghini Gallardo, if you're not familiar with the car think: super badass 400 horsepower sportscar. It was at night, at Tuscany. I drove as fast as I could in the darkness, only my headlamps showing the way... but at the middle of the race, out in the distance there were fireworks. it looked beautiful, coloring the night sky, good music playing from the background... I was distracted. for a second I took my eyes of the visible road, but then I crashed into the barriers. I eventually lost the race, all because of... video game fireworks! not even the fancy, Paskuhan type fireworks.
for the nth time, moral of the story: keep your eyes on the road. you will be presented with a million other temptations, but remember to focus... otherwise you'll get screwed. or I dunno, sometimes you're not even on the right track, and your true destination is towards the fireworks.
anyway... I can't think of anything else cause some annoying kid is pretending to fight the TV. its 42 inches and its LCD... ergo, its bigger than the boy and its pretty fragile. and the TV is the only thing I have. apart from my playstation... and this netbook.. and my family.
but yeah, I hate kids. I don't find them cute. I think they're annoying. and thank god they don't understand english, cause they're reading this just as I type. *ding* I just had an amazing idea.
"hey kids, FUCK YOU"
why?
cause before you were even born, you started out as a race. or at least half of you did. read: union of sperm and egg cells
but apart from that, I have legitimate reasons why everyone should know how to race.
cause I've been playing Gran Turismo 5 for quite some time now and after playing the series for more than a decade, I realized something... that there are certain aspects of racing which works in our daily lives.
yeah sure, racing is just about who gets from point A to point B first, but there are things which happens in between points A and B.
exhibit A:
The Tires - defined as the only part of the car that gets into contact with the road itself and thus gets you to the finish line, tires are pretty important if you want to win a race.
there was an instance where I tuned up a car, overhauled the engine and all that jazz. what I practically did was I made it a very very very powerful car capable of speeds nearing 300km/h. I did a race using that car, but then shit started to happen. my car would spin out of control at times, it won't break as intended so I crashed into a pile of tires. I analyzed the post-race data in order to find out what went wrong... it was the tires. I had hard comfort tires, which practically doesn't have grip... ergo, I skid around the tracks and spun out of control.
moral of the story? I have a lot of things in mind really... like how its important to be grounded. or what truly matters is what makes contact. or you have to get a grip on things, otherwise you'd lose control. its open to sooooo much interpretation, so I'll let you decide cause I can't.
exhibit B-
Lap Time
racing, just like running events, is timed. time how long it took you to finish one lap, time it took you to finish the whole race. and its pretty much a sport where every second count.
I was doing a license test, and in order to get gold I have to finish the track in 1 minute and 17 seconds... and to finish silver 1 minute and 19 seconds... and to finish bronze was 1 minute and 25 seconds. I practically spent the whole night trying to finish the track 2 seconds faster than I did. I spent more than 5 hours trying to nail that 2 seconds. TWO SECONDS FOR GOD'S SAKE!! yeah sure, I came close... 1 second shaved off. but I came closest when I finished 1 minute and 17.298 seconds. I made a fucking mistake for .298 seconds... its insane and unforgiving. just like life.
moral of the story, you may not notice it... but every second counts, seriously. you can try to downplay the importance of the seconds in your life, but who knows? those seconds you waste can possibly turn into 60. and that 60 can turn into 3,600. and that 3,600 can turn into 86,400. which can turn into 604,800... and you get the point. or you don't... either way, this entry is just as good as toilet literature.
exhibit C-
What's Outside The Windows
while doing this blog entry, I ran out of ideas, cause my main point really was exhibit B. but then I started playing again. I was driving a Lamborghini Gallardo, if you're not familiar with the car think: super badass 400 horsepower sportscar. It was at night, at Tuscany. I drove as fast as I could in the darkness, only my headlamps showing the way... but at the middle of the race, out in the distance there were fireworks. it looked beautiful, coloring the night sky, good music playing from the background... I was distracted. for a second I took my eyes of the visible road, but then I crashed into the barriers. I eventually lost the race, all because of... video game fireworks! not even the fancy, Paskuhan type fireworks.
for the nth time, moral of the story: keep your eyes on the road. you will be presented with a million other temptations, but remember to focus... otherwise you'll get screwed. or I dunno, sometimes you're not even on the right track, and your true destination is towards the fireworks.
anyway... I can't think of anything else cause some annoying kid is pretending to fight the TV. its 42 inches and its LCD... ergo, its bigger than the boy and its pretty fragile. and the TV is the only thing I have. apart from my playstation... and this netbook.. and my family.
but yeah, I hate kids. I don't find them cute. I think they're annoying. and thank god they don't understand english, cause they're reading this just as I type. *ding* I just had an amazing idea.
"hey kids, FUCK YOU"
Sunday, December 26, 2010
put your hang up in the air
aftermath ng pasko...
marami sigurong di nakatanggap ng regalong inaasam nila, marami sigurong di nagkaroon ng matinong celebration, at marami rin sigurong di nagpasko... dahil di sila katoliko.
...at sa dinami-dami ng taong yun, kayo lang ang magbabasa nito na di man lang aabot ng double digits.
oo, nadismaya rin ako... pero di lang ngayong holiday season. on a regular basis, nadidisappoint ako. irrational, oo, pero what can I do, di naman ako makina para maka-get over it kaagad. come to think of it, pag nadidisappoint ako ng bongga, nag-va-vow ako na balang araw mapapa-sakin din yung di ko natanggap noon.
kaya pag di ko nabibili yung laruan na gusto ko talaga, pina-pramis ko sa sarili ko na "balang araw, magkakatrabaho ako, yayaman ako, at mabibili ko rin yang laruan na yan" magpupursigi akong makuha yan para balang araw ma-re-live ko yung youth that I've always wanted. parang si Michael Jackson. at oo, alam kong wasak ang buhay niya. pero what can I do, I don't have the luxury of being human enough to care for others.
oo, isa akong selfish na nilalang. yun lagi ang pinupukpok ng magulang ko sa aking kokote. pero di ko na sila kokontrahin, aminado naman ako eh. I only care about myself, and I only care about others if their well being will benefits me.
pero ayun, nabubuhay ako para sa sarili ko, para sa mga gamit na di ko nakuha. at pagkatanda ko, pagka wala na ang magulang ko ay may asawa na mga kapatid ko, nakatira ako mag-isa sa condo ko na puno ng mga laruan na may dalawang tennis court, isang hard court at clay.
lahat ng makamundong bagay ay inasam ko ng sobra...
...until I discovered religion.
oo, religion changed my life.
*this is the part where you get shocked and not be able to fully grasp the idea that Kenneth was touched by religion*
no, the scriptures didn't tell me anything. napipikon ako pag nagse-sermon ang pari, lalo na pag tungkol sa pamilya o sa pera o sa trabaho o sa marangyang buhay... as if naman may sapat na karanasan siya bilang isang ama, o negosyante, o in demand na bachelor. at ang masaklap pa dun, linggo-linggo pumupunta ang libu-libong nananalig para sabihang may mali sa kanila and shit. o baka di sila nakikinig critically habang nagsesermon ang pari o baka nag-zo-zone out lang sila habang misa at ginagawa lang ito na parang routine. at yun ang masaklap sa catholic church.
kaya I have found solace in Hinduism.
oo, sa relihiyong nageencourage na hugasan ang sarili sa maduming ilog ng Ganges.
oo, sa relihiyiong sinusunog ang mga newly-widowed.
oo, sa relihiyong rine-revere ang holy shit.
salamat sa subject kong Philosophical Anthropology, ang bullshit (pun intended) na practices ng Hinduism finally made sense. sa paniniwala ng mga Hindu ko nabitawan ang pagiging materialistic ko, ang pagiging stuck sa cycle ng consumerism, and most importantly, ang mga hang up ko.
oo, masyadong mystical ang paniniwala ng mga Hindu. at oo, mas may rational explanation ang Buddhism. pero ewan, Hindu belief really struck home for me. mula sa mga readings ng Upanishads, at ang pag-explain na within us are souls which is Atman, which is a part of the greater universe which is Brahman. so ibig sabihin our souls and the universe flows as one, we are part of the universe in as much as the universe is part of us.
pero on a more practical sense, sa Hinduism ko rin natutunan na we give in to our material wants in order to appease the pain of being incomplete. and Hinduism encourages us to find the true self, the self which does not experience pain and therefore does not need worldly belongings, the state of dreamless sleep. because in our waking hours, we are stuck in a cycle of wanting something and once we get it, we shift our wants elsewhere. I mean we already are already stuck in a cycle of birth and rebirth, according to Hindu and Buddhist beliefs, although I do not subscribe to that concept fully.
cause at the end of the road when all is said and done, you'll look back and ponder... what did I live for? what were the dreams that I chased? for what did I spent my past 60 years (assuming you live up to the life expectancy of a male Filipino) for?
will you allow yourself to be hung up on a cycle of materialism in order to get your mind off the pain of living with the material self?
or will you take the noble path?
...to find the self which does not experience pain from a lack of material things. the self which finds solace on its own without having to depend on anything.
marami sigurong di nakatanggap ng regalong inaasam nila, marami sigurong di nagkaroon ng matinong celebration, at marami rin sigurong di nagpasko... dahil di sila katoliko.
...at sa dinami-dami ng taong yun, kayo lang ang magbabasa nito na di man lang aabot ng double digits.
oo, nadismaya rin ako... pero di lang ngayong holiday season. on a regular basis, nadidisappoint ako. irrational, oo, pero what can I do, di naman ako makina para maka-get over it kaagad. come to think of it, pag nadidisappoint ako ng bongga, nag-va-vow ako na balang araw mapapa-sakin din yung di ko natanggap noon.
kaya pag di ko nabibili yung laruan na gusto ko talaga, pina-pramis ko sa sarili ko na "balang araw, magkakatrabaho ako, yayaman ako, at mabibili ko rin yang laruan na yan" magpupursigi akong makuha yan para balang araw ma-re-live ko yung youth that I've always wanted. parang si Michael Jackson. at oo, alam kong wasak ang buhay niya. pero what can I do, I don't have the luxury of being human enough to care for others.
oo, isa akong selfish na nilalang. yun lagi ang pinupukpok ng magulang ko sa aking kokote. pero di ko na sila kokontrahin, aminado naman ako eh. I only care about myself, and I only care about others if their well being will benefits me.
pero ayun, nabubuhay ako para sa sarili ko, para sa mga gamit na di ko nakuha. at pagkatanda ko, pagka wala na ang magulang ko ay may asawa na mga kapatid ko, nakatira ako mag-isa sa condo ko na puno ng mga laruan na may dalawang tennis court, isang hard court at clay.
lahat ng makamundong bagay ay inasam ko ng sobra...
...until I discovered religion.
oo, religion changed my life.
*this is the part where you get shocked and not be able to fully grasp the idea that Kenneth was touched by religion*
no, the scriptures didn't tell me anything. napipikon ako pag nagse-sermon ang pari, lalo na pag tungkol sa pamilya o sa pera o sa trabaho o sa marangyang buhay... as if naman may sapat na karanasan siya bilang isang ama, o negosyante, o in demand na bachelor. at ang masaklap pa dun, linggo-linggo pumupunta ang libu-libong nananalig para sabihang may mali sa kanila and shit. o baka di sila nakikinig critically habang nagsesermon ang pari o baka nag-zo-zone out lang sila habang misa at ginagawa lang ito na parang routine. at yun ang masaklap sa catholic church.
kaya I have found solace in Hinduism.
oo, sa relihiyong nageencourage na hugasan ang sarili sa maduming ilog ng Ganges.
oo, sa relihiyiong sinusunog ang mga newly-widowed.
oo, sa relihiyong rine-revere ang holy shit.
salamat sa subject kong Philosophical Anthropology, ang bullshit (pun intended) na practices ng Hinduism finally made sense. sa paniniwala ng mga Hindu ko nabitawan ang pagiging materialistic ko, ang pagiging stuck sa cycle ng consumerism, and most importantly, ang mga hang up ko.
oo, masyadong mystical ang paniniwala ng mga Hindu. at oo, mas may rational explanation ang Buddhism. pero ewan, Hindu belief really struck home for me. mula sa mga readings ng Upanishads, at ang pag-explain na within us are souls which is Atman, which is a part of the greater universe which is Brahman. so ibig sabihin our souls and the universe flows as one, we are part of the universe in as much as the universe is part of us.
pero on a more practical sense, sa Hinduism ko rin natutunan na we give in to our material wants in order to appease the pain of being incomplete. and Hinduism encourages us to find the true self, the self which does not experience pain and therefore does not need worldly belongings, the state of dreamless sleep. because in our waking hours, we are stuck in a cycle of wanting something and once we get it, we shift our wants elsewhere. I mean we already are already stuck in a cycle of birth and rebirth, according to Hindu and Buddhist beliefs, although I do not subscribe to that concept fully.
cause at the end of the road when all is said and done, you'll look back and ponder... what did I live for? what were the dreams that I chased? for what did I spent my past 60 years (assuming you live up to the life expectancy of a male Filipino) for?
will you allow yourself to be hung up on a cycle of materialism in order to get your mind off the pain of living with the material self?
or will you take the noble path?
...to find the self which does not experience pain from a lack of material things. the self which finds solace on its own without having to depend on anything.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
maligayang paksiw
baket kaya may mga taong di nararamdaman ang pasko?
may kaibigan akong may girlfriend at mayaman, pero di niya daw nararamdaman ang pasko.
may kaibigan akong weirdo at sakristan na know it all, di rin daw niya nararadaman na pasko.
at ako, ang batang maraming hangups na walang ginawa buong taon kundi man-stalk... pero nararamdaman ko naman ang spirit of christmas.
anong klaseng tao ba ang manhid sa spirit of christmas? malabong isang miserableng tao, dahil may kilala akong thrid world equivalent ni richie rich pero di daw niya nararamdaman na pasko na. posible siguro na may kulang sa kanila o may inaasahan silang may magandang mangyayari sa pasko pero di nangyari kaya nadismaya siguro sila.
kaya as much as possible, I keep my expectations low.
ano ba naman kasi mapapala mo pag nag-expect ka ng bongga diba? as if naman may telepathic ability ka para lalong pagbutihin ng universe na gawin ang inaasahan mo. pwede mo rin sabihin sa tao na mataas expectation mo sa kanila, pero pasko ang pinaguusapan natin. di mo pwede sabihin na mataas expectation mo sa isang abstract idea, kasi magmumuka kang avid reader ng mga self-help books.
wala namang masama sa pag-basa ng self-help books, marangal na pinagkakakitaan rin yan at as if naman ganun ka-laki ang royalties na natatanggap ng mga awtor ng mga librong yan.
pero ayun... kahit papaano umasa na rin ako at na-disappoint. pero dahil naman kasi ang pag-asa lang ang ginawa ko. di ko sinet up yung sitwasyon upang mangyari ang inaasahan ko. tulad lang kanina, inaasahan kong dadaan kami sa isang mall para makabili ako ng Gran Turismo 5. pero next time na lang daw. o inasahan ko dati na mananalo ang Nederland laban sa Espanya nung World Cup Final. pero naputol ang winning streak ng pambato ko. o tulad ng pag-exam ko sa ateneo, na dahil sobrang nadalian ako feel na feel ko nang magiging katipunan boy na ko. pero hinde, ang tumanggap saken ay ang royal and pontifical.
siguro naman mas masaklap ang mga disappointing moments ng karamihan ng tao, pero kahit gano pa ka-babaw ang sitwasyon ko. dagok pa rin ito.
pero di ako magdadrama sa isang tabi buong araw at magsasayang ng oras. hinde, magdadrama lang ako ng ilang minuto for added effect, matapos nito ay pagpaplanuhan ko na ang susunod kong gagawin. madalas ko nga sabihin sa sarili ko "now that I am in deep shit, how do I swim out of it?" oo, kahit sarili kong psyche iniingles ko, at oo yun na yung metaphor na gagamitin ko.
bilang isang ekonomista, lahat ng bagay ay maka-classify as resource, kahit ang time. at trabaho ng isang ekonomista ang pag-maximize ng resources. exception to the rule ang peysbuk, ayos lang pagsayangan ng panahon ang peysbuk... ewan ko kung baket.. pero ayos lang. pero ang pag-dadrama at pag-whine, wala kang napapala dun.. maaring mas wala kang mapapala sa peysbuk.. pero at least di ka malungkot o nababagot... unless nagdadrama ka habang gumagamit ng peysbuk, krimen na yun.
ewan ko ba kung ano point ko, pero lagi naman akong malabo eh... what difference does it make? tska lagi namang wala kang mapapala sa pag-basa nito eh... kaya mag peysbuk ka na lang...
...better yet, go out and make the world a better place to live in one deed at a time. ayos?
may kaibigan akong may girlfriend at mayaman, pero di niya daw nararamdaman ang pasko.
may kaibigan akong weirdo at sakristan na know it all, di rin daw niya nararadaman na pasko.
at ako, ang batang maraming hangups na walang ginawa buong taon kundi man-stalk... pero nararamdaman ko naman ang spirit of christmas.
anong klaseng tao ba ang manhid sa spirit of christmas? malabong isang miserableng tao, dahil may kilala akong thrid world equivalent ni richie rich pero di daw niya nararamdaman na pasko na. posible siguro na may kulang sa kanila o may inaasahan silang may magandang mangyayari sa pasko pero di nangyari kaya nadismaya siguro sila.
kaya as much as possible, I keep my expectations low.
ano ba naman kasi mapapala mo pag nag-expect ka ng bongga diba? as if naman may telepathic ability ka para lalong pagbutihin ng universe na gawin ang inaasahan mo. pwede mo rin sabihin sa tao na mataas expectation mo sa kanila, pero pasko ang pinaguusapan natin. di mo pwede sabihin na mataas expectation mo sa isang abstract idea, kasi magmumuka kang avid reader ng mga self-help books.
wala namang masama sa pag-basa ng self-help books, marangal na pinagkakakitaan rin yan at as if naman ganun ka-laki ang royalties na natatanggap ng mga awtor ng mga librong yan.
pero ayun... kahit papaano umasa na rin ako at na-disappoint. pero dahil naman kasi ang pag-asa lang ang ginawa ko. di ko sinet up yung sitwasyon upang mangyari ang inaasahan ko. tulad lang kanina, inaasahan kong dadaan kami sa isang mall para makabili ako ng Gran Turismo 5. pero next time na lang daw. o inasahan ko dati na mananalo ang Nederland laban sa Espanya nung World Cup Final. pero naputol ang winning streak ng pambato ko. o tulad ng pag-exam ko sa ateneo, na dahil sobrang nadalian ako feel na feel ko nang magiging katipunan boy na ko. pero hinde, ang tumanggap saken ay ang royal and pontifical.
siguro naman mas masaklap ang mga disappointing moments ng karamihan ng tao, pero kahit gano pa ka-babaw ang sitwasyon ko. dagok pa rin ito.
pero di ako magdadrama sa isang tabi buong araw at magsasayang ng oras. hinde, magdadrama lang ako ng ilang minuto for added effect, matapos nito ay pagpaplanuhan ko na ang susunod kong gagawin. madalas ko nga sabihin sa sarili ko "now that I am in deep shit, how do I swim out of it?" oo, kahit sarili kong psyche iniingles ko, at oo yun na yung metaphor na gagamitin ko.
bilang isang ekonomista, lahat ng bagay ay maka-classify as resource, kahit ang time. at trabaho ng isang ekonomista ang pag-maximize ng resources. exception to the rule ang peysbuk, ayos lang pagsayangan ng panahon ang peysbuk... ewan ko kung baket.. pero ayos lang. pero ang pag-dadrama at pag-whine, wala kang napapala dun.. maaring mas wala kang mapapala sa peysbuk.. pero at least di ka malungkot o nababagot... unless nagdadrama ka habang gumagamit ng peysbuk, krimen na yun.
ewan ko ba kung ano point ko, pero lagi naman akong malabo eh... what difference does it make? tska lagi namang wala kang mapapala sa pag-basa nito eh... kaya mag peysbuk ka na lang...
...better yet, go out and make the world a better place to live in one deed at a time. ayos?
Friday, December 24, 2010
to get her
that's what you have to do in order to be TOGETHER.
but as of now, I just want to talk to her. so I'll be a STALKER.
just pretend it rolls off the tongue pretty well.
anyway, I wanted this to be part 2 of my last entry, cause... I didn't seem to end it all too well. and because I wanted to say more but I wasn't able to cause... some random intellectual property right came to mind and my train of thought got derailed.
part 2:
okay, stalking isn't the easiest thing to do. no wait, it is. cause I seem to get a kick out of trying to live out scenarios in the games I play. err... don't get the idea that I play creepy stalker games. no, I play normal games normal people play... in america, or japan, or europe. cause normal people here in the philippines play dota and stuff. which I can't seem to enjoy. or probably I am just too pussified to face tough competition.
stalking probably is pathetic to some, if not, everyone. yeah, I'll admit it, I don't have the balls to just approach someone and say hi. It doesn't work that way for me, I work better in the shadows. like an assassination job, but instead of me doing the killing, its cupid's job to pull the string of his/her bow, all I have to do is to provide a name, a face, an information.
cause really, the one I am stalking right now wasn't the easiest to catch. last year, the only thing I knew about her was she's a 2nd year Literature major. but now, I pretty much know her educational background, activities she engaged in, her family, the car his dad drives, her friends, and her friends information. tell me now, I am just fucking awesome right?
Once I was in a contemplative state after watching Richard Linklater's Waking Life, I had the balls to click the 'add as friend' button. but having no friends in common, she ignored my request. after which I got paranoid, thinking that she probably knows me now and I am a sitting duck waiting to be ridiculed by her army of girls which came from exclusive schools. and a swarm of exclusive school girls are, scary.
she knows me, but I know her more. but it came to a point where it felt like it was some worthless research. its like doing philosophical dissertations, it ain't practical. a dude with balls would've gotten her with lesser effort than a stalker like me would. and so it came to be, it was probably a summer of love, or something else. but if my intel was correct at the time, she had a relationship from May to late-November/early-December. even if she might've broken up, I feel like I missed the chance. cause it'll roughly be around a year and a half until she graduates, and during my senior year I should stop being a stalker...
...by then she and I have to be together™
but as of now, I just want to talk to her. so I'll be a STALKER.
just pretend it rolls off the tongue pretty well.
anyway, I wanted this to be part 2 of my last entry, cause... I didn't seem to end it all too well. and because I wanted to say more but I wasn't able to cause... some random intellectual property right came to mind and my train of thought got derailed.
part 2:
okay, stalking isn't the easiest thing to do. no wait, it is. cause I seem to get a kick out of trying to live out scenarios in the games I play. err... don't get the idea that I play creepy stalker games. no, I play normal games normal people play... in america, or japan, or europe. cause normal people here in the philippines play dota and stuff. which I can't seem to enjoy. or probably I am just too pussified to face tough competition.
stalking probably is pathetic to some, if not, everyone. yeah, I'll admit it, I don't have the balls to just approach someone and say hi. It doesn't work that way for me, I work better in the shadows. like an assassination job, but instead of me doing the killing, its cupid's job to pull the string of his/her bow, all I have to do is to provide a name, a face, an information.
cause really, the one I am stalking right now wasn't the easiest to catch. last year, the only thing I knew about her was she's a 2nd year Literature major. but now, I pretty much know her educational background, activities she engaged in, her family, the car his dad drives, her friends, and her friends information. tell me now, I am just fucking awesome right?
Once I was in a contemplative state after watching Richard Linklater's Waking Life, I had the balls to click the 'add as friend' button. but having no friends in common, she ignored my request. after which I got paranoid, thinking that she probably knows me now and I am a sitting duck waiting to be ridiculed by her army of girls which came from exclusive schools. and a swarm of exclusive school girls are, scary.
she knows me, but I know her more. but it came to a point where it felt like it was some worthless research. its like doing philosophical dissertations, it ain't practical. a dude with balls would've gotten her with lesser effort than a stalker like me would. and so it came to be, it was probably a summer of love, or something else. but if my intel was correct at the time, she had a relationship from May to late-November/early-December. even if she might've broken up, I feel like I missed the chance. cause it'll roughly be around a year and a half until she graduates, and during my senior year I should stop being a stalker...
...by then she and I have to be together™
Thursday, December 23, 2010
can you say 'stalker'?
for a year now, it seems... but it doesn't feel like its that long. or probably because I don't think about how long it has been. and to prove that, I'll prove myself wrong by saying that I started stalking her january of 2010.
it's been almost a year... what's new?
I vowed last year to find out her name, to put a name on that beautiful painting. but no (it may sound cheesy) she's more than a painting. cause I seemed to have placed her on a pedestal (and you can't put paintings on pedestals) and I feel inferior to her (which to some extent is true but that's not the point)
and when you feel inferior, you feel like you don't have the right to have someone or something. and I don't want that to happen. I would like to believe (no matter how far fetched it may be) that she and I will be something. without the drama of being overly possessive and insecure, like my good friend which seems to have problems with his girlfriend every now and then. wait, on second thought, 'every now and then' is an understatement, 'every single day' makes sense.
tall, dark, and lovely. that's me, wouldn't you agree? that's also her.
I'm not pretty sure if I posted this long ago, but she's different. I'd see her for a few seconds, and it makes my day. or even before my day start, I'd be with her in a dream and the moment I wake up with that hazy memory of being with her already makes my day. Some days, I'd try to stay a bit longer at school just to catch a glimpse of her. Are there other people who are as obsessed as I am? who knows. but fact of the matter is, she's different. different from every pretty face I see in university.
like, no matter how many pretty faces catch my eyes, there'll be this one lady who catches my heart.
OKAY! THAT LINE IS MINE! I WILL SUE ANYONE WHO TRIES TO PUT IT IN THEIR INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY WITHOUT GIVING ME DUE COMPENSATION! I'll put a trademark after it just to prove my point.
like, no matter how many pretty faces catch my eyes, there'll be this one lady who catches my heart.™
SO NO ONE CAN TAKE THAT LINE!!
or probably you can, if and only if, you girl caught you checking out other ladies. and if that wins the argument, then send me money!
wow, I've deviated from the topic like... I'm trippin' on shrooms.
it's been almost a year... what's new?
I vowed last year to find out her name, to put a name on that beautiful painting. but no (it may sound cheesy) she's more than a painting. cause I seemed to have placed her on a pedestal (and you can't put paintings on pedestals) and I feel inferior to her (which to some extent is true but that's not the point)
and when you feel inferior, you feel like you don't have the right to have someone or something. and I don't want that to happen. I would like to believe (no matter how far fetched it may be) that she and I will be something. without the drama of being overly possessive and insecure, like my good friend which seems to have problems with his girlfriend every now and then. wait, on second thought, 'every now and then' is an understatement, 'every single day' makes sense.
tall, dark, and lovely. that's me, wouldn't you agree? that's also her.
I'm not pretty sure if I posted this long ago, but she's different. I'd see her for a few seconds, and it makes my day. or even before my day start, I'd be with her in a dream and the moment I wake up with that hazy memory of being with her already makes my day. Some days, I'd try to stay a bit longer at school just to catch a glimpse of her. Are there other people who are as obsessed as I am? who knows. but fact of the matter is, she's different. different from every pretty face I see in university.
like, no matter how many pretty faces catch my eyes, there'll be this one lady who catches my heart.
OKAY! THAT LINE IS MINE! I WILL SUE ANYONE WHO TRIES TO PUT IT IN THEIR INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY WITHOUT GIVING ME DUE COMPENSATION! I'll put a trademark after it just to prove my point.
like, no matter how many pretty faces catch my eyes, there'll be this one lady who catches my heart.™
SO NO ONE CAN TAKE THAT LINE!!
or probably you can, if and only if, you girl caught you checking out other ladies. and if that wins the argument, then send me money!
wow, I've deviated from the topic like... I'm trippin' on shrooms.
Monday, August 16, 2010
25 days ago...
...someone was reading the seemingly sensible ideas from an anhedonic individual.
25 days later...
...I type again.
I do not expect people to read this anymore, and by people I meant the one or two readers I normally have. In the same manner as the populace from social networking sites move from one site to another determined by trends and the amount of people using it, Multiply has died.
I am merely feeding a dead man's agape mouth by still doing this.
I won't be here for too long, maybe a few posts here and there... until it all dies out. Which seems to be the case in online trends. cause everything is just a trend, what we waste time on will not matter in the next decade. The things which we try to accomplish on websites are short-term triumphs. We seemed to have been conditioned by the internet to live in the present, which I do think should be, but we also seemed to have lost the ability to step back and look at what we are doing into perspective.
Its either that or I am making assumptions based on things pulled out from my ass.
which seems to be the case innit?
25 days later...
...I type again.
I do not expect people to read this anymore, and by people I meant the one or two readers I normally have. In the same manner as the populace from social networking sites move from one site to another determined by trends and the amount of people using it, Multiply has died.
I am merely feeding a dead man's agape mouth by still doing this.
I won't be here for too long, maybe a few posts here and there... until it all dies out. Which seems to be the case in online trends. cause everything is just a trend, what we waste time on will not matter in the next decade. The things which we try to accomplish on websites are short-term triumphs. We seemed to have been conditioned by the internet to live in the present, which I do think should be, but we also seemed to have lost the ability to step back and look at what we are doing into perspective.
Its either that or I am making assumptions based on things pulled out from my ass.
which seems to be the case innit?
Thursday, July 08, 2010
lover's speat
it feels different now, when I hear her song... resonating in my head.
initially, it gave me a great sense of optimism. it made me believe that maybe this was really it given that I felt something every time our eyes meet, even just for a second or two. I might've blew my chances when I had it before, now it all seems like a blur.
at times I can still feel the optimism though faint, it's still there... like a ship disappearing into the horizon.
but nowadays, its nothing but a lost cause it seems. something which felt real, but really isn't. something which I almost had, but never got.
I guess I truly am tied to a night we've never met...
...hi I am Kenneth.. and you are?
initially, it gave me a great sense of optimism. it made me believe that maybe this was really it given that I felt something every time our eyes meet, even just for a second or two. I might've blew my chances when I had it before, now it all seems like a blur.
at times I can still feel the optimism though faint, it's still there... like a ship disappearing into the horizon.
but nowadays, its nothing but a lost cause it seems. something which felt real, but really isn't. something which I almost had, but never got.
I guess I truly am tied to a night we've never met...
...hi I am Kenneth.. and you are?
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