personal space

allow me to speak in english this time because I seem to think in english sometimes... but then the trouble is, when I think in english, my thoughts are highly fragmented... and I don't seem to have a solid point to drive... just a bunch of phrases that I blurt out in hopes of making sense... albeit, barely making the grade.

this is one of those blog entries I write earlier in the day. it's what? as of writing it's 6:32PM, most of my blog entries this year has been done at ungodly hours of the night, usually when I'm more contemplative and I've given things much thought. this time, however, I've noticed for quite sometime now. to actually call it "sometime" might be an understatement, long ago I've accepted that this has always been one of my weaknesses. I've been very distant with most people, if not all, rarely do I open up, although this blog says otherwise, for some reason I trust the kindness of strangers, no matter how cynical my view of the world is... besides, the internet provides me a semblance of anonymity to which opening up to a close friend cannot afford me. somehow, though, this might sound like a call for help, or a plea, I dunno, my hormonal angst ridden adolescence has passed me by and this is not me showing any angst, this is just me blurting out things that really don't make sense... at least with the way I say it.

somehow, this is not enough, for you, the reader, at least, but to me it is. I'm fine with having to sound as vaguely as possible, this... comforts... me. I don't need you to get the point, I don't need you to really get something out of this, actually, let's be realistic here, by the time I publish this blog entry, no one would even read this, to which I am perfectly fine with. I'm quite hesitant for people to actually take a look at this because people would merely think that I wasted their time with something as vague and as seemingly empty as this, but let me tell you, people, when you can't use words to describe what you feel, you either have a limited set of vocabulary or it's too big of a feeling or maybe even too abstract to limit it into words. I'd like to think, however, that I have a decent set of vocabulary, maybe it's just my lack of life experiences to actually recognize the underlying fault.

this would be the fourth paragraph of seemingly nonsensical thoughts put together, I dunno, does it even matter? most literary works have multiple and sometimes unnecessarily deep interpretations, why can't this blog entry be like them? probably because I am not worth the effort to do so? what am I? some random blogger with a blog layout which is around four years old, this blog layout is older than most animals in this house, that's amazing... to me, at least. but I digress, to which this blog entry seems to be full of, but no, actually it's all part of the grand scheme of things. the bigger picture that only I can see because I fail to disclose most of the details.

sometimes, let me be me.