the story ends with me... not getting what I want.
it, however, starts optimistically. me brimming with hope, nothing short of any semblance of gusto. specific goals which are easy to visualize are always the best motivators. it started three years ago, I've stopped blogging here and did it at my exclusive to contacts multiply blog. a different blog harbored the trials and tribulations that got me to where I am right now. to those expecting to make sense out of this, I am advising you to leave or either skip this entry, this will be a moody piece. I rarely make sense, and if I do, that's unintentional... or if what I say does make sense and yet I deem it to be vague, then congratulations, you know how my mind works.
I'm not really sure if that's worth congratulating, though.
I subscribe to the idea that we are born to do great things, no matter how dumb people may consider you. it's just a matter of motivation. there are many ways to get motivated, slaves are motivated by whips and chains, yuppies are motivated by their paycheck, and altruistic individuals are motivated by that fulfilling feeling that eludes most people since we've been too engrossed in the pursuit of worldly desires marketed to us by companies. no, I am not a commie sympathizer who believes that capitalists should fall and that sort of shit, I've grown inundated with trying to change the world by collectives and we seem to forget how to look at the individual.
if some people out there would like to change the world by fighting for a certain ideology, then go ahead, I'm looking inwards. it's more of a philosophical choice more than anything, people can call me selfish for prioritizing myself before the good of society, and I can preempt every other thing people might call me, but at the end of the day, the internet is the best place to bully people... how about this? what if I deliberately not make any sense at all to ward off anyone looking for any meaning in what I say and with who I am. it's not my problem.
I'm a bit of a loose cannon... especially now that I'm extremely exhausted and I don't even look at the keyboard nor the screen no more. I just let my thoughts guide my fingers and let my fingers feel the keyboard and just keep on typing at my whim... probably without making any sense nr any valuable meaning. I've been a bit meta on this entry, haven't I? forgive me for being redundant and self-conscious... I am a bit of a loose cannon.
somehow, though, I feel the need to make sense. I feel the need to reach out and at least get my point, if any, or lack thereof, across. I feel the need to matter, to which given that this blog doesn't get as much hits, I am failing to achieve. or maybe I'm suffering the fate just like everyone else? we all try to matter, we all want to be remembered for something, or to feel like it's not all an entirely a waste of time, but I think it all is... we've gotten so caught up in the architecture of the modern age that we're stuck and we can't find glass ceilings to break out of. I have torn ligaments in my fingers... or is it tendons? I dunno. what I do know, however, is that my fingers are in pain, and the more I type, the more I exacerbate the injury... so allow me to shut up and let you go.
cause it's one thing I fail to do to a lot of social encounters.
I'm not really sure if that's worth congratulating, though.
I subscribe to the idea that we are born to do great things, no matter how dumb people may consider you. it's just a matter of motivation. there are many ways to get motivated, slaves are motivated by whips and chains, yuppies are motivated by their paycheck, and altruistic individuals are motivated by that fulfilling feeling that eludes most people since we've been too engrossed in the pursuit of worldly desires marketed to us by companies. no, I am not a commie sympathizer who believes that capitalists should fall and that sort of shit, I've grown inundated with trying to change the world by collectives and we seem to forget how to look at the individual.
if some people out there would like to change the world by fighting for a certain ideology, then go ahead, I'm looking inwards. it's more of a philosophical choice more than anything, people can call me selfish for prioritizing myself before the good of society, and I can preempt every other thing people might call me, but at the end of the day, the internet is the best place to bully people... how about this? what if I deliberately not make any sense at all to ward off anyone looking for any meaning in what I say and with who I am. it's not my problem.
I'm a bit of a loose cannon... especially now that I'm extremely exhausted and I don't even look at the keyboard nor the screen no more. I just let my thoughts guide my fingers and let my fingers feel the keyboard and just keep on typing at my whim... probably without making any sense nr any valuable meaning. I've been a bit meta on this entry, haven't I? forgive me for being redundant and self-conscious... I am a bit of a loose cannon.
somehow, though, I feel the need to make sense. I feel the need to reach out and at least get my point, if any, or lack thereof, across. I feel the need to matter, to which given that this blog doesn't get as much hits, I am failing to achieve. or maybe I'm suffering the fate just like everyone else? we all try to matter, we all want to be remembered for something, or to feel like it's not all an entirely a waste of time, but I think it all is... we've gotten so caught up in the architecture of the modern age that we're stuck and we can't find glass ceilings to break out of. I have torn ligaments in my fingers... or is it tendons? I dunno. what I do know, however, is that my fingers are in pain, and the more I type, the more I exacerbate the injury... so allow me to shut up and let you go.
cause it's one thing I fail to do to a lot of social encounters.
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