growing up in apathy

I'd say growing up.. I was very distant to people... to family, friends, and people in between... rarely do I connect...

I was... no.. I still am an apathetic person...

although I'm not a fan of defining things anymore... since to define something is to limit it and human experiences are abstract... and using words to give abstract ideas form isn't probably the best way to give a definitive answer... given that words can only do so much... because if words were the best thing to give something shape or form.. then images and sounds and whatever shouldn't exist anymore... the definition of abstract ideas with words is not absolute...

therefore I must tell you that apathy does not define every dimension of me...

but yeah... apathy.. apathetic... whatever

a person of authority in our household just screamed at someone... I was watching a philosophical film while all the screaming was going on... I paused it... then I heard it was in vernacular.. so I just turned up the volume...

on the surface it looks like tolerance more than apathy.. but I think it goes hand in hand... like... tolerance requires a stimulus against your predetermined set of beliefs... because you can't tolerate something you like.. ergo.. to tolerate means you allow something to exist without you getting rid of it.. and to function normally when something you do not like is there, you must be able to not care to an extent... in a way... apathy is within tolerance...

although I might be wrong... cause everyone thinks they're right...

but yeah...

I do not care sometimes... or I don't want to care so it programs my mind to not really care at all... but the established idea is that I do not care...

cause the world is selfish.. really... most often than not we would rather read a blog entry about ourselves than about a college student's philosophy on whatever... people sometimes read the latter cause maybe they do not have the benefit of the former...

we settle with what we can... because economics practically says that everything in the world is limited... and most of the limited wealth is concentrated within the rich classes...

so yeah... I think society nowadays does a great job of being apathetic... I am not sure if its a conscious decision to not really care.. or the mass media has oriented our brains to think that we truly care... because if people truly cares then the situation wouldn't be as this bad..

I differentiate myself from others by being aware that I do not care...

I try not to give myself the illusion of caring.. because we care for the things that we know exists... and caring is never a two way thing... y'know.. like.. a kid in North Korea could not possibly care about the earthquake in Haiti...

so what about those which we know? let's say the earthquake in Haiti, the death of Michael Jackson, or my girlfriend?

I don't think one could truly care about the first two.. but the last one... yeah sure... its what the youth nowadays is good at...

so why can't you truly care about the earthquake in Haiti or Michael Jackson? sure.. you had an emotional connection with the event... but I believe our notion of "caring" ends there... cause you don't really know what is going on... the news you receive from mass media shouldn't be taken at truth... cause one can't be all too trusting on something...

and I don't want to speak