happeh

I dunno... I've always had this notion that I am the happiest when I am in pursuit of something...

like... happiness itself is found in the pursuit of happiness..

and I end up feeling empty after attaining what I always wanted.. however hard I worked for it.. the fruits of my labor doesn't taste as sweet as it should be..

the process fulfills me rather than the end result... it sounds absurd.. yeah?

so I'm bound to a life of endless running... on and on to whatever makes sense to me... or what doesn't seem to make sense but has something which keeps me going...

is a life of fulfilling pursuit is better than a life of fulfilling attainments?

the things we go for in life generally makes us a better person in the process.. but the things we achieve in life gives us a sense of completeness.. is a better man better than a complete man?

but I guess I have to stop running after something eventually... for reasons I am not aware of yet.. I'll eventually settle down.. in the middle of the road which extends until my determination allows it to... maybe that is when I stop growing as a person.. when ambitions are low..

although I think I've deviated from what I was saying from the beginning.. I do not think I've become a better person... I think I remained the same person who never seems to learn...now matter what time imposes unto me... I never seem to learn...

so I keep on lying to myself that I am turning in to a better person all this time