tangina...
di ko ma-ayos ang sarili kong buhay... ewan ko ba kung baket... tangina talaga
siguro dahil lang ito sa kalayaang kaakibat ng pagiging college student.. pero shit.. di talaga ako pwede sa ganito... sobrang malaya ako at sobrang dami ng distractions...
o baka sadyang natatakot lang ako kaya di ako makapag-focus... ayaw ko sanang mag-summer... kung pwede lang sana.. bumagsak ako tapos di ako magsusummer... kasi shit.. grades lang yan eh... paki ba ng kumpanyang pagtatrabahuhan ko pag may 5-6 years na ko ng working experience sa transcirpt of records ko... tangina talaga
napapatagalog at napapamura ako sa blag ko.. kaya seryoso na talaga ako.. although mas muka pa atang seryoso ang tono ko pag ingles ang blag entries ko... whatever...
puta... sobrang nagsasayang ako ng oras eh... alas kwatro na dito.. at kaninang alas siyete ng umaga plano ko sana eh mag-aral ako ng math buong araw... mula grade school math hanggang college algebra.. pero sa kalagitnaan.. nawalan ako ng pag-asa at tumigil na ko...
di epektibo ang plano kong takutin ang sarili sa pamamagitan ng pagkakaroon ng bagsak na prelim grade... kaya kelangan ko ng dominatrix.. haha... shit.. kahit anong pilit kong gawin di ko talaga kaya mag-seryoso sa buhay...
tanginang laki ng problema ko sa buhay amputa...
isa akong malaking patapon... promising sana ako nung grade school eh.. andaming mga teacher na nagsasabi saken na matalino naman daw ako at kaya ko daw mag top one... putang ina... dahil dun mas lalo ako naging complacent.. putang ina.. I lost the will to prove something because people were telling me I had the potential... and it somewhat made me feel like I was able to prove something... though it may not be manifested by awards or whatever.. but in some way it existed...
kaya I don't blame anyone... hearing those things from my past teachers telling me that I had the potential made me think that they might be saying that to every other kid...
sounds like self-pity I guess... I dunno what to call it... but yeah.. I am one of the world's disappointments... but I'm pretty sure there are a lot of other people like me... people who had the potential but because of the lack of discipline wasn't able to live up to what people expected from them...
I think at the end of the day... it is one's discipline that matters.. no matter how intelligent a person is they will falter without discipline...
is it too late to have discipline? and how does one develop or get it? is it something which comes from within or something an external entity should impose?
I fucking need to get out of Economics and get into Philosophy
1 comment:
You need to fuck.
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