royalty

I am not a firm believer of multiple personalities...

yeah sure.. we handle ourselves differently in different situations.. but that doesn't mean you have different egos functioning at different periods in time..

I came to that conclusion unscientifically when I compare my behavior in the International Students Association org room from how I act when I am with people I know well..

its like.. when I am with some of my friends.. I am this loud kid who blurts out randomness and mostly inappropriate commentaries on everyday events.. but when I sit there.. in the corner of the extremely cold org room.. full of black people and chinese people.. and me being the only pure blooded filipino... I turn into this silent, shy little boy who does nothing but listen to the conversations between people of different races but with an accent far more superior than mine...

or maybe when I am with a friend.. who is with someone or a bunch of people I do not know... I remain totally quiet... you'd never hear a single word from me... hell.. I can't even force out a single word from myself.. aside from short answers such as "yes" "no" and "I dunno"

but when I am in that state... become more... pensive or something.. like a zen thing or something... that is why I come up with blog entries..

I become quiet... cause I have no one to talk to.. and when I do not utter a single word.. my brain becomes full of thoughts and whatnot.. and it forms an incomprehensible cesspool of ideas.. I concretize it by writing blog entries..

so I have two extremely opposing behavior.. one is the obnoxiously loud prick who is highly sociable.. and the other is an eerily silent boy who could probably do well as a buddhist monk...

that doesn't mean I have multiple personalities.. because I think the word personality is an umbrella term of some sort which encompasses the different facets of one's totality as a being...

whatever..

as much as possible I try to make sense.. hopefully this time.. I do..

in the morning!

a day wasted is day well spent...

because life is too short for one to work on something great from the ground up...

but if you were able to do something great.. from scratch.. without any proponents... where is your life now?

I spent the whole day not studying... it is stupid.. I know.. but that's just being human.. being stupid! oh yes... we all are...

and also being human means to have regrets... which I will have tomorrow... when I cannot recall the answer to a certain question...

its kinda ironic really.. I know I will regret not studying for the exams.. but it seems as though that... I do not regret having any regrets... its like some infinite regression of some sort... like when you are in the middle of two mirrors.. and the mirror in front of you reflects the mirror behind you which in turn reflects the mirror reflecting the mirror it reflects..

the only way it can be possibly solved is by an external force affecting it.. like the curvature of the earth... or the improper alignment of the mirrors... although I it doesn't seem to be solved.. yeah sure the cycle seems to end.. but in reality, you are just ignoring the continuum of reflections...

yes.. physics bullcrap... I love physics.. just like how I love the idea of being a philosopher, basic economics, consumerist photography, and cheap street food...

I need an environment where I belong... a place intellectual enough to have weird nerdy conversations without getting in too deep or be taken seriously.. but stupid enough to find putting omega painkiller on the scrotum funny.. infinitely funny..

Leslie Feist is a good singer.. she can hit notes which puts me in a trance.. and an airy voice with enough sustain...

random shit.. whatever...

I'm getting fatter.. I gained 10 pounds.. I gained back the weight I lost from saving up money for my playstation...

2008 was the year of the playstation.. 2009 was the year of rock band... hmmm.. what will be my next big investment in 2010?

a certain thing called "friendships" might be a good investment this year.. let's see...

t back

I wanted to write something about the event I went to.. as soon as I got home that day.. but meh... I don't do things when I know it won't live up to my standards...

and when I say standards... I mean things that try to make sense but normally don't.. y'know.. its like.. I try to write things that I really really really really really want to make sense.. but I end up writing something extremely raw.. something that only people as deranged as I am could comprehend..

but whatever.. I'll save that thought for an entirely different and probably more significant entry...

last friday... yeah.. I think.. yeah.. last friday.. I went with a bunch of my classmates to Welcome Rotonda.. they had to do a project on Human Rights and whatever and being the wanna be filmmaker that I am.. I went with them with a camera...

it was a rally commemorating the mendiola massacre whatever.. I walked with them from Welcome Rotonda to Mendiola.. to cut the story I cannot tell in the proper chronological order short... it was definitely something... but as with every benign experiences I have, I realize certain things.. most of which would probably sound absurd...

activism on paper seems nice... but I don't think I am fit for it... for one, I have learned how to be immune to brainwashing after reading countless unreferenced wikipedia articles.. so mainstream media's brainwashing doesn't seem to work on me.. and the activist's pretty rhetoric doesn't work on me as well...

y'know.. its like.. I've lost the need to change the world.. or maybe I started to not care anymore..

even the care bears don't care..

they've been at it for years now... protest here.. protest there.. and most often than not.. they don't bring change at all..

the people in power have enough power to not care.. the youth of today have enough time on facebook (and not enough time for multiply TO READ MY BLOG) to not care.. as for me I realized that I am too small of a force to try to even make a difference...

or maybe, just like everyone else, I've been brainwashed as well...

the leftist activists I spoke with during the protest didn't seem to know anything about economics.. or the capitalist system.. OF COURSE.. its their enemy.. the opposing ideology.. SO WHY STUDY IT RIGHT?

I think Sun Tzu wrote something about that in his Art of War.. something about knowing your enemy and knowing yourself and whatever.. I do not think you can defeat anything you do not comprehend... its like passing a test you haven't studied.. forgive the poor analogies...

BUT YEAH

WHATEVER

I am not making sense AGAIN...

y'know.. I think it is only fitting to not take me seriously... not only what I say.. but me as an entity... I AM A FUCKING CRACKPOT! and not even the good crackpot who earn awards and stuff... I'm like the bored kid who has nothing better to do.. yeah it sounds emo..

whatever.. everything is raw here anyway...

IN THE MORNING!

teen age riot

saturday sunday...

at di ako nagaral...

I wouldn't dare ask what the fuck is wrong with me... cause I practically know..

but what I would really want to know is why can't I keep myself motivated... seriously...

instead of studying for my exams which I have a high probability of failing... I chose to sleep the whole afternoon off.. yes, I feel relatively better but my leg still hurts like hell...

I need... I have.. I will... will I? study

... I suddenly felt the need to extend this blog entry...

eating tons of polysaccharide and listening to iron maiden makes me feel better.. think better..

anyway...

yeah..

I feel directionless this semester.. totally directionless..

maybe because I don't have a professor who scares me.. or a subject difficult enough to keep me scared...

yeah.. maybe that's it... I am not scared enough... I've earned too much confidence.. its almost self destructive... I NEED TO BE AFRAID... hell.. even the idea of me failing doesn't scare me enough to study!

maybe because I have delusions of transferring to UP.. or to UT, Austin...

and instead of studying.. I am watching free form jazz drumming...

money billiards

hmmmmmm... kung si Manny Villar ang magtatapos ng ating kahirapan... or ng kahirapan ng mga batang kumakanta sa video niya na clearly di ako sakop ng kanilang strata.. baket pa niya kelangan maging presidente upang tapusin ang kanilang kahirapan?

at ibig sabihin ba nun ay ang mga mahihirap ay aasa na lang kay Villar?

pero teka.. wag nating kalimutan na ang matagal nang meme na ginagamit ni Villar sa kanyang pangangampanya ay ang "Sipag at Tiyaga"

case in point...

si Villar ay dating iskwater.. pano siya naging senador? Sipag at Tiyaga...

ang mga bata sa video niya mga iskwater.. paano sila aasenso? Manny Villar...

no... I am not a big fan of Manny Villar.. but being an economist (read: World Bank's mindless drone) I approve of his real estate activities.. it provides employment to some people.. and as far as I know he's the richest pure blooded filipino (because apparently the richest guy in the Philippines is chinese).. so yeah.. if I were to say something good about him.. that pretty much sums it all up...

lately ko lang napanood ang kanyang bagong campaign ad.. yung parang checklist niya...

isa sa mga items dun ay ang mga nabigyan niya ng trabaho... ang tanong ko lang sana ay... ang mga nabigyan ba niya ng trabaho ay pang long term at di lang contractual? at ang mga nagtrabaho para sa C5 road extension project ay kasama ba dun?

mga kaibigan, wala akong pinapanigang pulitika... in one way or the other, I admire some of their traits... but I wouldn't bash a candidate entirely... I also wouldn't also kiss their ass as well...

expect me to do more senseless criticisms on other candidates.. if I'm still alive by then

...of helpleness and poverty

yeah.. its an exaggeration...

but I just can't help but realize how poor I am in many other respects...

monetarily, yeah.. we're doing well than others.. but money isn't everything... although money puts you in the right path...

I spoke of higher powers in my previous blog entry.. and how I believe they are against my views... in this entry, it will be my parents who shall be considered as such...

being a kid, I am in no position to be financially independent.. and certain things are achieved with a wad of cash...

my parents are earning a lot.. relatively.. but earning a lot means nothing if you do not manage your money well.. I believe it is stupid to spend more on things which will be of short term value.. and I am aware that my parents are making the same mistake...

I have dreams.. I have talents which I want to be developed.. and I have wants that are superficial... but apparently my parents regard my wants as petty and thus easily ignorable..

yeah sure.. they have supported me in certain endeavors.. when I was a kid..

but I am a different person than I was.. or at least I have different interests..

my parents never bothered to actually explore the possibilities of my talents... yes, I am affirming the fact that I do have talents... and they go undeveloped without proper nurturing...

they would rather have me go to driving schools.. which I believe are of no use if you do have common sense and the will to learn... and a car.. and parents who are willing to let you drive the car...

I am 17.. and turning 18 this summer... is it too late to explore where my talents (or the talents which I want to develop) will take me?

yes, we do live in an impoverished country with impoverished people... and opportunities are for the select few... am I afraid that I am one of the impoverished people.. doomed to live a life of mediocrity bordering worthlessness...

musings of a directionless boy

a year later... and I am stuck here in my room full of books I will never read...

behind me is a long desk full of things that ought to be put in the rubbish bin...

and in front is a friend who has kept me shackled...

...so what now?

anyway...

lately I've been having a bad time with my classmates... or at least with the natives among my classmates.. I've never had problems with people of different race...

yes, I know... I am not with the proper crowd... but I am forced to be in this predicament...

but I'll learn how to deal with it... or maybe I already know how to...

all I'm waiting for is my sophomore year.. so the kids whom I am not in good terms with will be transferring elsewhere..

I guess its all about the people you spend time with... and lately I've been spending time with the wrong people.. ergo, I have to go elsewhere and meet new people.. and when things don't work out as I wanted it to be... then do it again and again and again... ideally, that would be the plan... because in the middle of things I turn out to be an ass... so I have to go to other people who are not aware of my inherently bad attitude..

its like a renewal of some sort

I need to go through a cycle of renewal because like a mentally ill person (according to the DSM-IV)... I can't maintain lasting relationships..

unless the other party tries to work things out...

I mean... I don't think there is anyone who can handle me.. not that I'm saying that I'm wild or liberated... but I have yet to meet a person who can tolerate me, distinguish my sarcasm, and can read the meaning behind my actions...

no, I am not willing to compromise... I will either live happy or sad... either which way I am going to be screwed because every effort I put into living will ultimately be meaningless unless I become part of the history books...

long live multiply! and death to the faddists!

people attack

I don't think it feels right when people share their life stories to me... not a fan... really

well sure... I listen... I just can't empathize.. but I at least know when someone is lying... I just know...

listening to other people's life stories make my life miserably boring.. maybe that's another reason why I don't enjoy those things.. well sure.. I am well aware that I live a boring life.. but listening to other life stories makes it worse...

or maybe I'm just spending too much time with people who have interesting life stories? or maybe I just can't see how interesting my life is? I dunno... life is full of questions.. most of which are unanswerable... so why bother asking questions?

lets face it.. the higher powers will always be in control.. and the more you ask questions.. the more they'll limit your actions.. and at the end of the day... when you finally get into a position where in you are considered as a higher power... you become what you used to hate.. and now those whom you used to be now hate you... it is a cycle... it is possible to break it.. but at the expense of you being in the same position throughout your life...then you lose the ability to choose which path your life will take... because you will remain in the path where you have always been.. afraid to take another path which will go against the path you are in...

I don't want to think too much.. but there is no point in stopping it.. either I become stupid and happy and docile.. or remain troubled with my questions and ridiculing those who do not dare ask... and when I try to become happy... I become stupid.. and I become what I look down on...

...but who cares? at least I'm happy..

oh wait... I care

void

again... life feels... empty...

maybe I'm listening to too much Nowhere Man... yeah.. I guess so...

I'm not a nowhere man... but most often than not... I see myself as such...

its all about perception... especially when voids exist and you try to expand space and time to make something occupy it... the universe is for me.. earth isn't...

it has always been like this... I rarely feel fulfilled... almost never... maybe because my dreams of great things will never be possible.. even though I am capable of doing so...

the world will never do my bidding... never does to anyone... that is why I shall continue to destroy it... and yeah... they've always said that "you cannot give what you do not have"

...apparently I have enough to be destructive... because we are all correct... you only start to become wrong when you cannot assert yourself... it is survival of the fittest out there... let the hungry and homeless die.. learn to stand on your two feet.. and learn how to walk on all fours... which will eventually make you a stronger person...

DEATH TO EVERYONE!

complete starboard

ayaw ko talaga pumasok bukas...

gusto ko na lang maging tambay habambuhay...

or hanggang di na ko suportahan ng aking magulang...

sobrang walang kwentang itong linggo ko... puta... mag-simba ba naman kasi?! hello?! tatapusin mo ang bakasyon mo sa isang relihiyosong ritwal?

ansama ko naman... pero hello? relihiyon?! lalo na ang katolisismo?

parang... ang nangyayari sa katolisismo ay mas nagiging tungkol sa mga ritwal at sa mga mala-pantasyang nangyari kay hesus sa biblya.. at di na tungkol sa mga itinuro niya at sa mga values na dapat isabuhay ng isang katoliko...

ano ba naman kasing relihiyon ang sinesermunan ang mga deboto linggo linggo? ayos na sana yung isang sermon tungkol sa isang spesipikong moral defect.. pero di eh.. uulit-ulitin yan taon taon dahil ang sermon na yan ay base sa biblya.. at di naman gumagawa ng bagong chapters ang biblya ngayon.. nagiiba lang sa paraan ng pag-tuligsa sa ating mga pagkukulang...

nairita lang ako sa sermon ng pari... oo.. naniniwala naman ako na may tama siya.. at naniniwala rin akong may tama siya... dahil.. maging judgemental ba naman.. baket daw ang mga studyante inaantok sa klase.. pero gising na gising pag nasa kompyuter shop... ganyan ba ang herald ni kristo? isang mapanuligsang figurehead? oo na nga.. santo ka na para pagsabihan ang mga naniniwala sa diyos mo gamit ang mga hinde nabeberipikang impormasyon!

at isa pa sa mga kinaiinisan ko... ay kung paano tayo dine-demean ng mga pari sa buong buhay natin... okay.. sabihin na nating nagsisimba ako linggo linggo.. at bawat linggo na lang sinesermunan ako.. di ba parang.. ipinamumuka ng mga pari na tayo'y panghabambuhay na may sira? oo nga naman.. walang perpektong nilalang.. subalit maari naman nating pilitin maging perpekto.. dahil ba porque di ka pwedeng maging perpekto ay mabubuhay ka ng di mo inaayos ang iyong pagkukulang?

anyway.. imbes na tulungan tayo ng ating relihiyon.. na katolisismo.. ay tayo'y tinatapakan sa pamamagitan ng pagsabi sa atin linggo linggo na tayo'y may depekto..

kaya ako'y napapalihis sa paniniwala ni Sidharta Gautama..

pero hinde ko naman kelangan ma-affiliate sa isang relihiyon upang maging mabuting tao... basta't mahalin ko lang ang aking kapwa.. ng walang diskriminasyon...

kung tutuusin nga eh.. mas mainam na wala akong panigang relihiyon.. dahil pag sinabi kong ako'y isang hudyo o katoloiko sa mga ibang parte ng middle east.. ako'y maaring paslangin..

at minsan rin ay.. tila ba.. ang ibang tao ay gumagawa ng mabuti dahil sa relihiyon.. sapagkat sila'y maliligtas kapag sila'y gumawa ng mabuti... kelangan pa ba ng pangakong ganun para lang gumawa ng mabuti?

oo... china-channel ko ang mga pari.. at sinesermunan ko kayo...

pero sana man lang... mas tingnan natin ang mga mabubuting aral na nais ng Diyos na isabuhay natin.. wag ang guilt na iniimpose sa atin sa pamamagitan ng pagpapakita ng Kristong nakapako sa krus...

I AM THE WARLUS GOO GOO G'JOOB!!

incomplete starboard

ayaw ko pang pumasok...

pero boring naman ang buhay sa bahay...

kala ko kasi sa 6 pa pasok namin.. pero sa lunes na pala.. everything now feels like sunday...

anyway

I was supposed to do an entry on a list on why 2009 should be memorable.. but... meh.. I got bored in the middle of it.. and decided to put it in my drafts.. maybe I'll finish it during the summer.. whatever...

ayaw ko pa pumasok kasi... di ako handa... hinde ko alam kung may assignment.. hinde ko alam kung kelan deadline nung presentation.. hinde ko alam kung ano mangyayari.. yun siguro yung major fear ko talaga... uncertainty... pero keber pa rin saken ang maging experimental.. dahil alam ko naman controlled ang mga outcome.. pero sa ganitong posisyon.. kung saan maraming posibleng mangyari.. at hinde ko kayang paghandaan ang bawat circumstance... dun na ko natatakot...

at gusto ko pa makapiling ang aking pinsan mula sa australia.. dahil baka magkaroon ulet siya ng panibagong adventure... siguro pag ganun ang mangyayari... aabsent na lang ako.. tutal.. simula pa lang ng taon..

ano kaya ginagawa ng mga prof matapos ang mga mahahabang breaks?

mukang eepal siguro logic prof ko... ganun naman yun lagi eh... pero yung iba.. di ko alam...

shit.. may math pala kami... di naman mahirap math eh.. di ko lang talaga alam gagawin ko... pero kung alam ko lang yun.. madaling madali siya.. simple...

kaya mas nadadalian ako sa ibang subjects eh.. kasi simple lang ang formula.. alalahanin ang tinuro ng prof...

pero siyempre.. iba pa ring degree ang critical thinking.. kung saan ikaw ang nagtatanong.. imbes na ikaw ang sumasagot..

di ko lang alam kung pano nadedevelop ang critical thinking ng isang tao.. or kung sadyang meron ka nun o wala.. nature vs nurture ba...

I AM THE EGO MAN GOO GOO G'JOOB!!

new year celebrations

always suck...

for me at least...

cause there'll always be something or someone to ruin it one way or another...

but yeah.. I can't seem to remember a new year's celebration which didn't suck.. its like.. all of the sudden... everyone starts becoming an ass to Kenneth.. ONLY

'slike.. they always get the fat off from Kenneth's steak.. they always make Kenneth do things that will eventually piss them off.. they always see to it that the whole family is complete when watching fireworks.. and by complete.. what I meant was them minus Kenneth...

I don't think I'm getting too emo and stuff.. its not like I'm exaggerating things.. well.. maybe a little bit.. but who the fuck even reads this...

so yeah.. I'm going to even out the playing field by...

1. turning off the light in my room... because there is some superstition I think about the lights and the new year and stuff...

2. removing one of the wall clock's battery... because again.. there is some superstition about all of the clocks having to work in the household during the new years...

3. by wearing purple... cause everyone else is wearing red...

4. and by eating ahead of everyone else...

5. by putting all of the worcestershire sauce on my plate so they won't have any on their steaks

6. ...and BY NOT TALKING TO THEM OR GREETING THEM A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

hooray for minuscule rebellions! haha... all is well folks.. at least you don't act like assholes towards me.. y'know why?

...because something can't be if that something isn't an entity at all

a list on why 2009 should be memorable...

...but actually isn't..

I guess I'd remember the events.. but maybe not the year.. or whatever.. does the events in a certain period of time constitute the year itself?

2009.. great for most, lackluster for me.. although there have been a lot of significant events this year.. a lot of celebrities have died this year.. Barack Obama assumed office.. PS3 price cut.. H1N1 outbreak.. and many others that other people consider as significant...

but this is my blog.. ergo, I shall write things about myself.. because other people don't write about me.. and you get your news here.. and I AM GOD

sorry.. I'm high on kitkats and cadburys.. and the fireworks are starting.. and I am listening to Yoko Ono... please understand

anyway... first on my list would be...

Thesis: does a better job of keeping me up than espressos
writing papers isn't really that difficult of a job.. I know a lot of people would rather have their anuses probed than write a thesis.. but I think the only difficult thing in writing a paper is keeping yourself from getting lethargic..

but defending the paper is... something quite difficult for me.. not because I find the questions and the idea of being in front of a panel scary... but because of my short-term memory problem.. so its either give short bursts of answers or I try to give an elaborate one but in the middle of it.. I ask "ma'am, what is the question again?".. seriously.. I'd rather have them write their questions on a piece of paper so I can give them the answers they need without me asking and asking and asking for the question...

and after the thesis comes...
Graduation Day: the day that could be made shorter by sending the diploma via Air21
but yeah.. ceremonies are important.. cause we are civilized people.. and civilized people prepare things like these because we are rational thinkers...

not a fan of mass.. not a fan of formal attires.. not a fan of seeing other people do better than me because I'm too damned lazy...

it should be memorable for me... IT SHOULD.. but it isn't..

but before graduation day.. there is the pseudo-prom called
The Graduation Ball: where I realized that some people look more dignified with their school uniforms
social events aren't really my thing.. and formal stuff as well.. and dates.. fine dining is.. but I like fine dining because I get to contaminate the fine people's air space with my 3rd world-yness..

but yeah.. I had to go cause I paid a fortune for one night.. and I had a date.. but if it were up to me.. I'd rather have Mikee date someone else.. at least in that setting..

well I'd rather not remember the night altogether.. *rolls eyes*

and as a graduation gift.. my sister from Singapore took me to..
Boracay: eastwood on white sand
on a scale of 1 to 10.. I'd give the experience a rating of 6.. the place is pretty much polluted.. it is not a white sand paradise.. walking from one end of the shoreline to the other was a drag.. but hey.. white sand, blue skies and a toy camera with 5 rolls of films.. that's more than enough to keep me happy.. for 4 hours...

don't get me wrong.. the experience was fun.. but everything was overpriced as hell..

bidder bitter

dahil new year.. magtatagalog ako... yehey! naiintindihan ko na rin ang mga ita-type ko dito!

anyway...

napansin ko na yung mga kaklase ko'y nag-enjoy sa 2009... di ko lubos mawari ang mga kadahilanan ng kanilang kasiyahan para sa taon na ito... sapagkat di ko gaanong ikinagalak ang itong taon..

baket?

well for one... nasa kolehiyo na ko... at ang buhay sa kolehiyo ay napaka... iksi...

ang aking iskeydyul ay mula alas siyete ng umaga hanggang alas onse.. at may mga pagkakataon ring hanggang ala una ng hapon.. at minsan kelangan ko maghintay ng pagka-tagal tagal para sa PE ko... kaya roughly eh mahigit 30 hours ako sa iskwelahan sa isang linggo... di katulad ng 8-10 hours ko sa iskwelahan nung hayskul...

at pareho lang rin naman siguro ang commute time.. dahil matrapik sa may Junction at Tikling nung hayskul.. eh kung may tren lang sana mula Brookside hanggang beda.. lupet na nun..

I am not making sense.. or this blog entry isn't coherent..

MAG-TAGALOG KA!!

subalit ikinagalak ko ang pagbabago ng kapaligirang aking ginagalawan... at ang aking natagpuang bagong kalayaan.. oo.. patay na bata ako nung hayskul.. di ako party peeps.. di ako lumalabas para sumama sa class parties and chorva... I was not a social being..

kaya ngayon eh bumabawi ako.. di sa pamamagitan ng pag-pa-party.. ako'y bumabawi sa pamamagitan ng pag-explore ng maynila..

marahil ay hinde magandang lugar ang maynila para mag-explore sa isang studyanteng katulad ko.. ngunit hinde ako magpapatinag at ako'y matututo sa mga pasikot-sikot ng maynila...

shit.. I am not making sense..

may I speak in engrish?

anyway...

yeah.. this doesn't seem to be my year.. although senior high was relatively fun.. but I consider the early part of 2009 as the extension of 2008.. don't ask why.. I have a screwed process.. although I don't think you'd even dare ask why...

UST is fun.. I guess.. but everything seems too.. structured.. or I dunno..

the school isn't for people with free spirits.. because to believe in God means.. GOD OWNS YOUR SPIRIT

whatever...

Antony on Yoko Ono's Toyboat sounds weird.. I mean.. Yoko Ono sounds weird on her own.. but to put a transvestite guy-girl on second voice.. is WEIRD

AGAIN... I CAN'T SEEM TO MAKE A COHERENT YEAR END REVIEW..

I don't even care if it isn't good.. its not like I get a grade for doing a good entry...

GOD DAMN IT

I 'm just high on kitkats again.. I need to sleep.. and reply to the messages I ignored on facebook..

souleater

I've been listening to some Yoko Ono lately... she's good.. a good alternative to Bjork..

so yeah.. if you're a fan of weird music.. then Yoko Ono should be on your list.. but if you're too artsy and pretentious.. you may call her music as avant-garde...

anyway... its goodbye to 2009... and the year... feels.. like.. I dunno.. nothing...

I can't seem to derive any form of enjoyment out of anything nowadays... its like I am in a profound state of anhedonia.. like my multiply blog title..

my life doesn't feel like its going anywhere... yeah.. sure.. there is the corporate world I have to face after college.. but that doesn't seem like a good direction.. although it doesn't have to suck.. it will definitely suck.. but it won't suck as much... cause I'll be compensated.. with money.. which will be used to buy happiness...

yes... happiness is something that can be bought... because you don't buy something that you know would make you feel like shit... its what economists learn...

but yeah... I don't want to waste a part of my life in an office space working my ass off... I don't want work.. I want do something I like and be paid for it...

although I don't think I'll be thinking of the money when I'm doing something I enjoy.. yeah.. I guess a good job is priceless...

it all boils down to being happy with life... we all live to be happy.. and please.. prove me wrong...

I skipped noche buena for this?!

if enough people believed in something to be real... it becomes real...

like religion...

my throat hurts and its christmas time... and its noche buena... and I ate too much mashed potatoes... I am so mashed.. while listening to songs with 320 kbps bitrates

I promised a rundown of the gifts... and yeah... I'll give you a stripped down version... cause I am too mashed

I got a lot of things to wear.. top of my list is the Playboy boxers from the Agron family.. next is the abercrombie and fitch from the other Agron family.. then jeans one skinny, one hip hop-ish.. from tita nene and the Batallones, respecitvely.. then 3 bench body briefs from the Delgras.. YEAH!

the De Leons gave me a puzzle which I cannot seem to solve.. cause it's World's Most Difficult Puzzle™

Katrina's boyfriend gave me 2 copies of Discovery Magazine.. although it's technically my sister and my cousin's gift.. the boyfriend was just like the executive producer of some sort...

the Roldans gave me a paperback copy of the third edition of Geoffrey Robertson's Crimes Against Humanity.. the cover is orange and white, fits well in my room but you just gotta see how thick it is.. its thicker than a cheeseburger deluxe... and its a freakin' paperback! c'mon!

but yeah... I'll do my best go through the book... although I still have a backlog on Yann Martel's Life of Pi...

I think people assume too much that I am a voracious reader... my grade school yearbook even described me as such! and to set the record straight... I AM NOT A FAN OF READING.. you probably noticed that by now with the way I write my blog entries... but yeah.. people assume that I love reading because I seem to know a lot...

I just know a lot because there exists a National Geographic, Discovery Channel, and Google Video..

despite the fact that I got things to read for christmas, I felt glad because those people who gave me things to read know my interests.. and I believe that makes us really glad when we receive good gifts is not the gift itself.. but the fact that someone knows us well enough to give us what we want.. ergo, we get an assurance that people out there still knows who we are... our existence is acknowledged by others...

I don't think I can write more.. I wrote Mirjam Verkleij an excessively long message already.. and my brain is too mashed...

just imagine the image has vignetting, I don't have photoshop

320 kilobytes per sicand

the more I get older.. the more I don't feel the spirit of christmas...

...or maybe I'm just in an emotional recession?

but I've adopted a new philosophy of "everything is gonna be alright"... I think that's a song... I must be a song.. c'mon... is there any line that hasn't been turned into a song?

the family wouldn't be having a christmas party... for reasons I don't think you'd care about so I won't bother even typing it here... but yeah... well yesterday we had.. I think.. but we were too busy playing rock band... now that I got the beatles.. everyone can now sing... and play.. and... yeah...

god damn it... my train of thought just got derailed..

this is like... one of the instances where I really wanna say something substantial.. but I never seem to make any sense... or at least I am not articulate enough to do so... but yeah...

I am fucking irritated.. I feel like... there is something missing.. and I can't function properly without it... no, its not sleep.. I've had 7 hours of sleep... its not a bath.. because... well.. you already know why...

this sounds cliche... but life feels empty... seriously..

yeah sure.. everything is going to be alright.. but... does that necessarily mean that life feels worth living? no, I am not going to snuff it... I may be insignificant... but hanging myself would only make me more insignificant... less important than a footnote on a book about the history of staplers...

I seriously need to get out of the country or something... or out of the planet... I feel like an extraterrestrial being.. or... like.. a person ahead of my time...

but yeah.. I think the label of being "ahead of your time" was invented just to make the crackpots and weirdos feel better... just like calling mentally retarded people as "special children"

whatever.. I'll just do a christmas gift review later... because the people I'll be thanking are those who will not be able to read any of my blog entries

alotta fun! alotta fun! alotta fan

I live a boring life... fo realzz

and today... day 1 of my christmas vacation... is... a smashing pumpkins song...

today is the greatest day I've ever known.. can't live for tomorrow...

I feel so elated... and I'm too elated.. I won't be going into too much details... let's just say.. I traveled from our house to Glorietta having no idea what to do.. and I was with my aussie cousin and her chinese-vietnamese friend who had no idea what do to as well... then when we got there they dragged me around the place... buying lotsa stuff in some upscale place.. and me looking like some 3rd world guy.. I love contaminating the rich people's airspace with my 3rd worldy-ness...

I did a lot of firsts... I was able to eat my first Hagen-Dazs scoops.. costs as much as a my 1 month budget for my LRT card.. I was able to breathe inside a leather-y smelling Louis Vuitton place.. I was able to get into a Gucci place.. which had no people innit.. I was finally able to see Cubao X at night... and I was able to commute from our house to Ayala.. and back.. with other people.. who do not know how to go home as well..

anyway... it was a lot of fun... seriously.. like.. I don't think tomorrow is worth living for.. because I know how boring it'll be..

but yeah.. I never felt so elated... its like.. I feel better than when I got the Rock Band 2 set(and I only spent a few bucks for transportation! unlike when I bought the set)... its like... I don't feel empty.. even though I know tomorrow wouldn't be as fun as today.. or technically yesterday..

I guess.. now I know what makes me happy.. its not the games I play really.. its the people I spend time with.. or at least the foreigners I spend time with.. cause honestly.. I relate better to foreigners than to the filipino natives..

maybe I need to get out of the country and live elsewhere.. somewhere with more ate michelles, winnies, mirjams, femkes, richmonds, seng kaews, gum jalis, aung tu mons, jonases, and nilses.. yeah!!

anyway... the 20th of December is marked on my calendar... today is the greatest day that I have ever known.. and its not an exaggeration... or at least it doesn't seem to be...

this is like the first time I felt really happy... in weeks.. in months.. in years.. or ever?

low by the sea

I dunno... I feel like a crab...

never moving forward and hollow...

I can't say that I always look forward to waking up the next day...

everything went downhill after getting what I want... and I'm pretty sure this'll also happen if I get another thing that I want... life feels empty...

I can hear the waves.. the wind and the birds.. but it all feels empty...

I see the sun.. I stare at it... I see through it.. and it all seems like a blur...

the wind seems to pull my long hair away.. the same way I pull it in frustration...

but now I am not angry.. I am not happy... I am in a state of empty balance... I cannot fall... I cannot rise... for I am devoid of anything even though I have everything I want...

its one of those days where you feel incomplete and yet everything you want and need is with you...

maybe I should try entering room 206

well hang

knowing someone who just recently died made me realize how life isn't worth living...

cause our existence is too minuscule to even matter.. life flows on without us.. so I wonder... why live? when dying negates everything you did?

people die everyday and yet we continue on with our daily routines... but yeah.. when significant people die we find it difficult to function.. but after some time.. you are able to move on...

so corollary is... we should just hang ourselves as well... right?

I beg to disagree... because the uncertainty of death, I believe, is enough reason for one to go for the less crappy choice...

suicide is a huge gamble... if what religion says is true.. then snuffing it will put you into a more crappy situation.. but what if the here and now is all there is? then snuffing it is an ideal short term form of escapism..

but both gives us a sense of certainty.. it all boils down to what we want to believe.. and to what belief will we be better off..

that's why I say let's just try to be as happy as we can... because if we can't make our life matter.. then might as well go for the less crappy route

when not in the proper continuum

a classmate's girlfriend decided to snuff it and hung herself...

nobody knows why... there have been speculations...

and I can't seem to feel any empathy for them...

I dunno... I just can't feel sad over the loss of anyone... I noticed this when I lose things.. or lose people... I seem to let things go easily... like.. when I realize that something is gone.. I'd wonder what happened.. then after that... I move on...

I don't think its humane to not feel any remorse when something gets lost... but does that mean I am less than a human? I do not think so... because I'd like to argue that man is not perfect.. therefore something must be better than man... other people would agree with the idea that the only thing greater than man is god... but allow me to assert that there is still something a bit better than ordinary men but lesser than god... what is it exactly? the answer is quite subjective... let's just call it the ubermensch.. the superman..

it might be a classification of a person.. but I'd like to believe that it is a state man achieves...

there could've been supermen in history... but it all depends on how a superman is defined... we can say that Hitler is a superman.. but the ordinary men destroyed his image because of opposing ideologies... we can say that Da Vinci is a superman.. but his contemporaries did not understand him.. and if Jesus of Nazareth did exist.. we can consider him as a superman.. not because of his miracles.. not because of his wisdom.. not because of his self-righteous suicide.. but because the masses say so..

the definition of a superman is very vague and subjective... and I am merely wasting your time by typing pseudo-philosophical nonsense and forcing you to read this...

and if you got anything from this blog entry.. then I salute you.. because I didn't..

christmas gift

I just bought Singstar.. with the 2 microphones...

now I can do a three-piece band in Rock Band 2... so yeah.. I've been wanting to have a Rock Band set for 2 years now..

and my dream finally came into fruition... just in time for christmas.. a nice christmas present for myself.. because the christmas present for myself last year was a game console...

but yeah... I hate my sister

anyway... but I should have this rewarding feeling and stuff...

unforutnately.. as with ever achievement I unlock I seem to get this empty feeling... it like.. I should be ecstatic because I got a rock band set by working hard.. and yet.. the hunt for the set felt better than getting it...

because when I was still yearning for the set... I felt like I had a reason to live... but now that I got it... it feels like.. life isn't worth living anymore because I got what I wanted...

life feels empty now...

I've felt this way before actually.. like when I saw one of the best films.. Cidade De Deus... watching it made me feel like I've watched the best, ergo there is no point in watching other films... and after the last day of examinations during senior year...

but I was able to get back.. by having another goal..

and now... now that I have finished my goal... I am in search for another...

and no.. graduating from UST in one piece isn't.. because it's already a given.. I'm not that dumb...

and no.. graduating with honors isn't on my list.. because a goal has to be realistic.. yeah sure.. it's something nice to aim at.. but I know I can't be the best... and I believe if you can't be the best.. be the innovator.. be the revolutionary.. change the world... because to be the best means you go through a predetermined path.. and to be the innovator means to create another path... which I believe is the better choice..

and no... being the innovator/revolutionary/the man who will change the world isn't on my list.. because a goal has to be specific... those things could mean a lot of things... although Ponce and I are planning to become revolutionaries of the Philippine music industry with our music... and Seng Kaew and I are planning to uplift the impoverished with our 100 Peso Bill Program(I'll discuss it on another blog entry)... and Richmond and I.. well.. I'm just trying to learn from a person wiser than me...

soooooooo I guess.. yeah.. that settles it.. my next goal is to be financially independent I guess... or become a House DJ.. or to own a skateboard..

or to make people happy... oh wait.. it has to be specific.. yeah..

should I even speak

I just got Rock Band 2 drums... finally.. years after the game's release..

I've been wanting to get the set.. but unfortunately I started studying in UST.. and saving money feels more like concentration camp than it did back in high school...

...and now I am working my ass off to chase people selling Singstar with the 2 microphones... it is very very frustrating... it feels like work... but who cares..

at least I'm trying to fulfill a dream..

...of buying a set which every other person in the world already have..

I am such a waste of carbon...

all of which makes me anxious... at times unbearable so

at dawn when electric currents run through you while taking a shower... you start to see things

you see now

you see the world...

you see tomorrow

you see the universe...

you see yesterday

and most importantly

you see the person you want to be...

in the cold winter morning you wake up.. its 4:30.. it feels like 10 in the evening... but you have obligations...

you get up... and take a bath..

you get suited up.. and take your breakfast..

then you brush your teeth.

on the best dream you are in a void... nothing to see.. nothing to hear.. nothing to feel

you wander.. to see why is it your best dream...

now you're with the one you love the most..

you wonder.. why is it your best dream?

and then you see one who loves you the most...

you wake up...

at night when the lights are on and the wind pulls you into bed.. you skip dinner because the family isn't complete yet

you lay motionless.. staring at the ceiling

you can't sleep... thinking about tomorrow.. again

you cry yourself to sleep... cause its the most effective way to be happy..

...but religion tells you to pray at night.. you don't.. you sleep.. and you don't wake up...

I get by with a lot of help from my friends

I lost my coin purse.. while at school... which apparently contains the money I need to get home...

this is when you realize that truly... no man is an island...

cause luckily.. I saw Elmar Lactaoen.. he gave me some spare change.. which was 16 pesos.. with a very shiny five peso coin..

he must've realized with the eerily serious tone of my voice... this was an urgent situation... because I tend to humiliate him in front of his friends.. maybe it also occurred to him than when I don't act like an ass.. there must be a problem...

oh yes oh yes... I always act like an ass one way or another...

then I thought of Sud.. oh yes oh yes.. I think about men... I texted him immediately.. and informed him of the situation... I went to his location and surprisingly.. he got overly generous... he gave me a hundred peso bill.. when I only needed 32 pesos..

so that's 6 pesos for the jeep to recto..

15 pesos for the ticket from recto to santolan..

10 pesos for the jeepney ride to cypress..

and 17 pesos for the tricycle ride to my house...

I tend to feel uneasy when I get help from other people... I really dunno why.. maybe I got too used to being the lone wolf.. and when others help me.. I feel like I'm not doing my job properly..

but I am totally grateful.. I just don't like it when I am indebted to other people...

carpal tunnel

Harmonix/Rock Band just gave me a reason to hate Judas Priest...

yeah sure the music and the talent is amazing.. but when your wrists have to hurt like hell and then you won't get a reward in the end.. then..

I dunno...

I am pertaining to the song Painkiller by Judas Priest... a song which I'm pretty sure none of you has ever heard of..

the guitar solo on these things are so damn difficult especially when your wrists hurt after playing Metallica's Battery.. which I am, again, pretty sure that you haven't heard of...

well at least finishing Battery gave me a rewarding feeling.. but playing Painkiller.. and not even finishing it.. and losing millions of fans.. and leaving me frustrated..

yep.. you really do need painkillers when you play Judas Priest's Painkiller... your wrist will hurt like hell.. I tell you..

and the sad thing is.. the farthest I got on the song was like 49%

god damn it

nailed

I wanna go to Richmond's party... seriously.

I rarely go to birthday celebrations... I don't even like celebrating birthdays!

and if ever I decided to go the party, I'd be the youngest guy there. Everyone would be in their twenties or something... and wouldn't that feel awkward? oh wait.. age is just a number... and according to some people.. I don't act my age...

and oh yeah.. I promised Richmond a bottle of Hennessy.

and once again once more... I am running away from my duties. I suck.

It'll be in a few hours.. I can get to his place in an hour or so. But I was never good with politics, and I don't think I can convince the higher powers to green light my plans for tonight. Oh yes... parents.. they're the greatest buzzkills.. next to the government.

I'd like to be as honest as possible.. cause we have too many liars running the world.

But the rationale behind my decision kinda seems stupid.. cause the whole world is practically aware that those who deviate from the rules get what they want and succeeds. It's practically a tried and tested method of getting what you want.

and if there is something I find difficult doing... its lying. SERIOUSLY

I can hurt as much people as I want but at the end of the day my conscience (or whats left of it) will always eat me when I lie.

So it's either I come clean or I kill my parents and threaten Mang Johnny to drive me to Richmond's place.

if... logic?

I look like my sister... and my sister has a boyfriend...

then it presupposes that I have the potential to have a boyfriend/girlfriend...

and if a man has to do the courting... and the lady has to just wait...

then it means I have a lesser probability to get a boyfriend/girlfriend...

therefore... if I am willing to court someone.. I can get a boyfriend/girlfriend...

...or maybe it all depends on the circumstances?

a woman/man may be likened to a jeepney... it has its route.. it has its passenger capacity.. and it has it's competitors...

put a jeepney in the wrong place (ie Pasig-Quiapo jeep in Paranaque).. nobody will ride it...

put a jeepney in a heavily congested location (ie Santolan Station at 7-8PM on a friday evening)... the jeepney will not be able to accomodate every passenger who wants to ride it...

and put a jeepney with a dozen of the same route (ie Cogeo-Cubao jeepneys in Santolan Station in midday)... only those will efficient barkers or those who were there first will get the passengers..

either I am making sense or my metaphors are just plain wrong...

therefore I must continue blogging for another day

screwy

I've been playing dota for the past few nights... and I've been failing miserably.. against Normal AI on version 59

...and it doesn't seem to be helping my generally bad mood lately. seriously

and eating at Mang Tootz on your own isn't doing me good as well... I need a friend.. seriously.

on the 5th of December its my Nigerian friend's birthday... its one of those things that I am pressured to remember because he asked me and a bunch of his friends to buy him a bottle of Hennessy.. I'm screwed. seriously.

I still don't have a Christmas gift for anyone.. even for myself. Although I was never really a fan of giving or buying or thinking of gifts. I guess the Rock Band 2 guitar bundle I got might be considered as one... but god damn it I had to sell some of my prized belongings to have it. Nothing to be glad about. I'm screwed... seriously.

oh well.. at least the climate is getting better. The winds are getting colder and the afternoons are not as hot as it used to be. But that's a good combination if I want to be ridden by colds pretty much... still screwed.. seriously.

Even though I keep on saying "seriously", I don't think any of you will really take me seriously. Oh well... maybe I've preempted that scenario... and it doesn't really make a difference if people take me seriously or not. I don't seem to be person I used to be... so why bother?

Its not like the page views would even reach double digits for this blog entry.. since multiply, blogging, and multiply blogging is dead.

so why continue on typing? is it really that important to produce an entry?

I guess I'm just doing this for myself... yes, even here I will be a selfish bastard.

again I ask... so why bother?

not the music

a quick blog entry before we leave for my grandma's birthday...

I hate how the hello hydration shampoo from herbal essences smells like. It smells like... I dunno.. a lady? My hair also looks like Karen O's. Irritating? I guess.

anyway...

I've been playing the hell out of my newly bought Rock Band 2 guitar bundle. I've practically unlocked 90% of the songs. But I really don't feel like unlocking everything because the only songs I've yet to unlock are metal. I'm not really a big fan of metal.

then I realized, maybe the whole rhythm game experience is all about the songs and not much about the mechanics and whatever gimmick they have. It need not matter if the game is too easy... as long as I'm playing the songs that I really like.. then it wouldn't be a problem if its difficult or not.

I don't think I'm gonna unlock the songs from metallica, motorhead, judas priest, megadeth, or whatever metal band.

and just something random.. here are my top five Rock Band 2 songs:

1. The Main Drag - A Jagged Gorgeous Winter
2. Interpol - PDA
3. Fleetwood Mac - Go Your Own Way
4. Foo Fighters - Everlong
5. Kansas - Carry On Wayward Son

I just can't help but stand when the song comes up... and dance when I get the chance.

Now I really really wanna get The Beatles: Rock Band and like $60 worth of Playstation Network credit so I can download songs from Abbey Road, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, and Rubber Soul.

yeah!

...as you may have noticed, I'm trying this new thing. I'm doing more periods and less ellipses. But I don't think I'm doing a good job of using the proper punctuation marks, cause I am an illiterate boy. But yeah, I am doing my best.

You might be wondering why would I do such? Cause I've been following a blog recently. Stoya's blog on XCritic. Rarely I do read blogs... unless you try to force me. But yeah, you might be asking the question "what's with her blog anyway?" For one, she's a smart lady... and if you're not a big fan of websites that start with 'p' then you might not be aware of her profession. Rarely do you see smart women like her in the business. RARELY.

...and I never proofread any of my blog entries. soooo yeah... ELLIPSES FOREVER!! ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

completer

yep.. I have friends having the worst time of their lives... mich? nein...

I saw it again.. but it didn't saw me.. instead it looked elsewhere... not being pretty anymore.. but who cares.. well.. I guess I do.. but.. nobody else does..

and if I'm the only one.. then why would it be significant?

on a more literal note..

I just got the Rock Band 2 guitar bundle.. from a guy who I'm guessing is a lasallite.. but yeah.. for half the price of a brand new standalone game + wireless guitar.. that's a Jew purchase!

that's why.. I think.. in every Filipino.. there is a little Jew in them.. I mean.. we all try to get the best bargains don't we? unless you're really that rich.. and a few hundred pesos off your purchase wouldn't matter that much...

and yeah.. I hate rich kids.. or at least I'm annoyed by them.. because.. they.. act like a bunch of sterile porcelain dolls or whatever.. but I'm somewhat glad that they act that way.. because I can do things they can't... like eat at Mang Tootz..

although they can do things I can't... like equate the value of a gift by its price..

of course I'm too poor to buy expensive gifts.. and I'm not human enough to give anyone gifts.. or have a good gift idea.. or even remember when should I give someone gifts..

oh well.. I guess I'm still the selfish senile bastard..

hooray for survival!

consumed by consumerism

just like everyone else... I've fallen under the power of the corporations selling what seems to be as purchasable happiness...

but since I do not have the essentials for making a purchase (ie money, willpower)

ergo... I went window shopping... online... woe is to me.. haha

first on the list is a skateboarding shoe... no.. I ain't no faddist who would go for SB Dunks or Supras.. I wanted a pair of beige IPath Cats.. which costs around $70.. cheaper than Dunks! and waaaaaaay quirkier!

















            IPath Cats > SB Dunks

don't get me wrong.. I am not trying to look cool with oversized shoes and not skate at all...

although what I'd really wanna do is actually longboarding.. yeah.. longboards do not go well with oversized shoes for skateboards.. because the grip is practically nonexistent with the longboards and they're flexible boards..

and with the added weight.. it might all feel awkward and stuff...

I'd like to get a longboard from J&S Surf whatever somewhere in Chino Roces.. but it freakin costs $200! you do the math.. with the rounded off exchange rate..

























         the longer the better... YEAH!

so I might as well go for the relatively cheaper set up.. a skateboard..

it's practically the more economically sound purchase between the two..

because I can do more with a skateboard.. and I can get more injuries with a skateboard!












            yeah... because sometimes asians like it short

for $100.. again do the math.. I can learn the basics of boarding for a cheaper price...

but let's face facts.. I'm too poor to even purchase these things.. this is pretty much a theoretical.. cause I have more important things to spend money on.. such as the culinary delights in UST.. YEAH!!! MANG TOOTZ!

come to think of it.. I think buying the boards wouldn't be as bad as falling into consumerism.. because I'm not getting satisfaction out of the purchase per se.. but I am going to get satisfied by riding it..

I think that's whats wrong with consumerism.. we only buy things because the purchase of the thing gratifies us more than actually using it... and the more we practice that.. the more we feed the corporations and the more we fund their nefarious ways of giving use more products (ie sweatshops and extremely underpayed laborers).. that's why I'd rather support businesses such as  Limitado and Mang Tootz.. because you know the money goes to the right people and not to an inhumane system which is recognized by law as one legal person..

*heavily influenced by the documentary 'The Corporation' by Mike Achbar, Jennifer Abbott, Joel Bakan*

rockerfeller

I tend to ask myself...

why do I feel poor?

it keeps me depressed when I'm left alone with my thoughts...

sure... you have the obvious reasons...

parents not managing their money properly..

the country being a low-middle income economy..

and the masses placed the wrong person in office..


basically, I feel poor cause I'm a Filipino...

no.. wait.. scratch that...

I feel poor because I'm a victim of crass commercialism... just like every other Filipino.. and every other citizen of a capitalist nation...

I'd like to believe that there is still hope... but no.. the high society got every consumer (read: citizens of the free world) in the ball sack..

because everything has to be about money and not about values anymore...

everything has to be about consumerism and taking advantage of it...

everything has to be about making a buck out of every opportunity...

everything has to be about our worldly possessions and how we cannot live without it...

unlike a everyone else... I don't have people to hug and spend time with... I am a solitary creature working in the darkness of a windowless room..

...trying to find a way to be happy without spending a dime...

cellar door

the sparks of the window dust seems colorful to the eyes...

and the trails of yellow and blue forming articles of clothing...

I can see it from afar... gracefully dancing on smooth skin and jet black hair...

it is so beautiful... very beautiful..

yes I am a man of the shadows... silently watching everyone else's steps... discreetly listening to every word uttered... waiting... silently...

but it is so beautiful.. very beautiful...

and it only takes an entity devoid of light to attract the moth to the flame of the candle...

I.. being the melted wax on the floor.. I have no other choice but to watch... the dance of the child and the friendly green stranger...

and day after day.. I capture high ISO images.. only glimpses of it... but it still satisfies me...

I open doors to see if the duck is still in my scope.. but the trees seem to notice every movement of my eye... although we both don't tell... I know he knows I know...

yes... that is a true friend... like the moon at dawn..

but I am afflicted.. with the pain of anticipation... of reward I do not work for... of the moment too remote to happen... and of the conversation I will mess up...

but it is so beautiful... very beautiful...

she is so beautiful

prof rundown 2

as expected.. may mga prof na di pumasok sa first few days of sican sem...

unlike the pers sem.. wala kaming rest days... dahil ngayon eh evenly spread out ang mga seemingly difficult subjects... MWF has Logic, PGC, and Math.. TTh has History of Western Civ and History of Philippine Economics... ngunit hinde ako matitinag! aking sasalubungin ang daluyog patungo sa bagong liwanag!

pers subject ang logic namin every MWF.. at ang dakilang si Rey Reyes ang aming prof! yehey! gaguhan time na! ngunit ako naman ay sigurado na kaya ko ang Logic.. subalit hinde ako logical na nilalang.. keri ko naman ang syllogism and shit sa lohika!

expected grade: not lower than 2.5.. I hope.. and I pray..

sumunod naman ay english.. reading chorva.. ni ma'am Ana De Guzman.. na baguhang prof.. na 17 years na nagturo sa De La Salle.. Taft.. at ilang years rin sa College of Saint Benilde.. nakakatuwa lang pag sinasabi niya ang De La Salle.. talagang andun ang pagka-la sallista.. at bilib naman ako sa yabang ng mga la sallista.. nasa lugar naman eh.. highest grade na binigay niya eh uno flat... at sana isa ako sa makakauha nun.. at tutal puro reading naman ang english namin.. how hard could it possibly get?

expected grade: 1.5 highest.. 2.25 lowest

di dumating ang PGC prof namin.. pero sana si Yanga.. para di ko na kelangan i-memorize ang preamble.. dahil holy shit.. sa pag-memorize pa naman din ako mahina!

expected grade: aba'y ewan.. wala pa yung prof eh

at buti na lang last subject namin ang college algebra.. with ma'am gotauco.. muka naman siyang mabait.. at namamanipula naman ng mga sican yir students.. sooooo.. kaya yan.. very remote siguro yung possiblity of me failing her subject... dahil ngayon.. ipinapangako ko sa sarili ko na ako'y magsisikap sa matematika ngayong kolehiyo na ko sapagkat may econometrics kami at mathematics of finance next year or whatever... YEAH!

expected grade: lowest 2.75

every tuesdays and thursdays ay medyo mala-crescendo ang mga subjects namin...

dahil magsisimula kami sa napaka-softcore na Theology 2.. na sacraments ng church.. which is 3rd year theology with sir Ines.. ay teka.. SIR INES?! HOLY SHIT!! MAY NAALALA PA BA KO SA TINURO NIYA?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

expected grade: 2.75 to 1.75

at matapos nun eh Philippine Lit.. at hanep prof namin dun.. nakalimutan ko lang pangalan... pero sobrang Dedace part 2 siya! una eh.. kalbo siya.. panglawa eh parang paos ang boses niya.. at pangatlo eh.. yung pananalita niya ay parang si Dedace talaga.. medyo disappointed lang ako sa mga selections namin this sem dahil hinde kasama ang queer literature.. pero oh well.. andyan pa naman ang mga websites na nagsisimula sa letter 'p'.. tulad ng philippineliteratures.com... pero at least nasama si Jessica Zafra sa mga selections na babasahin namin.. under humor and chorva.. at sa klase namin ay walang kumibo nung tinanong kung may nakakakilala ba kay Jessica Zafra.. ngunit expected naman daw dahil mga econ majors kami.. or at least sila.. I am a Philo major at heart!

expected grade: it doesn't really matter.. c'mon we're going to discuss Jessica Zafra and Ricky Lee!

at si Manapat nanaman sa Eco 102.. ang aming major subject.. na History of Philippine Economic Development.. which I have a background on.. luckily.. thanks ko Tullao's book.. at napansin ko eh mas aktibo na si Manapat sa klase habang lectures.. di katulad nung Management.. na sobrang.. parang.. stereotypical college classes protrayed in films ang dating.. dahil sobrang slow ng pace.. kahit may PhD siya in BM.. he doesn't seem to make his lectures interesting.. pero yeah.. hanep na lectures niya ngayon...

expected grade: has to be 1.something

and to top it all of... last subject namin... History of Western Civilization... YEHES DUMAWAL!!

unang moments pa lang ng klase sermon na agad! at yun ang mga panahon na sobrang naiingit ako sa mga foreigners dahil di nila naiintindihan ang pinagsasabi ng prof.. at least sila di natatakot.. pero kaming lahat.. nasindak eh.. pero I had to keep my composure.. because otherwise I can't pull out my secret weypon.. because I AM LEYGEND!!

anyway... simula pa lang nung grade school eh ganun na talaga ang style ko... I do well when everyone else is crippled by fear... pag takot mga kaklase ko sa teacher.. papakyawin ko ang mga tanong ng teacher dahil lahat sila'y di makakapag-isip ng tama.. and I just get pleasure from seeing others in an uncomfortable state... sadista ako... pero on the other hand.. petiks ako pag ang lahat ay gumagawa ng mabuti.. para bang.. pag ang lahat ng mga kaklase ko'y nagsisitaasan ng kamay para sa recitation... ako naman ay keber na lang.. because its either I'll make a difference or I don't do anything at all..

kaya it totally works to my advantage na takot mga kaklase ko mag-recite sa klase ni Dumawal.. na sobrang Elemento part 2.. siya yung striktong prof na ang gusto talagang mangyari ay matuto ang kanyang mga studyante sa pinaka-disiplinadong paraan...

anyway..

kaya nung history namin eh sagot lang ako ng sagot sa mga tanong niya.. at napuri pa niya ko.. dahil di ako nagpasindak.. kasi nakita ko naman ang tunay niyang hangarin eh.. ang matuto ang mga studyante.. pero wala.. nadala sa sindak ang mga kaklase ko.. kumbaga.. nung panahon na yun eh may combat high ako.. sobrang focused ako sa klase... kasi sino ba naman ang di gaganahan sa prof na gusto talagang matuto ang mga studyante at di lang mang-gago at mambagsak diba?

and yeah... playing tons of Sid Meier's Civilization IV helped sooooooo much during class.. because most of my answers were pretty much things I've seen or read from Civilization IV.. see? games do help in your studies!

expected grade: if things go as planned.. this might be my first flat uno

but yeah.. spending time with people older than mean (read: Richmond and Sang Kaew) made me realize that grades don't matter that much.. as long as you're doing your job in class and you're not failing.. then college is more about the experience with the people around you than the academic shit..

last hurrah

2 weeks sembreak.. 1 week ondoy break..

and countless fridays and holidays...

= one extra month of idleness

I'd say my sembreak was spent well... most of it was spent on getting every trophy on Bioshock, finishing Metal Gear Solid 4 and Grand Theft Auto 4... and building my own version of New York in Simcity 4.. it was the sembreak of gaming.. and yearning for more games.. like Beatles: Rock Band and Tekken 6..

but yeah... I was having so much fun with my sembreak.. thanks to the most dandiest of weathers... and to the excessively large LCD screen my sister from Singapore sent.. I am finally enjoying games in 1080p high definition.. YEAH!!

but it wasn't all games... I got seasons 18 and 20 of The Simpsons and the first two seasons of Robot Chicken from the pirate bay... I was able to finish watching season 20.. but the 18th season and the two seasons of Robot Chicken I wasn't able to do so because I just got it this weekend.. and yeah... I had to play Simcity 4.. which might help me for Urban Economics when I get to 3rd or 4th year...

but yeah... The Simpsons got better episodes when it started broadcasting in widescreen.. but I still appreciate the touchy feely episodes from season 18... BUT ROBOT CHICKEN IS THE BEST!!!

ROBOT CHICKEN IS THE BEST!!
ROBOT CHICKEN IS THE BEST!!
ROBOT CHICKEN IS THE BEST!!

an episode lasts for around 11 minutes.. but that 11 minutes will either astound you or will leave you puzzled..

because the show is like a bunch of stop animation (read: Chicken Run) comedy sketches that references pop culture stuff... ie a Kill Bill wherein Jesus plays the role of the protagonist.. and yeah.. with a bunch of jew jokes and stuff...

but yeah.. if you are familiar with the pop culture thing they're parodying.. it will be one of the best 11 minutes of your life.. but sometimes there are pop culture stuff which I cannot relate to.. and I tend to not get the humor.. so it's a hit or miss..

and on feature length films... I was finally able to watch Bruno!!

Bruno is one of the best gay films ever.. I'd say its better than those homoerotic films Gus Van Sant directs or the Maximo Oliveros film.. but yeah.. Bruno is something you shouldn't watch with anyone who is not open to satirical homosexual and racial humor.. I think men will be disgusted with this kind of film because they think they're too manly to appreciate homosexual satire.. or maybe they're avoiding homosexual thoughts altogether for some reason... but women will just be offended with the amount of inappropriate sexual acts done on this film..

as with LGBT themed films.. all you need is an open mind to enjoy it... and if you're pretty much sure with your sexual orientation then there's nothing wrong with being open to these experiences...

and also if you're not restrained by social norms on sexuality...

going back to the sembreak stuff...

some of my classmates weren't too happy with their 2 weeks.. primarily because they did not receive baon and stuff.. and maybe because they're jealous with our president being in a relationship with a classmate of ours... now some of them wants to get into the whole "getting hooked up with someone" bandwagon.. oh well.. who can blame kids who had no romantic encounters during high school.. I pity them...

but my Nigerian friend wants a filipina girlfriend because he's pretty much bored..

and I ain't touching that subject until I feel the need to jump in.. cause I'm still having fun with the culinary delights around UST.. and a girlfriend would just ruin that.. given that a relationship in the Philippines revolves around frequent text messaging.. and as an economist.. I'd rather put my resources to the wonderful food around UST than cellphone load..

because nowadays I believe that talking to someone shouldn't cost a dime! even though its good for the economy

stuporman

hinde ko na-experience nung hayskul ang isang victory party sa taytay...

pero dahil nasa hayskul pa rin naman ang kapatid ko.. maaari pa kong maki-victory party!

LET'S GET PARTY!!

pumunta akong beda nung alas dose na mismo.. tapos yun pala may misa pa! WHAT THE FUCK! napilitan lang akong tumambay ng walang kasama! parang sobrang desperado ako magkasama kanina...

the program was meh... or at least the crowd was.. dahil.. putangina... walang naki-join sa indian yell! parang.. muka akong gago sa likod sumasayaw ng indian yell.. tapos yung crowd ng mga beda nakatingin lang.. PARANG DI BEDA AMPUTA! lalo na nung patapos na yung performance.. walang sumisigaw ng "GO SAN BEDA FIGHT!" sa crowd.. oh well.. maka-one big fight at animo sila eh...

pero buti naman nung tapos na yung misa eh may mga nakasama ako.. and gradually naging dry drunk na ko.. parang lahat na lang ng mga undergrad na kakilala ko in one way or the other dinadaldal ko.. tulad ni Kostka Boy, Patrick ang batang mabaho, Rolly Polly Ollie, Batista, Dacs, Jonas, Nils, Jemar, Malbarosa... di ko lang naalala yung pangalan ng mga ibang linalapitan ko.. pero basta na lang ako nakikipag-usap.. parang nag-ecstasy ako eh...

at lahat ng mga nakasama ko.. lagi na lang buhok ko ang napapansin nila.. madalas kong marinig ang "uy! ang haba na ng buhok ah!" or "akala ko si Arnold Medina"

sobrang youthful na ng itsura ng mga high school kids ng beda ngayon... and pansin mo na romance is in the air dahil walang moment na di ka makakita ng couple..

bahala sila mag-landian... more free food for me!

the food was meh... walang lasa yung lechon.. linalangaw yung mga donuts nung wala pa yung mga studyante.. sa barbecue lang ako halos nag-enjoy.. at di siya ganun ka-sarap.. pero for something that's for free.. its great... ang binalikan ko lang ay pineapple juice...

na sumakit ang tiyan ko matapos...

pero I found out na may lugar pala sa may athlete's quarters.. na may better drinks... andun lahat ng mga tatay, male teachers, at alumni... at dun ko na-appreciate ang lasa ng pale pilsen... nakakatuwa talaga mga banat ng mga alumni at nila Sigua.. no mats ang humor ng mga kaklase ko sa uste..

at naisip ko... was there ever a thomasian that made me laugh?

anyway...

inimbita ko si Nils Meza sa likod dahil isang bote lang daw si Dexter Ancheta... at puro mga matatandang tao ang nandun and I'd rather be there.. kaya kelangan ko ng kasama.. pero nakakatuwa naman kausap ang mga teachers.. tulad nila Chulvo na inaasar yung mga undergrads na lasing na...

both of us were able to down two.. dahil naubos na... pero it didn't matter because had a very intellectual discourse... parang lahat na lang ata ng mga foreigners na nakakausap ko eh nakakausap ko ng malalim... except yung mga koreano at si Gum Jali Lazing from Burma...

and the bands were somewhat poseur-ish... oops.. baka ma-flame nanaman ulet ako dahil tinawag kong poseur ang mga kids who performed kanina.. rak own! di na kayo poseur!

anyway... Jonas' band was... meh.. nothing spectacular... compared to most of the bands.. sila yung di nag-kalat... then comes the all female group who was trying to be all paramore-ish .. listening from outside the gym.. kalat tunog nila.. the bass was all on the wrong places and stuff.. and yeah.. tinatamad na kong i-describe yung iba dahil I'm distracted...

anyway...

I'm distracted cause I was looking at Amazon prices for Rock Band special edition bundles.. and its pisses me off to see that it costs around 5000 pesos there.. whereas it costs 12000 pesos here.. INJUSTICE I TELL YOU!

although food is cheaper here.. but c'mon... I PLAY GAMES...

that's why when I get a job.. I don't think I'll marry..

cause marriage = added expenses

and me = selfish

exhaust man

umulan nanaman...

napaka-depressing...

at kinailangan kong lumabas...

...simula ngayon ay sira na ang aking linggo...

paalam sunny days...

paalam mainit na sinag ng araw na may malamig na simoy ng hangin...

paalam kumpletong tulog...

paalam playstation...

paalam couch...

paalam computer...

paalam chicken pork adobo...

paalam pambahay...

paalam sa mga araw na di ko kelangan magcommute ng halos dalawang oras....

paalam sa mga araw na di ako nagtratrabaho...

paalam sa mga araw na di ako nanghihina...

paalam sa mga araw na di ako nangangamba...

paalam... kaginhawaan

1 hours ago

sadyang napaka-ginhawa ng buhay ngayong sembreak...

buong araw lang ako naglalaro ng playstation o ng simcity 4... napaka-rewarding talaga ang feeling ng city building habang nakikita mo na napaka-sunny ng view sa labas at lumalamig ang simoy ng hangin... oh yeah.. pasko na!

at pag inabutan ng gutom ay bababa lang ako sa kitchen at maghahanda ng napakasarap na putahe.. basta't kumuha na lang ako ng lata ng century tuna o ligo sardines at solb na ko sa lunch..

tapos kakalahatiin ko ang leche flan ni ate lina na very satisfying.. hay buhay.. napaka-ginhawa mo talaga...

matapos mag-lunch ay babalik ako sa tapat ng telebisyon o ng monitor para makapag-laro ulet ng playstation at simcity 4..

ako'y maglalaro at maglalaro at maglalaro hanggang sumapit ang dilim.. at mas malamig ang hangin na pumapasok sa bintana... ansarap sana magkaroon ng fireplace.. pero given na may tendency ako maging arsonista ay wag na lang pala...

at maririnig ko na lang ang makina ng kotse ng aking nanay at tatay na dumarating.. at sisigawan na kami ni ate lina ng "KAIN NAAAAAAAAAA".. ako'y bebeso sa aking mga magulang at mag-didinner kami habang nanonood ng mga balita ng mga namamatay na tao sa TV patrol..

matapos ng dinner ay uubusin ko ang natirang kalahati ng leche flan ni ate lina..

babalik ako sa aking pinanggalingan para i-check ang aking facebook, multiply, at YM.. at bibisita sa kotaku, CAG, destructoid, pinoyPS, piratebay, playasia, pinoyexchange at kung anu-ano pang websites na nagsisimula sa letter "p"...

hangga't abutin ako ng antok.. at ako'y pwepwesto sa aking mattress sa sahig.. at i-o-on ko ang mp3 player ko at i-se-set ang timer..

at ako'y matutulog ng mahimbing habang nakikinig sa napakagandang tugtugin ng chairlift, coldplay, beatles at radiohead...

babalik sa mundo ng panaginip kung saan aking isinasabuhay ang mga linalaro buong araw...

2013

disclaimer: during the writing of this blog entry, I'm in the province with crappy internet, and people who love watching pinoy big brother... I apologize for writing a blog entry while watching Pinoy Big Brother... it is a mortal sin, I know... because it pretty much messes with my already messed up mental processes...

I was able to watch the Nostradamus 2012 documentary yesterday.. and for those who're unaware.. the documentary was basically a bunch of nostradamus experts kissing his ass and proclaiming that the drawings from the lost book or something precisely describes when the world will end...

and yeah... it sucked balls...

c'mon.. a wheel with eight spokes can mean a lot of things! but apparently.. they'd rather interpret that as December 21, 2012 where the celestial crosses of whatever will meet.. and the day the world will end.. in some respects I'd accept that.. cause supposedly the Aztec calendar supports that claim.. well I haven't studied the Aztec calendar.. sooooooo yeah... whatever.. I'm watching the Finnish chick entering the pinoy big brother house.. sooooo my brain is working at 10%..

okay.. I'll press mute on the TV..

anyway.. whatever nostradamus said or whatever the drawings on nostradamus' book could mean a lot of things.. it's all about suggestibility.. its like a bunch of Tupac fanatics discovering the line "yes, I'm alive we be missin you" from a back masked version of his songs... YES! MAKAVELLI LIVES!

but yeah.. nostradamus experts sound more preposterous than the prophecies themselves.. they're practically saying that nostradamus' reputation is great and that his word tells us of our impending doom... AND SHIT

yeah.. sure.. nostradamus is a much more credible source than modern scientific studies..

also.. the show speaks of the 3rd antichrist.. the successor to the likes of Napoleon Bonaparte and Adolf Hitler.. wait.. was it bonaparte? really? I dunno.. I blame Pinoy Big Brother..

the show suggests that Osama Bin Laden is the 3rd antichrist.. cause they keep on showing vignettes of his face and the war in the middle east.. that's just bullshit.. and we all know by now why there is a war in the middle east...

yes... because America wants to rule the world! and because that part of the globe is rich in oil and the only way they can get the oil is by waging a war there.. cause they can't just go to Nigeria and take the oil there...

but I don't have to worry about the antichrist anyway.. cause I'm a Bhuddist..

anyway.. another bullshit interpretation was the arch under the wheel was reminiscent of the arc of the covenant.. that God won't destroy the world with water anymore.. but this time he'll use fire.. WHAT THE FUCK! that's just.. stupid.. c'mon.. seriously? a statement like that was given screen time on a documentary?!

also.. they spoke of the 13th zodiac sign.. the serpent bearer.. the one between Sagittarius and Scorpio.. and how it was supposedly on the center of the milky way.. or the dark void.. or whatever.. and how it was removed because it was the 13th zodiac sign.. but then I thought.. why the fuck would they remove the sign between Sagittarius and Scorpio?! when they can remove the last one.. which is Capricorn.. I think..

yeah.. the documentary was full of crap.. but the idea that we only have 3 years left to live tells us to seize the moment.. we'll die in a few years time.. might as well make the most of it and not just sleep all day..

because we can get all the sleep when we die...

a sunny days

here I am forcing myself to blog again...

I just got my grades.. and yeah... I am satisfied with my grades.. no.. scratch that... I am surprised with my grades.. with some grades at least...

copy paste commence!

INTRODUCTION TO COLLEGE ENGLISH	2.0
INTRODUCTION TO PHILOSOPHY	2.25
WORLD LITERATURES	2.75
CONTEMPORARY WORLD GEOGRAPHY	1.75
INTRODUCTION TO ECONOMICS I	2.25
INTRO TO SOCIOLOGY: SOCIETY & CULTURE	2.25
BUSINESS MANAGEMENT	2.25
CONTEXTUALIZED SALVATION HISTORY	2.75
KORFBALL	1.0

*dances to here comes the sun*

I was expecting most of my grades to be that way more or less... although my business management grade was somewhat disappointing given that it's my major subject for the semester (and not eco101).. I was expecting a 1.75 at least.. but then I remembered my group's case study sucked so much balls..

any form of PE is an instant 1.. I guess.. well.. given the fact that I was with phenomenal team mates.. we were like the post-End 28 at 82 San Beda team during the korfball games.. crushing the competition with a few losses here and there... and I'd like to believe my exceptional passing helped the team...

english was fun.. especially with Satoquia as the professor.. he's like the english teaching version of Sonajo.. both made me laugh so much during class.. both had love interests in the classroom.. and yeah.. they're both gay.. sooooooooooo a grade of 2.. yeah.. sure.. its okay.. his classes were a lot of fun anyway.. so why bother with the grades

sociology was a surprise given that our professor would rather teach at bilibid than our class.. and I had no idea how she'd get our grades.. but yeah.. I'm fine with a 2.25.. grades don't really matter after 5 years of work experience..

theology and world lit were letdowns.. both were my favorite subjects in high school.. no shit.. but yeah.. my theology professor wasn't as fun as Yusores and my world lit professor didn't like me as much as my past literature teachers did.. soooooo yeah.. screw those subjects.. its not like I'll be using the genealogy of Christ or Mario Vargas Llosa's essays when I start working in call centers...

I was very surprised with my philosophy and economics grades.. both of my grades for those subjects were borderline FEU-wards during the prelims..  and I failed my prelim exams for both subjects.. but wow.. although I got above average scores in my philosophy quizzes.. soooooooo I kinda expected 2-something grade.. but my god.. my econ grade is... just.. wow... I was expecting a 3.. thanks to my hairline passed quizzes and my one digit over 50 prelim exam...

and geography? meh.. I was expecting a 1-something grade.. when I was a wee young boy.. I loved reading about flags and capital cities.. sooooooooo yeah...

but anyway..

I'm fine with any grade.. as long as its not a 3 or 5.. what really matters, as with everything, is I'm happy with what I am doing and I don't receive death threats every now and then...

its been days....

for some reason I stopped blogging...

I never felt that twitter was something for me... I'd rather update people here... although nobody uses multiply anymore.. unless they want to view pictures of themselves.. oh wait.. facebook does that as well... sooooooooo yeah.. facebook devoured friendster and mutiply...

blogging here has its perks.. facebook was never the best place to blog.. and my short blogging stint in friendster was a bust.. and blogging for blogger seemed to lose its charm after second year high school...

and I really don't understand why I write things in my blog anymore...

its like.. I am compelled to type something with no apparent reason to do so...

after reading my past blog entries.. I realized.. my writing isn't that good... so why the hell am I still writing?

am I writing for myself?

am I writing for the readers? (and by readers.. I mean the 3 people that regularly read my blog)

what is my raison d'ecrit? (was that even proper french grammar?)

I was supposed to write (relatively) interesting blog entries... but I was too lazy to do so... and yes.. here comes the laziness...

I've always been plagued by it... screw me... I'm sleeping

protection agency

I don't want to listen to The Beatles anymore...

because listening to them reminds of The Beatles: Rock Band...

and thinking of The Beatles: Rock Band reminds me of how deprived I am...

and thinking of how deprived I am reminds me of how poor our country is...

and thinking of how poor our country is reminds me of how 5% of the Philippine population controls most of the wealth...

I can't believe that we are forced to accept this reality...

I can't believe how stupid the Filipino masses are...

and I can't believe that I am a part of the masses...

from birth I was taught to conform to the norms of society... my superiors fresh from the People Power armed with superstitious beliefs teach me how to sit down and shut up...

here I am... still sitting down and shutting up... only to realize that the training I've been having since I was a child was for employees and people under the man...

in as much as I don't want to accept this crippling mindset... I can't seem to kick it out from my system... I blame my protectors from keeping me from the real world.. and here I am getting hurt when everyone else have learned their lessons...

I don't see the point of parents protecting their children from A LOT of things... I don't see the point of protecting others anymore... you are building a wall to protect the person... thus, hindering growth and development...

...and where did I end up with all the protection? here... sitting in front of the computer..

shackled to my chair...

we all live in nigerian submarines

my four years in college just got bearable...

andyan ang condo ni richmond para tambayan ko after classes... I love it there...

andyan ang roof deck ng condo ni richmonde para tambayan ko after classes... I really really really really really love it there...

at andyan ang nigerian community ng uste para maging gateway ko to a comfortable life...

true.. di ko gusto ang lineup ng mga kablock ko.. na apparently makakasama ko for four years.. unless ma-debar ang ilan.. o ma-debar ako..

pero yeah.. Richmond is there.. Seng Kaew is there.. Gum Jali is there.. I wouldn't ask for more... I was never really a fan of the koreans in the philippines... masyado na silang marami and my marginal utility with them is way below zero...

kaya ang next target ko ay.. pagkatapos ng kolehiyo... I SHALL LIVE IN NIGERIA!!

all I need is the approval of my dad.. and a thousand dollars.. haha.. which is relatively easy to get in the span of 3 years..

marami akong realizations tungkol sa buhay nung nakila richmond ako.. realizations that wouldn't occur to me if I never sat on the roof deck and stared at the city scape...

from there up high.. I stared at manila bay.. at makati.. at ortigas.. and at human beings.. who are extremely small.. compared to the buildings they have created.. compared to the roads they paved.. compared to the ships and planes and trains they built...

it is so amazing how creatures so small can create such a world...

and looking at them from ground level... people don't seem as small as they seem to be from up high...

bore log

alas nuebe

kelangan ko pa maligo

wala pala akong deodorant... gamitin ko na lang yung de-spray.. I was never a fan of those.. pero I have no choice...

kelangan ko pa gawin ang activity sa sociology na matagal nang binigay ngunit di ko naisipang gawin.. ever.. hanggang ngayon... last minute talaga ako...

marahil sadyang nahumalig lang ako sa mga artikulong binasa ko kaninang umaga... at nakaligtaan ko na may kelangan pa kong gampanan na responsibilidad bilang mag-aaral...

The Beatles, or at least the director of Yellow Submarine, said that a minute is a long time... that's true.. when you look at it by the second.. but life isn't measured by the second... there is no scientific method to measure it.. this idea is too cliche.. and I really shouldn't be thinking about this

its stupid

thinking about life and its length makes it shorter.. you're practically wasting seconds of your life pondering on those things...

I have to move on

faster than how time does

but then I realized... can you really compete with a fixed construct?

a strange days

nakakabobo ang walang pasok... seriously... pumanget ang performance ko ngayong taon compared last year... ay teka.. pano ko nga ba mamemeasure yun?

anyway... nung mga huling linggo ng summer vacation na tag-ulan.. atat na atat na kong pumasok dahil sobrang nakaka-depress ang di nagbabagong environment.. pero 'oly shet.. dumating si A(H1N1)... natulak ang klase for a week... matapos nun eh wala akong maalala na significant na nangyari para maudlot ang klase ng ganun katagal.. pero andyan ang mga long weekends dahil sa mga ka-chorvahan ngadministrasyon ng uste para di kami magka-klase.. mga apat o tatlo ata yung mga fridays na wala kaming pasok... kaya that's 8-9 school days out of the calendar..

pero wag nyo kalimutang namatay si tita Cory.. at nauso ang mga fans ni tita Cory sa facebook at sinamantala naman ng ibang negosyo ang pagkamatay niya at nagbenta ng Cory themed apparel na binili naman ng sambayanan.. isang araw yun na nakaltas sa kalendaryo... but wait there's more! namatay pa si Ka-whoever ng Iglesia... that's another day off the school calendar... and we have a total of: 10-11 school days out of the window...

at eto nanaman po.. isang bigating class suspension na kasing haba ng sembreak ng mga hayskul students... humagupit si Ondoy! at apat na araw kaming walang kuryente! I wouldn't say na its an unfortunate situation.. dahil kahit papaano eh naputol ang monotony ng "gising-computer-kain-computer-tulog" cycle ko.. kaya it was nice I guess.. naglaro lang ako ng candle.. tapos binabalik balik ko yung natuyong tumulo na wax sa apoy.. at nagkaroon ako ng philosophical realization habang pinaglalaruan ang candle wax na di ko ididisclose sa blog entry na 'to dahil magiging masyadong mahaba... pero anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

15-16 days ang nawala sa school days ko.. and it is math time!!!

para sa basic education.. kelangan ng 200 school days per year.. that's 20 school days for one month.. and 5 school days for one week... so kung kakaltasin ang 15-16 days... kelangan magkaroon ng saturday classes para mag-compensate sa nawalang araw.. or kung autonomous naman ang isang pribadong iskwelahan.. pababayaan na nila siguro yun... kaya hooray for PAASCU

at para sa kolehiyo.. sa tatlong units.. kelangan ng 52 hours per sem.. thats 3 hours a week.. 12 hours a month.. and 60 hours per sem.. at dahil oras oras ang pinaguusapan natin... di ko na itutuloy 'to dahil pakshet sumasakit lang ulo ko sa numero... tama na...

on to the doy

no, I won't do volunteer work because number 1: I am technically a part of the depressed community that needs help... and number 2: I don't act charitable because everyone else is doing it...

yes... I am a non-conformist... especially to things that require much of my time... seriously...

people might flame me like the dubai lady in facebook... but no... I am not saying that we (and when I say 'we'.. what I meant was the Rizal area) deserved what happened... I am not saying that there are many sinners here and shit... what I am practically claiming is... hinde ako makatao...

end of argument...

or if you'd like.. you can post a comment and say how much of an ass I am... and expect other people to agree with you.. and expect me to not reply... but I would like to assure you that your efforts will be given due recognition.. albeit.. not online...

taray epek aside...

I do not feel like helping them by packing relief goods and helping with the process... I do not want to help others with something that I am not good with... relatively hard labor... yeah sure.. you can say that even the smallest of effort counts... okay then... let's just say every night I fervently pray for them.. any more qualms?

but seriously.. no.. I am not praying for them... I'm pretty sure God gave them what they need to survive... and no.. I am not pertaining to their material belongings because those things weren't given by God in the first place... following the theory of intelligent design.. God designed us so that we can stay alive... heck.. if the homo erectus did it without their permanent settlements.. what more with homo sapien sapiens? ooops.. wait.. those are two opposing ideas.. scratch that...

yeah sure... the typhoon will mark the beginning of the end of the world.. and I'm thrilled to have this humbling experience... that we have this finite existence on this planet... and that we will eventually go to a higher state of being... or whatever you believe in, young padawan...

but yeah... I won't help repacking the relief goods because number 1: I'm too lazy.. and number 2: its not my expertise.. and when I can't perform at my best.. I become lazy... so yeah.. I'm not being lazy because I'm a worthless piece of shit... I'm lazy because if I can't do my best... screw it.. I'm not doing anything at all... either I put my best foot forward and blow everyone away or I become a part of the crowd and barely do a dent of change...

...even Jesus wasn't a part of the crowds... he was the reason why there were crowds...