I knew the years would move quickly...

...but never quite as fast as this.

pero ewan, gagawa ba ko ng New Year's Resolution? di naman ako gumagawa ng ganun ever, at tamad naman akong nilalang kaya di rin matutuloy yun eh.

oo nga 'no, gawin ko kayang New Year's Resolution na di na ko magiging tamad!

meh.. sabi sa TV ang dapat gawing New Year's Resolution eh yung bagay na di mo na makayanan. eh di naman problema saken ang pagiging tamad eh. oo nga may mga bagay akong di nagagawa o natatapos, oo puro mediocre lang grades ko... pero at least di pa ko nagsa-suffer ng malubha dahil sa katamaran.

so what? maghihintay akong may masamang mangyari saken?

c'mon! as if naman may nangyayaring masama pag tamad ka. walang mangyayaring masama sa taong tamad! bagkus, ang mga masasamang bagay ay nangyayari sa mga taong may ginagawa. tulad ng isang lawyer na di tamad, ipinagtanggol ang isang kliyente niya, at ang kalaban niya ay isang malaking organized crime ring... nung naipanalo niya ang kaso, pinatumba siya ng bossing ng organized crime ring. oo, nagsipag siya at gumawa ng mabuti... pero may nangyaring masama sa kanya!

oo, yung fictitious na scenario ang gagamitin ko para i-justify ang katamaran ko. but point is, I get by... I passed UST, isang institusyon na pinaghirapang pasukan ng mga taga-FEU o UE, nang tamad. I haven't failed any subject in college, although may mga pagkakataon na muntik na ko, nang tamad. oo, walang nararating ang tamad, alam ko yun. at mas pinili ko pa rin maging tamad kahit alam ko na ang ramifications ng gagawin ko, or lack thereof. pero yun ang mas madaling daan na pwede tahakin. ang walang gawin.

kaya di pa ko nagiging honor student, kaya isa akong malaking disappointment sa mga former mentors ko, kaya di pa ko nagkakagirlfriend, kaya di pa ko nagkaka-lisensya, kaya na-deactivate yung sim ko... maraming bagay ang kulang saken dahil sa katamaran ko. pero hey, its not a problem. billion others can live without those things, why can't I be one of them?

cause they are miserable folks who go nowhere... but you have the potential to do great.

true, I've always been aware that I am capable of doing great things... pero without self-control or determination you won't be able to do anything. that's the problem with the world, they tell you that you have the potential... and that's it. they just state a possibility, and they expect you to do it. yeah sure, if insert name of an accomplished individual here can do it, then why can't you? oh yeah... but remember the known fact that NOT EVERYBODY IS THE SAME?

some people can be their best by working their asses off, but not for me. I guess I can, but... I've always been too lazy... and I am too lazy to even change it.

so this 2011, I will...

reasons why everone should race

everyone should know the fundamentals of racing. that'd make the world a better place.

why?

cause before you were even born, you started out as a race. or at least half of you did. read: union of sperm and egg cells

but apart from that, I have legitimate reasons why everyone should know how to race.

cause I've been playing Gran Turismo 5 for quite some time now and after playing the series for more than a decade, I realized something... that there are certain aspects of racing which works in our daily lives.

yeah sure, racing is just about who gets from point A to point B first, but there are things which happens in between points A and B.

exhibit A:
The Tires - defined as the only part of the car that gets into contact with the road itself and thus gets you to the finish line, tires are pretty important if you want to win a race.

there was an instance where I tuned up a car, overhauled the engine and all that jazz. what I practically did was I made it a very very very powerful car capable of speeds nearing 300km/h. I did a race using that car, but then shit started to happen. my car would spin out of control at times, it won't break as intended so I crashed into a pile of tires. I analyzed the post-race data in order to find out what went wrong... it was the tires. I had hard comfort tires, which practically doesn't have grip... ergo, I skid around the tracks and spun out of control.

moral of the story? I have a lot of things in mind really... like how its important to be grounded. or what truly matters is what makes contact. or you have to get a grip on things, otherwise you'd lose control. its open to sooooo much interpretation, so I'll let you decide cause I can't.

exhibit B-
Lap Time

racing, just like running events, is timed. time how long it took you to finish one lap, time it took you to finish the whole race. and its pretty much a sport where every second count.

I was doing a license test, and in order to get gold I have to finish the track in 1 minute and 17 seconds... and to finish silver 1 minute and 19 seconds... and to finish bronze was 1 minute and 25 seconds. I practically spent the whole night trying to finish the track 2 seconds faster than I did. I spent more than 5 hours trying to nail that 2 seconds. TWO SECONDS FOR GOD'S SAKE!! yeah sure, I came close... 1 second shaved off. but I came closest when I finished 1 minute and 17.298 seconds. I made a fucking mistake for .298 seconds... its insane and unforgiving. just like life.

moral of the story, you may not notice it... but every second counts, seriously. you can try to downplay the importance of the seconds in your life, but who knows? those seconds you waste can possibly turn into 60. and that 60 can turn into 3,600. and that 3,600 can turn into 86,400. which can turn into 604,800... and you get the point. or you don't... either way, this entry is just as good as toilet literature.

exhibit C-
What's Outside The Windows

while doing this blog entry, I ran out of ideas, cause my main point really was exhibit B. but then I started playing again. I was driving a Lamborghini Gallardo, if you're not familiar with the car think: super badass 400 horsepower sportscar. It was at night, at Tuscany. I drove as fast as I could in the darkness, only my headlamps showing the way... but at the middle of the race, out in the distance there were fireworks. it looked beautiful, coloring the night sky, good music playing from the background... I was distracted. for a second I took my eyes of the visible road, but then I crashed into the barriers. I eventually lost the race, all because of... video game fireworks! not even the fancy, Paskuhan type fireworks.

for the nth time, moral of the story: keep your eyes on the road. you will be presented with a million other temptations, but remember to focus... otherwise you'll get screwed. or I dunno, sometimes you're not even on the right track, and your true destination is towards the fireworks.

anyway... I can't think of anything else cause some annoying kid is pretending to fight the TV. its 42 inches and its LCD... ergo, its bigger than the boy and its pretty fragile. and the TV is the only thing I have. apart from my playstation... and this netbook.. and my family.

but yeah, I hate kids. I don't find them cute. I think they're annoying. and thank god they don't understand english, cause they're reading this just as I type. *ding* I just had an amazing idea.

"hey kids, FUCK YOU"

put your hang up in the air

aftermath ng pasko...

marami sigurong di nakatanggap ng regalong inaasam nila, marami sigurong di nagkaroon ng matinong celebration, at marami rin sigurong di nagpasko... dahil di sila katoliko.

...at sa dinami-dami ng taong yun, kayo lang ang magbabasa nito na di man lang aabot ng double digits.

oo, nadismaya rin ako... pero di lang ngayong holiday season. on a regular basis, nadidisappoint ako. irrational, oo, pero what can I do, di naman ako makina para maka-get over it kaagad. come to think of it, pag nadidisappoint ako ng bongga, nag-va-vow ako na balang araw mapapa-sakin din yung di ko natanggap noon.

kaya pag di ko nabibili yung laruan na gusto ko talaga, pina-pramis ko sa sarili ko na "balang araw, magkakatrabaho ako, yayaman ako, at mabibili ko rin yang laruan na yan" magpupursigi akong makuha yan para balang araw ma-re-live ko yung youth that I've always wanted. parang si Michael Jackson. at oo, alam kong wasak ang buhay niya. pero what can I do, I don't have the luxury of being human enough to care for others.

oo, isa akong selfish na nilalang. yun lagi ang pinupukpok ng magulang ko sa aking kokote. pero di ko na sila kokontrahin, aminado naman ako eh. I only care about myself, and I only care about others if their well being will benefits me.

pero ayun, nabubuhay ako para sa sarili ko, para sa mga gamit na di ko nakuha. at pagkatanda ko, pagka wala na ang magulang ko ay may asawa na mga kapatid ko, nakatira ako mag-isa sa condo ko na puno ng mga laruan na may dalawang tennis court, isang hard court at clay.

lahat ng makamundong bagay ay inasam ko ng sobra...

...until I discovered religion.

oo, religion changed my life.

*this is the part where you get shocked and not be able to fully grasp the idea that Kenneth was touched by religion*

no, the scriptures didn't tell me anything. napipikon ako pag nagse-sermon ang pari, lalo na pag tungkol sa pamilya o sa pera o sa trabaho o sa marangyang buhay... as if naman may sapat na karanasan siya bilang isang ama, o negosyante, o in demand na bachelor. at ang masaklap pa dun, linggo-linggo pumupunta ang libu-libong nananalig para sabihang may mali sa kanila and shit. o baka di sila nakikinig critically habang nagsesermon ang pari o baka nag-zo-zone out lang sila habang misa at ginagawa lang ito na parang routine. at yun ang masaklap sa catholic church.

kaya I have found solace in Hinduism.

oo, sa relihiyong nageencourage na hugasan ang sarili sa maduming ilog ng Ganges.

oo, sa relihiyiong sinusunog ang mga newly-widowed.

oo, sa relihiyong rine-revere ang holy shit.

salamat sa subject kong Philosophical Anthropology, ang bullshit (pun intended) na practices ng Hinduism finally made sense. sa paniniwala ng mga Hindu ko nabitawan ang pagiging materialistic ko, ang pagiging stuck sa cycle ng consumerism, and most importantly, ang mga hang up ko.

oo, masyadong mystical ang paniniwala ng mga Hindu. at oo, mas may rational explanation ang Buddhism. pero ewan, Hindu belief really struck home for me. mula sa mga readings ng Upanishads, at ang pag-explain na within us are souls which is Atman, which is a part of the greater universe which is Brahman. so ibig sabihin our souls and the universe flows as one, we are part of the universe in as much as the universe is part of us.

pero on a more practical sense, sa Hinduism ko rin natutunan na we give in to our material wants in order to appease the pain of being incomplete. and Hinduism encourages us to find the true self, the self which does not experience pain and therefore does not need worldly belongings, the state of dreamless sleep. because in our waking hours, we are stuck in a cycle of wanting something and once we get it, we shift our wants elsewhere. I mean we already are already stuck in a cycle of birth and rebirth, according to Hindu and Buddhist beliefs, although I do not subscribe to that concept fully.

cause at the end of the road when all is said and done, you'll look back and ponder... what did I live for? what were the dreams that I chased? for what did I spent my past 60 years (assuming you live up to the life expectancy of a male Filipino) for?

will you allow yourself to be hung up on a cycle of materialism in order to get your mind off the pain of living with the material self?

or will you take the noble path?

...to find the self which does not experience pain from a lack of material things. the self which finds solace on its own without having to depend on anything.

maligayang paksiw

baket kaya may mga taong di nararamdaman ang pasko?

may kaibigan akong may girlfriend at mayaman, pero di niya daw nararamdaman ang pasko.

may kaibigan akong weirdo at sakristan na know it all, di rin daw niya nararadaman na pasko.

at ako, ang batang maraming hangups na walang ginawa buong taon kundi man-stalk... pero nararamdaman ko naman ang spirit of christmas.

anong klaseng tao ba ang manhid sa spirit of christmas? malabong isang miserableng tao, dahil may kilala akong thrid world equivalent ni richie rich pero di daw niya nararamdaman na pasko na. posible siguro na may kulang sa kanila o may inaasahan silang may magandang mangyayari sa pasko pero di nangyari kaya nadismaya siguro sila.

kaya as much as possible, I keep my expectations low.

ano ba naman kasi mapapala mo pag nag-expect ka ng bongga diba? as if naman may telepathic ability ka para lalong pagbutihin ng universe na gawin ang inaasahan mo. pwede mo rin sabihin sa tao na mataas expectation mo sa kanila, pero pasko ang pinaguusapan natin. di mo pwede sabihin na mataas expectation mo sa isang abstract idea, kasi magmumuka kang avid reader ng mga self-help books.

wala namang masama sa pag-basa ng self-help books, marangal na pinagkakakitaan rin yan at as if naman ganun ka-laki ang royalties na natatanggap ng mga awtor ng mga librong yan.

pero ayun... kahit papaano umasa na rin ako at na-disappoint. pero dahil naman kasi ang pag-asa lang ang ginawa ko. di ko sinet up yung sitwasyon upang mangyari ang inaasahan ko. tulad lang kanina, inaasahan kong dadaan kami sa isang mall para makabili ako ng Gran Turismo 5. pero next time na lang daw. o inasahan ko dati na mananalo ang Nederland laban sa Espanya nung World Cup Final. pero naputol ang winning streak ng pambato ko. o tulad ng pag-exam ko sa ateneo, na dahil sobrang nadalian ako feel na feel ko nang magiging katipunan boy na ko. pero hinde, ang tumanggap saken ay ang royal and pontifical.

siguro naman mas masaklap ang mga disappointing moments ng karamihan ng tao, pero kahit gano pa ka-babaw ang sitwasyon ko. dagok pa rin ito.

pero di ako magdadrama sa isang tabi buong araw at magsasayang ng oras. hinde, magdadrama lang ako ng ilang minuto for added effect, matapos nito ay pagpaplanuhan ko na ang susunod kong gagawin. madalas ko nga sabihin sa sarili ko "now that I am in deep shit, how do I swim out of it?" oo, kahit sarili kong psyche iniingles ko, at oo yun na yung metaphor na gagamitin ko.

bilang isang ekonomista, lahat ng bagay ay maka-classify as resource, kahit ang time. at trabaho ng isang ekonomista ang pag-maximize ng resources. exception to the rule ang peysbuk, ayos lang pagsayangan ng panahon ang peysbuk... ewan ko kung baket.. pero ayos lang. pero ang pag-dadrama at pag-whine, wala kang napapala dun.. maaring mas wala kang mapapala sa peysbuk.. pero at least di ka malungkot o nababagot... unless nagdadrama ka habang gumagamit ng peysbuk, krimen na yun.

ewan ko ba kung ano point ko, pero lagi naman akong malabo eh... what difference does it make? tska lagi namang wala kang mapapala sa pag-basa nito eh... kaya mag peysbuk ka na lang...

...better yet, go out and make the world a better place to live in one deed at a time. ayos?

to get her

that's what you have to do in order to be TOGETHER.

but as of now, I just want to talk to her. so I'll be a STALKER.

just pretend it rolls off the tongue pretty well.

anyway, I wanted this to be part 2 of my last entry, cause... I didn't seem to end it all too well. and because I wanted to say more but I wasn't able to cause... some random intellectual property right came to mind and my train of thought got derailed.

part 2:

okay, stalking isn't the easiest thing to do. no wait, it is. cause I seem to get a kick out of trying to live out scenarios in the games I play. err... don't get the idea that I play creepy stalker games. no, I play normal games normal people play... in america, or japan, or europe. cause normal people here in the philippines play dota and stuff. which I can't seem to enjoy. or probably I am just too pussified to face tough competition.

stalking probably is pathetic to some, if not, everyone. yeah, I'll admit it, I don't have the balls to just approach someone and say hi. It doesn't work that way for me, I work better in the shadows. like an assassination job, but instead of me doing the killing, its cupid's job to pull the string of his/her bow, all I have to do is to provide a name, a face, an information.

cause really, the one I am stalking right now wasn't the easiest to catch. last year, the only thing I knew about her was she's a 2nd year Literature major. but now, I pretty much know her educational background, activities she engaged in, her family, the car his dad drives, her friends, and her friends information. tell me now, I am just fucking awesome right?

Once I was in a contemplative state after watching Richard Linklater's Waking Life, I had the balls to click the 'add as friend' button. but having no friends in common, she ignored my request. after which I got paranoid, thinking that she probably knows me now and I am a sitting duck waiting to be ridiculed by her army of girls which came from exclusive schools. and a swarm of exclusive school girls are, scary.

she knows me, but I know her more. but it came to a point where it felt like it was some worthless research. its like doing philosophical dissertations, it ain't practical. a dude with balls would've gotten her with lesser effort than a stalker like me would. and so it came to be, it was probably a summer of love, or something else. but if my intel was correct at the time, she had a relationship from May to late-November/early-December. even if she might've broken up, I feel like I missed the chance. cause it'll roughly be around a year and a half until she graduates, and during my senior year I should stop being a stalker...

...by then she and I have to be together™

can you say 'stalker'?

for a year now, it seems... but it doesn't feel like its that long. or probably because I don't think about how long it has been. and to prove that, I'll prove myself wrong by saying that I started stalking her january of 2010.

it's been almost a year... what's new?

I vowed last year to find out her name, to put a name on that beautiful painting. but no (it may sound cheesy) she's more than a painting. cause I seemed to have placed her on a pedestal (and you can't put paintings on pedestals) and I feel inferior to her (which to some extent is true but that's not the point)

and when you feel inferior, you feel like you don't have the right to have someone or something. and I don't want that to happen. I would like to believe (no matter how far fetched it may be) that she and I will be something. without the drama of being overly possessive and insecure, like my good friend which seems to have problems with his girlfriend every now and then. wait, on second thought, 'every now and then' is an understatement, 'every single day' makes sense.

tall, dark, and lovely. that's me, wouldn't you agree? that's also her.

I'm not pretty sure if I posted this long ago, but she's different. I'd see her for a few seconds, and it makes my day. or even before my day start, I'd be with her in a dream and the moment I wake up with that hazy memory of being with her already makes my day. Some days, I'd try to stay a bit longer at school just to catch a glimpse of her. Are there other people who are as obsessed as I am? who knows. but fact of the matter is, she's different. different from every pretty face I see in university.

like, no matter how many pretty faces catch my eyes, there'll be this one lady who catches my heart.

OKAY! THAT LINE IS MINE! I WILL SUE ANYONE WHO TRIES TO PUT IT IN THEIR INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY WITHOUT GIVING ME DUE COMPENSATION! I'll put a trademark after it just to prove my point.

like, no matter how many pretty faces catch my eyes, there'll be this one lady who catches my heart.™

SO NO ONE CAN TAKE THAT LINE!!

or probably you can, if and only if, you girl caught you checking out other ladies. and if that wins the argument, then send me money!

wow, I've deviated from the topic like... I'm trippin' on shrooms.

25 days ago...

...someone was reading the seemingly sensible ideas from an anhedonic individual.

25 days later...

...I type again.

I do not expect people to read this anymore, and by people I meant the one or two readers I normally have. In the same manner as the populace from social networking sites move from one site to another determined by trends and the amount of people using it, Multiply has died.

I am merely feeding a dead man's agape mouth by still doing this.

I won't be here for too long, maybe a few posts here and there... until it all dies out. Which seems to be the case in online trends. cause everything is just a trend, what we waste time on will not matter in the next decade. The things which we try to accomplish on websites are short-term triumphs. We seemed to have been conditioned by the internet to live in the present, which I do think should be, but we also seemed to have lost the ability to step back and look at what we are doing into perspective.

Its either that or I am making assumptions based on things pulled out from my ass.

which seems to be the case innit?

lover's speat

it feels different now, when I hear her song... resonating in my head.

initially, it gave me a great sense of optimism. it made me believe that maybe this was really it given that I felt something every time our eyes meet, even just for a second or two. I might've blew my chances when I had it before, now it all seems like a blur.

at times I can still feel the optimism though faint, it's still there... like a ship disappearing into the horizon.

but nowadays, its nothing but a lost cause it seems. something which felt real, but really isn't. something which I almost had, but never got.

I guess I truly am tied to a night we've never met...

...hi I am Kenneth.. and you are?

nagaaral ako tapos bilang may na-amoy akong iniihaw na liempo

kaya naisipan kong bumalik sa friendster

oo, may koneksyon yun... maniwala ka saken.

linibot ko ang friendster (na siyempre, naka-anonymous) at di ko akalaing magiging isang time capsule ang websayt na ito.

dito ko binabalikan ang masalimuot kong kabataan kung saan ang ka-weirdo-han ko ay buhay na buhay pa. sinubukan kong alalahanin ang mga nakasulat sa profile ko dati, kaso nga lang di ko forte ang pag-alala ng kahit ano, so ang tanging tagapag-paalala ng aking nakaraan sa friendster ay ang mga profile pictures ko.

noon ay ginagamit ko pa ang 7250 ng aking ina para kumuha ng letrato at gumastos ng kinse pesos para lang ma-send sa e-mail ko at ma-upload sa friendster upang gawing profile picture. pa-goth pa ko nun at walang pimples. kahiya-hiya, oo. pero wala akong magagawa, ganun talaga ako. kaya siguro naiintindihan ko kung pano gumana ang utak ng mga pa-cool, dahil I was once there. pero di ako nagpapaka-goth dati para magmukang cool sa paningin ng ibang tao, ginagawa ko talaga ang ka-goth-an na yun para sa sarili ko talaga, dun ko nararamdaman na may kinalulugaran ako sa mundong ito, kahit ang pagiging goth ay pagiging out of place sa society.

dun pa lang eh, malalaman mo nang weirdo talaga ako. muka akong gago sa mga pose ko sa mga profile pictures ko, as ngayon iniisip ko "ano nga bang pumasok sa utak ko't ginawa ko yun?" so nung kabataan ko pa lang, sinisira ko na imahe ko. so ngayon talaga, dapat ang maging gelpren ko ay isang taong di alam ang aking history. dahil sa tingin ko naman eh nag-bago na ko. ata? ewan, weirdo pa rin siguro ako, kaso nga lang ngayon... aware ako na weirdo ako so di ko na sineseryoso sarili ko at pinagtatawanan ko na lang mga ginagawa kong ka-weirdu-han.

pero ewan ko ba, di naman ako nanghihinayang na puro ka-weirduhan pinag-gagawa ko noon. pero kahit ngayon, ka-weirduhan pa rin pinag-gagawa ko eh. sadyang ginawa ako ng diyos upang maging weirdo sa mundong ito. at tanggap ko yun. pero that doesn't mean na bawal ko baguhin.

dahil ang importante lang naman sa buhay ay maging masaya.

something in the way

"too much time is wasted on being shy"

...a former teammate said

and I dreamt of her again...

but this time it was different, it felt real...

yeah sure every dream feels real... but this felt like it could possibly happen

I wish it'll happen... although wishing alone isn't enough to make dreams into reality.. no matter how real your dream may feel

work for it, work hard...

cause in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

oo nga naman, di team sports ang basketball

may nabasa akong essay or blag entry siguro, pero sa peysbuk ko nakita na baka kinuha mula sa spot.ph... so sabihin na lang natin gawa niya.

whatever

nakakatuwang basahin ang mga gawa ni Lourd De Veyra... at mas lalong natutuwa ako kapag nagkakapareho kami ng sinusulat.

nabasa ko lang kanina, na mukang matagal na niyang ginawa, yung tungkol sa di pagka-hilig ng mga pinoy sa football. medyo nagkakatugma kami sa ilang punto, may mga punto akong mukang ako lang magiisip dahil baliw ako, at may mga punto siyang di ko man lang naisip.

na ang mga pinoy ay mahilig rin sa team sports... tulad ng basketbol.. so di lang si Pacquiao o Bata Reyes o si Vera ang minamahal ng bayan... mahal rin ng bayan ang Boston at Lakers!

kaso nga lang, sino ba pinapanood ng mga pinoy sa basketball? yung team as one functioning unit ba o si Kobe as a one man team?

pero pwede ring i-argue na di lang naman isang tao ang nagdadala ng isang team sa Finals.. tingnan mo si LeBron, hirap dalhin ang Cavs eh... so kelangan talagang may supporting cast ka.. tulad nila Gasol, Pippen, at Williams.

kaso nga lang sa sports equipment market, ang lumalabas individual sport pa rin ang basketball. Tingnan mo mga sapatos pang basketbol ng Nike at adidas, nakapangalan kila LeBron at Kobe at Durant at T-Mac at KG.. ikumpara mo naman sa football shoes, ang tanging sapatos na ipinangalan sa isang atleta ay ang R10 ni Ronaldihno.. matapos nun the shoes exist on their own.

enough about me bashing basketball, don't get me wrong, I play basketball... cause I have no other choice really. but when you're exposed to something for so long, you start to love it.

and the simplest answer why filipinos don't love football, is cause we just don't play it.

as simple as that...

wave back, you're a celebrity...

there have been considerably more people greeting me in ust ever since I joined the team...

football team that is

trouble is... I can't seem to remember names and faces easily. I know its a left brained or right brained thing, so being unable to both only means that I am utterly dumb.

and I'm not really the most outgoing of persons, so its not programmed into my head that I should immediately wave and say hi to someone who greets me. just this morning there was a guy who kinda looked like the guy I played with yesterday, but I'm not sure if he really is that guy... so he waved and gave me a nod, so I processed the information, then thought of what to do next... then I gave a friendly nod and the salute-ish thing I always do... so yeah... it took me.. more than a second to do something which every normal being should immediately be able to do.

and this afternoon, after going out of the building, a lady sitting on the AB Pav shouted my name... then I gave the lady a quizzical look but given that she was actually saying hi at me but I presumed she was from the women's team.. so I returned with a naive-ish hello.. yes from one side of the road to another.

and lastly, after spending time with my black posse... on the same spot where the lady greeted me, but this time it was waaaaaay more crowded with the kids ending their classes, I kept on hearing a lady scream my name... I'm not generally well known so I pretty much ignored it, and given that there really isn't any point in anyone calling me in the middle of an extremely crowded area.. I assumed it was the same lady who said hi... but.. why?

oh well... maybe I need to get rid of this introvertedness and shit

cause I too am a social being

dahil ang importante lang naman satin ay ang maka-iskor at di ang bansa

kaya siguro di mabenta ang football sa mga pinoy eh kasi... nasanay tayo sa basketball.. na high scoring

at sobrang nasanay na tayo iskor lang ang tinitingan... eh di na natin naiintindihan ang sport mismo... it becomes a game of numbers rather than a game of players on the field... or court...

kaya narealize ko rin, nakakabadtrip yung mga taong iskor lang habol nung NBA Finals.. kabadtrip pag may magtetext ng update ng score tapos tatanongin ko "sino naka-iskor? ano FG percentage niya? pano siya naka-iskor?" pero syempre dahil iskor lang ang tinetext.. imahinasyon ko na lang ang gumagana... AND IT IS NOT THE FREAKING SPORT!

kaya I see no hope for Filipinos to develop a passion for football the same way other countries have... dahil ang importante sa atin ay iskor... at sa football.. the score doesn't say much... kung numero lang naman importante sa atin... mag-stock market na lang tayo!

yes I am pissed off.. pero siguro kasi bitter ako dahil mas gusto ng pinoy ang basketball keysa football... and basketball is a sport of tall people... which filipinos aren't... the dutch in general are suited for basketball because they're median height is considerably tall... and their passion sport is football... yeah sure its not bad to wish to be tall... but it just adds to the things that we try to become but obviously aren't... which prevents us in loving ourselves... and in turn loving our country...

oo, because of basketball we can't love our country... because we want to be something else... we see what we're lacking... and not what we have

so really... its not an issue of which sport should filipinos love... but why filipinos can't love their country because they love something which they obviously aren't

its sad... and I rarely see hope for anything

...now looking at the current state of our country, can you?

Mr. rightside

as much as possible I don't say sorry... and mean it

cause early on I learned that a child can never be right. what parents say is law and if you think otherwise, no matter how right you think you may be, you are wrong.

from then on I learned that we're all wrong in one way or another... and that we can always be right, all you need to do is to exploit what's wrong about the person and hope that you break the person down before he reveals your flaws.

yes... I believe I am always right.. rarely do I admit that I am wrong.. cause as long as you can persuade other people into thinking you are right... you will be right.

should I be a lawyer? I dunno... do lawyers have to be lawful people?

but yeah, I am being raised into a lawyer... so my benefactors should face the consequences of having someone who can right a wrong. otherwise, raise a doctor... or an accountant.

pers day sa sican yir

cliche blog entry nanaman po

pero yeah... this is the weirdest pers day ever... ewna ko ba kung baket

siguro dahil kasi sa bagong bintana, hello lush greeneries and polluted skies of manila. pero ang weird talaga, di ko gets kung baket... parang.. may iba... AY OO! irreg na kasi yung bespren kong negro. and it saddens me na most of his subjects kukunin niya sa kabilang section. pero ayos lang, marami pa rin namang negro sa eco1. tulad ni Uche... na mukang i-e-enjoy ko ang company niya.

dahil world cup nanaman...

mas mapaguusapan pa rin ang NBA Finals

kasi naman, ang madalas na reklamo ng mga pilipino sa football ay antagal maka-iskor. ang paboritong linya na narinig ko mula sa isang kaibigan ko "kabadtrip yan eh 'no? pag 80 minutes ka nang naglalaro tapos 0:0 pa rin ang iskor"

at napaisip ako, baket iskor lang ang pinapansin ng mga tao sa isang sport?

siguro kasi tayo'y isang basketball loving nation at nasanay tayo sa high scoring games kaya nakakapanibago ang isang laro kung saan sobrang madalas umiskor ang isang team.

pero naisip ko naman...

siguro ang mga taong di maka-appreciate sa football ay mga taong walang hilig sa sports

kasi sa basketball, madaling malaman kung anong team ang nagpeperform ng mabuti at kadalas yun yung team na may lead. so sa isang tinginan pa lang alam na ng isang viewer ang performance ng dalawang teams. pero sa football, mas dapat pansinin kung ano ang nangyayari sa pitch keysa kung ano ang nangyayari sa scoreboard. so importanteng pinagtutuunan mo ng atensyon ang laro.

pero naisip ko rin...

na baka di colonial mentality ang dahilan kung baket mabenta ang basketbol sa pilipinas

kasi kung cononial mentality nga, edi dapat mabenta rin sa atin ang american football. sadyang kinalakihan ng bansa natin ang basketbol... kahit di tayo isa sa mga top basketball countries.

sports... kung saan sa individual events lang nagsa-succeed ang pilipinas

says a lot about our country eh?

summer ends

and I am quite hesitant to go back to class

...not because I wish I was studying elsewhere, although I am one of those smart ass kids who thought they had a good chance of passing UPCAT. I did however passed UPLB's standards, but my dad knew I was a latent communist and a far away commie haven isn't something he'd want me to stay in.

looking back, I think it was a good call from him. I think I'd be better off in the royal and pontifical university with my new found friends.

and by friends, I mean 20-something year old black people and 20-something year old people who left their militarized country.

cause really, I can't imagine myself being able to survive UST without them. I'd be like the knoller classmate of mine who hated my guts. She'd probably hate me more if I followed suit and transferred to UPD as well. but I think it'd be better for her to not see me anyway.

I noticed lately, that the age baracket of my friends have been on the extremes. like, I'd either have friends who are really young or friends who are much older. Here at home most of my friends are 9 to 12 years younger than me and at school my friends are 5 to 7 years older than I am. Its kinda absurd, but I seem to have a hard time getting along with people of my age. Maybe because age is just a number, and how we conduct ourselves isn't necessarily in tune with our age. So the reason why I have friends younger than me is that I am maybe young at heart and I still have this youthful naivete which drives me to become curious about the world and it's quirks. And I have older friends is cause they stand as entities which help me discover more cause they've experienced life more and they can share their wisdom with me.

and yeah... curiosity killed the cat, killing something which has nine lives... that's a huge feat. so in theory, curiosity can easily kill a human being... look at the Curies.

but oh well.. I'd rather die because of my curiosity, hello Steve Irwin, than to remain unmoved like a stone.

cause a ship in a harbor is safe but that is not what ships were built for.

sun, sun, sun here he comes

ang swallow ay isang bird... and I'd like to have a swallow bird someday... and I will name it Swallow... and I will teach it tricks to make it come to me.. I'll order it to come by saying "Swallow, come!"

anyway..

I just can't get over the whole Seaman thing in South Park

you are not my friend if you don't see the humor in "Swallow, come!"... seriously... I found myself rolling on the floor lauging out loud when I heard that...

but on a much more serious note... but really, anything can be more serious than the "Swallow, come" gag

sooooooo yeah... the dark clouds are upon us... again, I will find it very depressing... as with every rainy season... but I do hope that the weather remains consistent.

why?

cause if the weather remains consistent, meaning depressingly cloudy with a few drizzling here and there, then we might not face another Ondoy. cause like, I'd rather have it rainy all year long than have it rain so hard in one weekend.

or wait.. maybe I'd rather have another Ondoy.

being the cold hearted bastard that I am, I think it would be more beneficial on my part to have another super typhoon. cause for one, our place isn't susceptible to flooding and when Ondoy drowned Marikina and Pasig, the water levels here were only up until our ankles. another justification would be less class for me, cause to be honest I think high school education seemed to be more worth studying than college.. or maybe I haven't had enough major subjects yet to be interested in college. and lastly, I want another Ondoy to happen because the insurance company where my tita works will be full of salvaged goods. That's like instant 75% off on clothing and shoes and hygeiene stuff.. which I definitely need but definitely don't use much.

yes, I am a caveman

but yeah, I am not a fan of the gloomy weather. I used to like it grey all around, but I kind of pussied out and started to love the vivid colors I see with the sun around.

yes, I am also a hippie

so I am a caveman hippie who wants a Swallow bird to come

...not much of a blog entry, innit?

the love you take...

...is equal to the love you make

and obviously I haven't been making any.. at all

but I'm working on it... don't worry

I've been living a very positive lifestyle. No hatred, all love. Maybe that's why I've been feeling better, cause I love more than I hate. Cause when you obsess about the things you hate about life, it seems like poison. Especially when you don't do anything about it, like you just sit in one corner and you wrap your mind around a certain issue which pisses you off, and in the end nothing productive ever comes out of it. Unless more hatred is your ideal product.

Really now, one could have an infinite amount of reasons to hate life. Cause everything is bound to be flawed, cause the life we live in is flawed, therefore nothing can ever be perfect. But when you look at the reasons why you hate life, and try to turn it into something else, like something to change in order to make life better or something which you can learn how to love and in doing so adds more reason why you should love life. Cause the list of things why should you love life is pretty short in comparison to the reasons why you should hate life, but if you try to turn at least one reason to hate life into something why you should love life and a million other people follow you, then who knows... the world could possibly be an even better place to live in.

no, I do not read self help books... it sounds stupid. cause how do you help yourself when clearly you're reading someone else's words

all of these musings appeared out of thin air when I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine who usually talks about negative stuff about other people... and thanks to him I wasted your time again.

but seriously, love more than you hate... I promise you the sky will be bluer, the grass will be greener, and the sun will still blind you if you stare at it directly

first of summer with the football squad

Cara was right... I should play football. *starts thinking how cara and I came to know each other... oh yeah, we met a DeviantArt.. wait.. was that her? or was it the watercoloring lady?*

so yeah... I should play football.. and that was what I've doing for the past month..

for some strange reason, I've been enjoying life a bit because of it...  maybe its because of elevated testosterone in my bloodstream after playing or just the general human contact which I don't usually get during the summer.. cause well, me and the computer and facebook is all the human contact I basically get

so yeah... football is a contact sport played with people... so yeah... I get human contact that way... it may not be the gentlest of ways.. but hey, beggars can't be choosers.. and compared to getting a girlfriend and playing football.. I get more human contact waaaaaay cheaper with football than if I had a girlfriend.. c'mon its a no brainer.. 21 guys on the field versus 1 lady.. *please do get my humor*

beda football seems to be an entirely different experience from AB football... my most major gripe really is the drama that transpires among the members.. like, they'd be saying bad things about other members and stuff.. I felt like I was in pinoy big brother or something... I wasn't expecting drama at all but if this is how the team works, then let it be.. this could've been easily fixed, I suppose, with proper communication. from my frist impression, they'd rather tell other people about their problem regarding someone than telling the person they have a problem with directly. who knows? they could probably fix the problem immediately which could develop rapport between the people involved which in turn could translate into better chemistry on the field.

although chemistry might be a huge problem for the team in this year's goodwill games... because I brought along with me my nigerian friends. lack of communication, imbalance of talent, and maybe difference in skin color... are just some of the factors which might contribute to a lack of chemistry for the team.. but if the filipinos can communicate with the nigerians in the same way I did.. the only problem will be the difference in talent, that and the difference in skin color

and this is where I drop a bunch of names.. which can be easily found by using google..

I've made a bunch of good friends from the team, lucky me, top of the list would be the guy who is always present on the pitch.. Horazio Morales, or Horace, or Hor if you're the college of science peeps type... he's on the top of my list cause for one, he sounds like one of my most favorite persons in high school, Prince Karl Cabural!! their voices sound so much identical its quite funny already.. its like seeing a guy which sounds like cabural but isn't as cute and doesn't have golden teeth...but yeah, I like Horace.. and another, cause he's always there on the pitch, except for that one time in the UP Sunken Garden.. but yeah, he's fairly consistent

next on my list is Morrys Sarmiento, I know he reads a few of my blog entries, hello to you, another guy I like.. and no, I am not saying that because he might see this.. I genuinely think the he's great.. he may have a few character flaws but he's better than a lot of the people I've met in UST.. usually he and I'd be just talking, well generally its him who does the talking cause he's more aware of the situation of the football team and I'm still on the part where I observe everything, cause jumping in immediately without prior knowledge is dangerous or maybe even social suicide... out of all the people I've met, it is him who has a lot of gripes about the team.. and from what I can see is he's the silent sufferer type, like, he doesn't confront the people he has problems with, so he waits until the other person gets a clue.. so given that I'm a self-proclaimed body language expert, it'll be easy for me to know if he has qualms against anyone

and lastly would be Borgy, or Niel, or whatever you want to call him... I call him Borgy cause its a letter more than orgy, and because he looks like Borgie Hermida, and because he's from San Beda grade school.. I think generally, I like people of benedictine upbringing.. so you might call me biased, but he seems to be a lot of fun, so far my conversations with him were very insightful.. something I always love... although the trouble with him is he gets a lot of flak from Ben Abdalla, one of the nigerians of AB, and that is just one of the reasons why chemistry will be a problem for the AB team...

wow.. this seems to be long.. I wanted to put in more but no one read this much unless you are involved with the sport and the team

malabo ang mata ko

...and its dangerous when I type

pero keri lang, di ko naman pinoo-proofread mga blag entry ko eh... pero eto talaga di ko i-re-read, dahil malabo nga mata ko

lately, I've been much more driven to live life. cause for most of my existence I've been anhedonic, thus the blog name. I dunno, the sun is sunnier than before, the sky is bluer than blue, and I hear birds chirping in my head even though there are none... yes, you figured it out, I am perpetually high.

No, I am not. I just feel better lately, its like I have a reason to wake up in the morning and feel the warmth of the sun on my sunburned skin and breathe in the freshest air the outskirts of Manila can offer. Everything is just so damn beautiful y'know, like, I am comfortable with the climate even though most of the people think otherwise. Actually, I love the heat. I wish it'd be summer forever, global warming is so lovely! oh sorry, climate change. but whatever the scientists or al gore call its just lovely.

Again, no, I am not high. Neither have I turned back to God. Life is just giving me the best sensory experience I've had since... ever. My body may be in so much pain with all the physical activities I've been doing, but the world feels like a better place to live in. I know a friend of mine thinks otherwise, so I assert that beauty is subjective, and right now, life to me is just beautiful.

so damn beautiful

cause life shouldn't be taken too seriously... nobody gets out alive anyway

what now?

ngayong nagwagi na si Noynoy?

its kinda funny that I was an Erap guy back then just because I thought he had no chance of even getting 3rd spot. but apparently, its the man whom I thought would claim first place...

...napaisip ako, ano kaya ang ibig sabihin ng resulta ng halalan? oo, panalo si Noynoy.. yun naman ang obvious. pero baket di nanalo si Gibo? ang pambato ng intellectual community. baket natalo si Villar? kahit sobrang dami na niyang ginastos sa pangangampanya at ginamit na sila Willie, Manny at Dolphy. at baket umabot pa ng panglawang pwesto si Erap? matapos nang siya'y paalisin ng edsa dos. at baket nanguna si Bong Revilla? na... tangina.. may nagawa ba siya sa senado? pano kaya kung taga-ABS ang nagkaroon ng sex video na kumalat.. bibigyan pa ba ng pansin ni Bong Revilla yun?

sa tingin ko naman hindi kwestyunable ang pagkapanalo si Noynoy, ngunit ang pagkatalo ni Villar kay Erap ay isang malaking... kalokohan.

ibig sabihin nun, ang mga taong nagpaalis kay Erap nung edsa dos ay mas konti keysa sa mga gustong ibalik siya sa pagka-pangulo.so parang ang ipinagmamalaki nating People Power Revolution ay isang kalokohan lang kasi Erap was on the cusp of getting back the presidency. tutal, ang mga nakilahok lang naman sa mga People Power Revolutions ay ang mga nasa Metro Manila at sa mga karatig na lugar. ang lugar na yun ay maliit kumpara sa mga malalayong probinsya na di nakilahok at baka may ibang opinyon.

napanood ko si Noynoy sa CNN kagabi, at di siya mukang presidente. yung tipong wala siyang dating at parang ako lang mag-ingles na nag-su-stutter. pero ayos na ko na siya ang maging presidente, lalo na't di nanalo si Roxas... sobrang magiging puppet si Noynoy ni Mar eh. pero ayaw ko lang ang political dynasty ni Binay sa Makati. kasi gusto ko si Bayani manalo... dahil ang presidente ko may B... for balls! lalakeng kausap! titino ang gobyerno!

whatever, di ko na mabasa tinatype ko dahil malabo na mata ko

I love balls

...dahil mas madalas ako makapanood ng football games dun. kaso nga lang ang English Premiership nasa Star Sports, pero ano naman say nun sa UAAP Football!

Nakakatuwa eh, pinapalabas pala sa Balls ang football games ng UAAP. Finals between FEU and UST, at talo ang sintang paaralan. Sana meron rin ang NCAA, para mapanood ko rin ang beloved alma mater.

Pansin ko lang pag nanonood ako ng sporting event, mas nag-eenjoy ako pag may connection talaga ako sa team. Yung tipong kumakabog ang dibdib ko pag crucial stages na ng game, or napapasigaw ako ng sobrang lakas pag may error or pag naka-iskor.

Ang maganda pa sa Balls, eh ipapalabas nila ang World Cup! 30 days na lang at FIFA World Cup na wooooho! HUP HOLLAND HUP! alas siyete ng gabi ng June 14 ang first game ng Netherlands! HUP HOLLAND HUP!

paki nga ba nila sa opinyon ko...

for one, my arguments seem offbeat or downright ridiculous...

...but apparently I keep on spewing them like a trained dragon

so yeah...

eleksyon na talaga at habang ginagagawa ko 'to, I am half listening to Diyes sa Mayo 10 thing of ABS-CBN. Karamihan ng angkan ko ay maka-Gibo, karamihan ng mga kaibigan ko ay maka-Gibo, at ako... in all honesty, walang paki kung sino manalo.

but clearly, si Villar ang lagi kong bina-bash... pero ayos naman ako kahit manalo siya eh. gawin niyang isang malaking real estate shit ang bansa, keber lang, dagdag GNP na yun, pag-asenso pa rin naman yun.

sa mga past blog entries ko, sinabi ko iboboto ko si Noynoy. pero really, di ako bilib sa pangako niyang pagiging di corrupt. Di ko namang sinasabing magiging corrupt siya tulad ng 99% ng mga pulitiko, pero kahit maging malinis siya does it follow na magiging malinis rin ang local government unit?

karamihan ng mga intelektwal ay boboto kay Gibo. Magaling siya magsalita sa mga napapanood ko sa telebisyon, kaya iniimagine ko kung ano itsura niya nung nanliligaw pa siya. Ang ganda ng asawa nun, and I can see na epektibo nga ang speaking skills niya, swabe. Kidding aside, naniniwala akong maganda ang magagawa ni Gibo sa bayan. Think GMA again, with less probability of scandals. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing... seriously

Speaking of scandals, lately ko lang naisip... diba si Joey De Venecia ang nagbuwag ng ZTE-NBN shit? wow, that's good right? pero diba parang ang scenario is initially makikinabang dapat siya dun pero nung nag-iba ng ihip ng hangin... ayun! pinigilan niya ang shit na yun. haha... paki sabi na lang kung mali ang facts ko.. para may facepalm moments naman tayo.

okay.. naputol ang train of thought ko dahil inexplain sa TV ang posibleng pag-balik ni GMA dahil baka maging prime minister siya or something...

tska pinakita rin pala na importante kay Loren Legarda ang environment... it shows na naninindigan siya dun.. biodegradable ang tarpaulins at stickers na campagin materials niya diba?

anyway...

wala naman akong problema kung sino man ang maluklok basta't gawin ko lang namang maginhawa ang buhay ko. tingnan niyo yung mga affluent individuals, wala gaanong qualms sa gobyerno. gusto ko maging ganun... isang indibidwal na immune sa kalokohahn ng gobyerno! kasi ang mga nagbebenefit naman sa proyekto ng gobyerno ay yung mga middle class peeps eh.. tingnan mo yung SCTEX! dumaan lang ako dun kanina, at proyekto siya ni Pang gulong Gloria Arroyo!

inaantok na ko... ayaw ko na mag-type

and always remember... to not take life seriously.. cause I don't

maybe a businessman should run the country...

...cause it seems to me that the private sector does a better job of economizing than the government

and its not like real estate would kill anyone

and I do love the color orange... my room is orange, yeah

or maybe I'm just high on nutmeg and should not be taken seriously...

but seriously, I do hope that the automated election goes haywire so the votes for Villar won't be counted. and hey, its either Gloria stays in power or Gibo does some legal magic and becomes president... both have galing at talino, right? according to their marketing division

or Noynoy starts one huge rally like his mother and a bunch of defectors from the military did...

and the JIL peeps would join them, so we'd have one huge yellow army with a dash of greenies on the side...

or maybe I am high on nutmeg and should not be taken seriously...

why I believe Villar might lose...

...when everyone else is proclaiming death be upon us

I've always argued to my peers and family that Villar will do the same mistake Pichay did last senatorial elections. Pichay spent the most in advertising, and yet he still wasn't able to make the cut for the 12. The argument may be flawed but hey, at least its something to hold on.

and c'mon, the news media has been using the meme "problema sa pag-iisip" or something... or whatever shit which suggest that Noynoy is mentally retarded. When in fact the medical records says depression or melancholia or something. I mean, c'mon, is there anyone who has never experienced any form of depression? I've been depressed before, does that make me mentally retarded?

at least the black propaganda against Villar seems more plausible...

but on a less serious note, I think the 'tunay na mahirap' people would fail to follow directions properly and thus their votes would be nullified or something... yay for smart voters!

I can't hear myself think with the sound of rain... I hate the rain when it gets me or my stuff wet.. but I love the sound of it.

but yeah... I don't want the country be run by a businessman, I want someone to do damage control. The Arroyo Administration has done more bad than good. You can argue that the economy did well, but did that relate to an overall improvement of living among our countrymen?

so I say go ja-ja-ja-jamby madrigal! hahaha

benchwarmer est. 1992

yeah... it has always been that way.

I was never really successful in any of my athletic endeavors. Being head of the chess club back in grade school was a bust with almost everyone on the club beating me. Football in high school didn't work as well cause I was pretty introverted, and it never occurred to me that introversion in team sports never works, unless you're some kind of child prodigy which can score a goal from the corner of your own field. I was also wasn't as gifted as other people, yeah sure you can argue that I am taller than your average filipino, but other people had determination. Cause really, its either I get it done in one try either out of luck or out of natural prowess or I fail doing something then I'd give up... forever.

Unfortuantely, I only realized that sports require so much determination only now. After the years where I was still in a high-caliber football team which could've spiced up my mojo. So nowadays I settle with inter-baranggay basketball games... which hopefully would make me feel like I was able to reedem my past failures.

My rookie year is also my last year, so its either I do good now or fail at sports. It seems like its something which suits my work ethic. So I have to work hard, even for something as small as inter-baranggay games. C'mon I've been a benchwarmer ever since and unfortuantely I cannot choose which activity should I reedem myself.

Although there's still the Thomasian Goodwill Games, which I can get to by joining the AB Football Team. I can take my Nigerian friends me, who will definitely be able to provide much needed help, which in turn might spice up my mojo!

so maybe college is the time where I can redeem myself from past failures. Maybe its not too late perhaps? and I started college on the wrong foot, I had so much bad calls... maybe this time there is hope.

No, wait... scratch that. There is always hope.

di ako lasing...

kahit ano pang gawin ni cesar anthony sollano at nung syota niyang si... uhmmm... noriko.. uhmmm... *checks facebook* usui... noriko usui

parang I was just playing along habang pinipilit nila kong shumat ng shumat. but hey, free dinks which tastes good anyway and doesn't feel like alcohol at all so nothing lost I suppose. pero sa bandang dulo ko na nalasahan yung alcohol dahil nasa ilalim pala yun, at matalino yung kasama ni cesar anthony sollano dahil tumigil na siyang shumat nung bandang dulo.

yeah she was japanese... and yeah she was very pretty. at di ko lang maintindihan kung baket may mga taong panget sa picture pero maganda sa personal.

pero ngayon ko lang naisip, I seem like I'm a better person pag amat. kasi parang mas open ako, as in rapid-fire chattiness. and really, the only time I'm as chatty as that is when I am with people I'm comfortable with in a comfortable environment. at pag di ako amat, tahimik ako at napaka-analytical... kumbaga napaparalisa na ko ng pag-analyze ko eh. analysis paralysis ba.

...so I suppose this is better than happy pills.. or placebos cause they don't work anyway.

can you go ask Alice when she's ten feet tall?

stonton

isang gabi naisipan kong basahin muli ang aking blag, at dun ko na-realize kung gano ka-incoherent ang mga entries ko. parang, shit man, kahit sarili kong gawa di ko maintindihan. kaya sobrang saludo ako sa mga regular na nagbabasa ng blag ko.

kasi parang pag tina-type ko yung mga entries ko, it all made sense to me. parang there was this grand idea in my head which I can't seem to convey through words. siguro kelangan kong gumamit ng ibang medium upang maipamahagi ang mga nasa isip ko. pero pwede ring di ko na lang ipamahagi dahil wala namang significance talaga ang sinasabi ko. tska shit di rin ako marunong gumamit ng punctuation marks! ngayon pa nga lang sobrang hirap na hirap na ko dahil di pa ko gumagamit ng isang ellipsis. siguro eto yung nararamdaman ng mga chain smokers pag di makapag-yosi ng matagal. pwede na 'to, ellipsis addiction, at least di na ko gagastos ng kung anu-ano pa. pero di nga lang ako nakaka-experience ng high

pero ayun, wala pa rin akong planong baguhin ang aking pagsusulat. dahil blag 'to at di ako nakakatanggap ng grade, kaya di ko kelangang karirin ang pag-sulat dito. tska kahit pag kinarir ko wala rin namang magbabasa eh. kung umabot man ng double digits ang regular readers ko, baka ma-pressure ako nun para mag-ayos, or pag pinopondohan nila ko.

tutal marami namang mas magaling na bloggers sa internet, at ang pag-blag ngayon ay ang pag-repost ng post iba... kaya para saan pa ba ang ginagawa ko?

ELLIPSIS!! dot dot dot...

power fluctuations

really.. its pretty irritating... not because the lights flicker every once in a while... but my computer dies... and shit... abruptly..

and its things like those which ruin the hard drive... cause I have a lot of important files which I wouldn't want gone... but I'm too lazy to get a backup drive... and besides a backup drive costs money...

I do not know why we're having this power fluctuations... I suppose it has something to do with Meralco and how they can't seem to get enough power for our country cause the dams are drying up and yeah... well has it occurred to them that the answer lies already in the problem? you have dams right? dams produce electricity by turbines powered by water flow right? and apparently there is a lack of water right? cause its drying up right? and its the heat which comes from the sun which dries it up right? and like.. there are photovoltaic modules.. more commonly known as solar panels which converts the rays of the sun into energy right? and the problem we have here is a lack of energy right? right? right? right?

or I dunno... my facts might be all wrong and shit.. cause yeah its not Meralco which provides the electricity to the whole country.. I've seen the commercials... yes installing or even shipping solar panels from europe or something costs a lot of money... which Meralco is already making us spend cause of whatever shit I was half-listening to on the news or whatever...

actually.. nevermind its just random rambling and stuff.. cause really I've lost hope for this country and the people in it...

cause like.. getting in touch with Manila.. the once historic city.. and seeing it today.. its like.. this isn't going nowhere.. no wait.. its actually going somewhere... downhill..

I'm pretty sure I'm part of the problem as well cause I am livin' it up like the quintessential Filipino... Juan Tamad.. I've accepted that I am doomed to this kind of life unless I get out of the country.. cause the opportunities in this country is pretty non-existent...

we've been raped by country after country ever since the dawn of time.. the philippines like some used up whore who can barely walk cause her pussy has been banged by thick foreign cocks.. we've been experiencing injustice after injustice and yet we're not doing something about it... yeah sure let's stage a demonstration and attain change.. yeah sure...

what we really need is progress... and you don't attain progress by doing People Power all over again... cause if that were the case then America should've been ridden with rally after rally per state...

yeah sure you can argue that change is a proponent for progress cause the current system ain't doing it for us... but should the blame always go to the system? don't you think that the problem really is at our end?

and we keep on going down the same path...

*after some meralco dudes went here to fix our power fluctuation problem*

so yeah... I read somewhere that if we're experiencing power fluctuations it has something to do with the wiring at our home... so yeah... that's fixed... what a coincidence... maybe the universe works in order to get things done.. like the Paulo Coelho line on The Alchemist.. yeah I read books.. occasionally..

but that doesn't make my previous statements false... right?

while my sitar gently resonates inside my head

most of the time the sound of a sitar droning keeps on playing in my head... ever since I got into the whole Beatles thing and George Harrison's integration of Indian overtones and shit.. sitars just go playing in my head... its either that or Only A Northern Song.. its like.. I'm perpetually suffering from LSS... thanks to George Harrison..

oh well.. at least its not like some K-Pop song playing over and over and over again... that'd be pretty fucked up

cause no one uses multiply anymore

so I am free to do whatever I want.. and nobody would care..

oh wait.. scratch that... a group of girls misread one of my blog entries a while back and they seemed to have been pissed.. so people still care about things in multiply... especially with anything which concerns their public image...

then it got me thinking... *now this is the part where you close this tab... cause nobody cares what I think.. except if its about other people* yeah... okay.. so yeah... no point in explaining anything cause everyone's off to Facebook or something...

I remember this line which goes something like "simple minds talk about other people.. normal kids talk about events.. and geniuses talk about.. something of a higher thing or whatever" so does that mean that the majority of the populace is simple minded?

well I guess so... cause when you look at how many consumers are in this world in comparison to the producers.. its pretty imbalanced... y'know.. like... there these few people who think of ways to help man kind... and a bunch of greedy fuckwads put prices tags on it... and then the masses go out and purchase those things.. that's how capitalism works.. yeah.. its evil but it works... that is why we have iPods and Blackberrys and shit..

cause its like... we get all these tech stuff not because it makes life easier anymore... well.. it used to... but... nowadays its just like the masses are driven to buy shit like those because their itching to get their hands on it..

and apparently I fail to see the point of getting into trends.. well.. err.. maybe I used to join the bandwagon... cause I remember when I was little.. everyone had this little cards we call 'tex' or something... I used to buy a ton of those stuff.. especially the one with the dragon ball thing.. then it went to those little motorized cars called Tamiya.. I had one of the most expensive Tamiyas back then... I remember having to dive onto the rough pavement cause it almost gone in to the sewers.. and looking back.. maybe it was a lesson on how even when I was a child I knew how valuable things are... but unfortunately I had a skewed perspective on value cause it was proportional to the object's price... and nowadays I don't think the value of something shouldn't be equated with its price... cause like the cheapest of meals can satisfy me more than overpriced meals along the bay area.. and like... people don't have price tags attached to them... and yet I get to pass by a lot of people everyday and most of them don't seem to matter to me... but I'm not saying that strangers have no value.. cause I like this lady.. I get to see her frequently at school.. and I dunno.. she makes me feel like no other stranger has made me felt before...

so yeah... after Tamiyas it went to Beyblades those overly decorated tops... tops.. like trumpo.. not clothing top... but yeah.. you get the idea... and again.. being financially capable I got one of the expensive ones.. the shit with like the magnets and it made me believe that it really work.. but now.. maybe it was just put there to drive the price up... cause cheap steel Beyblade knockoffs from Divisoria were able to beat the shit out of my Beyblade which costs ten times more... in a way... it kinda served as a metaphor.. for like.. the rich and poor kids.. and how the rich kids are worth more than poor kids (yeah.. ask your local kidnapper) but they're more fragile.. and a poor kid can whoop a rich kid's ass anytime..

then it went to Pokemon cards... I never got into Magic The Gathering cards.. cause I was little back then and the cutesy imagery Pokemon presented was more enthralling than Magic's.. and yeah.. being the privileged kid I was... I got the most expensive card I was able to get.. it was Charizard.. it was pretty expensive.. think $20.. now add the inflation rate.. and there you have it... and right now.. I kinda feel bad for my dad.. cause I fooled him into buying that.. and then I lost it a few hours later... cause it was a piece of cardboard and it can easily slip away or something... its amazing how such things can cost so much... but it was only until now that I realized how valuable it was.. cause back then I wasn't able to have much time with the card so I didn't had any attachment to it.. and I will sound like an asshole for this... but that's how I felt like with my grandparent's death... like.. the only time I cried was when I was forcing myself to.. it never occurred to me naturally to shed a tear cause I just had to... it was like I had to justify why I should cry and then tears fell...

so it occurred to me.. that maybe I was a kid with autism or asperger.. and I never had much emotional attachment to something or someone... I guess in some respect I should be glad that I am unable to mourn for the loss of whatever.. cause I don't have to go through the emotional breakdown.. but viewed from a different perspective.. I feel so out of place.. it sounds melodramatic but when others cry and I can't seem to.. I don't feel like I am able to connect with the people around.. I don't feel like I'm human..

so after that I just stopped buying things which are in season... although I bought a pair of hi-cut chuck taylors and vans slip ons before they were the fad...

and in retrospect.. I was driven to buy those toys.. because it was something everyone had and it allowed me to connect and interact with the society I was aware of.. and being humans we are driven to find a place where we belong... and right now I'm not in a position to join the bandwagon and just do or get whatever is the fad just to belong... I won't join the crowd if I am not fit for it... so I'd rather look for a group of people where I can be myself without having to force myself to buy or do things just so I can belong...

but yeah.. the philippines is just one small dot in a bigger dot called the earth which is part of one huge void called the universe

what was I talking about originally?

jumble bee

I hate repeating myself... really

but all I seem to do in life is to do the same things over and over again... say the same things again and again...

cause when I look at things from afar... I see how repetitive life is... and how it doesn't seem to make sense... thus leading to my cynical disposition.. I've already derailed myself from the path to greatness... I do not think at this juncture I can still live up to my supposed potential... I blew every opportunity... at this state I am just lucky being able to study in a top university in the country and not doing summer classes..

and I've had it with regrets... I'm done with regrets... yeah sure there are a lot of things to be regretful about... but there comes a point where you don't see the point anymore...

don't get me wrong... I am not snuffing it... I am just view myself at a pseudo-enlightened state where in I understand how things work now... and how life doesn't make sense... we just try to see the sense in it.. like... we try to come up with patterns out of the most random things... but really... its just us reading too much in to it...

but who am I to proclaim bible truth... I'm just an undergrad.. middle class kid.. not affiliated with anyone in public office... no power over the people...

then argument becomes... maybe its me reading too much in to it?

pers year part 2

at kumpleto na ang grades ko ngayong sican sem..

Subject Name	Description	Grade
ENG 2	READING & THINKING SKILLS FOR ACADEMIC STUDY	2.5
MATH 101	COLLEGE ALGEBRA	2.75
PGC	PHIL GOVERNMENT AND CONSTITUTION	2.0
PHL 2	LOGIC	2.75
LIT 102A	PHILIPPINE LITERATURES	2.5
HST 101	HISTORY OF CIVILIZATION I	2.0
ECO 202	PHILIPPINE ECONOMIC HISTORY	3.0
THY 2	CHURCH AND SACRAMENTS	3.0
PE	BASIC VOLLEYBALL	2.0

there is an across the board decrease in grades... and it is not the best thing ever..

because.. really.. I want to transfer to the UP Film Institute.. but my dad wants me to go to law school and shit... yeah sure.. I'm fine with going into law school I'd beat those motherfuckers up.. but I feel like I should be taking up Film or any other visual art course which isn't at CSB..

but with a GWA of 2.422... I'd find it difficult I suppose.. very difficult.. cause I heard that the required GWA is 2.. and my theology and PE subjects won't be credited.. so... that's good and bad.. considering that my lowest grades come from Theo 1 and Theo 2.. and because my highest grade was from PE 1.. PE 2 was so-so...

and I'd also like to really study in college.. cause with my class.. I still feel like I'm in a substandard high school.. well maybe when I am with some of my favorite classmates I do get to feel that college vibe.. but during the 4-6 hours in class.. it feels like high school... I guess its the uniform or the attitude... but it all feels like high school to me...

I can't blame them I suppose.. they're fresh from high school.. or maybe I just need to deal with people of different upbringing... cause its fucking difficult..

the people around me are generally unable to read between the lines... they tend to not understand what I am implying... its fucking difficult.. I find solace in the fact that some people do know how to read between the lines and understand my sarcasm and my humor... but really.. college seem worse than high school...

or maybe I need a change of scenery... dabble in the conservatory.. shift to applied physics.. go for philosophy.. or get out of the university altogether...

some people would be happier... I suppose..

greetking

simula siguro nung nag-peysbuk na ko ay exponential ang increase ng mga bumati saken...

sa kapanahunan ng prenster at multiply ay wala gaanong bumabati... siguro kasi di ganun ka-laki ang linalaan ng panahon ng mga tao sa prenster at multiply keysa peysbuk.. kaya di nila natatanggap ang mga birthday reminders... or sadyang simple ang proseso ng pag-bati sa peysbuk kaya mas marami akong natatanggap...

ayos naman

di katulad ng last year.. di ko bibilangin ang mga bumati saken.. sapagkat hassle na lang ito at di na nakakatuwa... tska as if naman may mga magbabasa pa nito

kaya ang nais ko lang naman ipaabot sa mga bumati at sa mga di nakakaalam na bertdey ko pala kahapon.. eh.. ano.. uhmm.. age is just a number... haha.. and birthdays are overrated

siguro kung nabuhay ako sa isang mundo kung saan di ipinagdiriwang ang mga kaarawan.. tulad ng mundo ng The Giver ni Lois Lowry.. di ako madidismaya...

or sadyang bitter lang ako dahil wala naman kasing nangyayari sa mga kaarawan ko kaya parang normal na araw na lang ito saken...

and... nothing ever seem to make sense.. or at least we try to make sense out of the random occurrences of life.. and it turns out to be some fantastic story which we create and shit

drama rama

pero di.. joke lang

naisip ko na ring maging altruistic... kaya nagpakain ako at nagimbita ako ng mga kaibigan.. siguro simula na yun... eventually sana ito'y mag-snowball

because most often than not.. I feel empty... things which should or shouldn't feel good.. don't affect me at all.. or maybe it does but I don't feel anything... I feel numb... but when I become altruistic... I don't feel as empty.. no, I do not have suicidal tendencies... I am waaaaaaaay past that stage.. I just always feel empty.. like life doesn't seem to have any purpose..

yes there are things which I am supposed to do.. like graduate, get my own place, and be financially independent... but it all seems routine.. its something that everyone else does.. and I don't want life to be some huge cliche.. which is the case for everyone I suppose...

its stupid really.. to not conform... because you already know what works.. but I dunno... I just don't want to be like everyone else.. but apparently my course choice says otherwise.. the mere fact that I am studying in college says otherwise.. if I really don't want to be just like everyone else.. I should get into the mountains and write as much as I'd want to and maybe I'll turn into this post-post-post modern philosopher or some shit...

I dunno... nothing ever makes sense... when you're looking at your feet

happy bitterday

oo bitter ako pag bertday... di kasi ako mahilig na gini-greet ako sa bertday... ewan ko ba kung baket... siguro kasi ayaw ko ng feeling na parang star ako... taong sidelines kasi ako eh.. at mahiyain.. unless naka-down na ng ilang drinks

intially plano ko sanang burahin ang bawat wall post sa peysbuk ko na i-gree-greet ako ng happy birthday... dahil bitter nga ako.. haha.. pero nung nakita ko na pati si Bea Dawn Casabar nag-greet... parang... waw.. err... I haven't talked to her in ages.. and.. yeah...

parang naisip ko.. minsan na nga lang kami magusap tas i-de-delete ko pa...

pero tae.. minsan lang ako magkaroon ng wall post sa peysbuk eh.. mga update lang sa Playstation Network trophies.. kaya parang nung kapanahunan ng presnter.. kung saan buong taon akong may testimonial na may nakasulat na happy birthday na nakadisplay sa profile ko... nakakairita lang isipin na buong taon na ipapaalala sa'yo na pag birthday ka lang inaalala ng mga tao... at sa buong taon ay walang mag-bibigay sa'yo ng testimonial.. every april 7 lang talaga.. tapos happy birthday lang rin nakasulat.. tae.. magpopost ulet ng happy birthday sa testimonial only para matanggal yung mga last year's happy birthday testimonials na naka-display sa profile mo...

the sad state of being a non-sociable person... kaya dapat di nag-so-social networking sites ang mga katulad kong tahimik na nilalang eh.. kasi lalong mapapatunayan na walang pumapansin saken.. kahit magpapansin pa ko...

at kung meron mang pumansin... isa o dalawa lang.. swerte na ko pag may tatlong taong pumansin...

the internet perpetually holds my youth

is it too late to realize that?

apparently multiply isn't the most private thing on the web.. nothing is every private on the web actually.. every bit of information stored in a network.. the next god

unfortunately I haven't been putting my best foot forward on the internets and eventually deranged people with nothing else better to do can dig up dirt on me... cause online I am this sick freak which blurts out an almost infinite amount of randomness

so I don't think I can be this big leftist hero I dream to be.. cause I've been immortalized on the web.. or at least the jackassery of my early youth.. nobody wants a jackass leftist revolutionary do we? oh wait... all of them are

so it leads me to wonder... should I be afraid of people digging up all of those dirt? I seem to be full of dirt on my own but with more dirt it will only cascade into one big piece of crap

not unless I become public property I suppose.. but being heavily involved with the internet I already am public property.. with all the information I put into friendster, multiply, myspace and facebook..

we, the users of social networking sites, are guinea pigs... the internet is fairly new.. and who knows how the information we put into these sites can be used against us?

and so I pose the question... how important is information?

without information what happens? with information in the wrong hands... what happens?

I am not afraid of my stupid antics of past be used against me... people can try to assassinate me as much as they would want to.. I am only little...

but what I am afraid of is what happens on a bigger scale... do we lose privacy thanks to the internet?

...how valuable is privacy really?

pers year in retrospect part 1

so yeah... I didn't fail any subjects this year... no summer classes to attend to... goodbye for now 1eco1

looking back... being a freshman again wasn't the best experience... but certainly isn't the worst.. this school year had its ups and downs... but being the optimistic fuck that I truly am, I see the beauty in a lot of things with bambi eyes and child-like naivete..

this year had no challenges.. really.. no matter how difficult things seemed to be... class was easy as a four to six hour class could get.. homeworks were almost non-existent.. quizzes were as simple as primary school... and the fucking exams were easier than what I took in high school... everything was a breeze... maybe except the 1st sem economics recitation under ma'am Estacio.. which was as nerve wracking as Atty. Lorenzo's socratic method of teaching.. my 2nd sem theology professor Atty. Dator didn't do justice to the teaching method used in law schools.. he was borderline irrational.. he seems to ask for opinions with questions such as "is God real?" but he was pretty much asking for St. Thomas Aquinas' Quinta Viae.. that was fucking frustrating.. and I got a grade of fucking 3 from him...

the only hurdle for me was the ever so present lethargic disposition I've always had... I can never seem to get rid of that.. and because of it there were perceived challenges which weren't really there at all to begin with...

the kids in my class were generally bearable.. with some exceptions.. but not to worry the tolerant fuck is here to tolerate everything in this world... because life ends at 20...

but yeah.. there were a bunch of cool cats in class... the first one I was able talk to was Luis Mata... the motocross dude from Davao who hated everything in manila.. although I seemed to have fucked up and he hated me eventually... oh well.. lesson learned I suppose.. but even if that kid hates my guts I wouldn't hate his.. cause he reminded me of an old friend of mine...

the next cool cat would be Zai Seng Kaew.. the Burmese guy which a bunch of girls hated cause of his stench.. I can't blame them.. even I had my apprehensions.. but after putting on some roll on he was of the most intellectual guys I've ever talked to... its maybe because he's 24 already.. but its just amazing how intellectual our lunch conversations would get.. but I heard he's planning on transferring to Hong Kong University or something... so another cool cat down the drain...

yes steady eddie, I am using jazz lingo..

among the many ladies in class... Trizzia Marie Lim is probably one of my favorites.. yeah.. she's a cool cat... she and I don't seem to hang out at all.. but there is something about her that makes me click with her effortlessly.. like.. I can be myself with her and not feel like some douchebag.. maybe its something with kids of Benedictine upbringing or whatever but she's definitely a cool cat..

and the last cool cat this year is my black friend Richmond Akalugwa.. I kinda view him as the better version of me.. although I do not have aspiration on being black.. I want to look like some pacific islander kid.. but yeah.. he and I share a lot of simillarities but at the same time have a lot of differences.. its a good mix really.. and that makes him a cool cat

..but yeah.. I started doing this blog entry at around 8 in the morning.. and its 4PM.. I've been distracted too much.. I need to do part 2

summer, please do not bore me...

you've pretty much heard it more than a thousand times that summer tends to be boring...

and desolate... really.. cause I haven't had much contact with the human race.. the only times I get to talk is when I blurt out a half-witted remark about something on TV.. which nobody reacts to...

I really need to go back to school.. walk around the 21 and a half hectares of land.. under the searing heat... and eat as much cheap meals I could.. and go to my nigerian friend's pad... and sleep on his couch... while he blasts loud hip hop beats which seems pretty effective when I need to doze off for a while...

unfortunately, along with no human contact except my family.. I also have to live below the poverty line... cause it sucks.. to not be able to go to other people's houses because you have to spend so much just to get there... and so much more just to go back home...

so I don't have anyone to talk to... no money to spend... and no sponsors for any of my oh so very fun activities...

the only thing I can do is playstation, kick a small ball around my bedroom, use my mum's laptop while she's not around cause my PCs broken, and eat... and sleep.. and read whatever stuff there is in my other room.. unfortunately its such a chore to read The Absolute Sandman cause it feels like I'm gonna tear a page off every time I turn it...

the good part about all of this is I can enjoy the scenery... blue skies, green green grass of home, and the cold wind... cold wind yeah.. its summer time!

maybe I need to get a job or something.. or something to do.. something worthwhile.. cause ever since I graduated high school life doesn't seem to be worth living anymore.. I'm not going all emo and shit here... life is getting boring and stuff... opportunities in this country is way below zero and I am lazy as fuck so that plus that is one big waste of resources...

well I can sleep I suppose.. and go into the dream world.. maybe there I'll be able to see the girl I like so much... cause apparently I dreamt of her last night and I was able to talk to her.. something I might not be able to do in real life unless I've downed some drinks already... getting all chatty and confident and shit...

speaking of the girl I like so much.. I was able to find out her name and other things about her.. I did some detective work.. cause I am an online super sleuth.. I won't be revealing any other information about her here cause I've already committed some security breach.. and I wouldn't want to reveal too much of my identity... so allow me to call her the girl I like so much...

and I am going to sleep.. hoping to see her there cause life is boring here

ang stirero kong kaklase... bow

di ako directly involved sa mga panche-chenes ng mga kaklase ko kay James Louis Vital.. ang compulsive liar...

pero nakikita ko ang development sa isyu... nababasa ko ang mga usapan ng mga kaklase ko sa peysbuk at other stuff... kaya itong blag entry na to ay tungkol lamang sa stirero kong kaklase at ang kanyang demise...

Ang Stirero Kong Kaklase
sa panunulat ni: Boyet Poblacion
based on factual events

         ako'y isang studyante ng uste... isang undergraduate, liberal arts major sa economics... at ako'y may isang kaklase.. isang kaklaseng mahilig magkwento.. isang kaklaseng may malawak na imahinasyon.. at isang kaklaseng may problema.

...siya si James Louis Vital.. at ang tawag ng mga kaklase ko sa kanya ay James ngunit mas gusto ko siya tawaging Vital... kung baket ganun? nakakatamad pang i-justify.. at kung malaman niyo man ang dahilan ay wala itong significant na maitutulong sa development ng kwentong ito... dahil ano ba naman ang paki niyo sa iniisip ko kung ang storyang ito'y tungkol sa mga ginagawa ni Vital.

May ipapakita siyang picture, siya at isang babaeng sobrang puti.. old school.. naka-print pa.. mapapansin mo kaagad na ito'y lumang letrato.. nung panahon na uso pa ang mga de-film na camera.. sasabihin ni Vital na syota niya yun.. model daw ng icool na chewing gum.. at graduating student sa FEU..

barely legal

and in a few days that won't be the case... cause the age of consent here in the Philippines is 18.. right?

but yeah.. I won't be throwing some crap ass uninspired event or whatever.. I'd stay at home.. feed people.. let them play rock band or singstar or fight night.. something of the sort... I'd like my birthday to be about me... the altruistic me which doesn't show himself except ever once a year... which seems to be it...

meh.. I kinda don't want to call it a birthday or something.. sounds childish or something... lets just call it April 7... cause it kinda sounds cool and all with the number and the ambiguous meaning and shit...

but yeah... as it has always been April 7 will remain to be an underground elitist event.. so like... I won't be reminding everyone to go... I'd do things nonchalantly so I get to separate those who care from those who join bandwagons and stuff...

and as it has always been.. I will conceptualize shit on my blog which will never come to fruition but still.. if it were true that'd be kickass wouldn't it?

since I'd be 18.. and yes I am old and can buy magazines and liquor and can now go into movie houses which requires you to have tissues.. I feel like serving liquor.. although I wouldn't want anyone to get drunk... just high or a bit chatty.. no throwing up and shit... cause if you did.. I'd make every guest to kick you hard in the nuts..

and since I don't want anyone to get drunk.. the liquor budget will be spent on something which totally drain it in one purchase... so I am torn between Jagermeister and Hennessy...

since I love food and eating food.. I want April 7 to be more about the tastebud experience and less about who's celebrating it... so I'm thinking of serving my all time favorite dishes on the day even if they're not coherent or something...

so I'd be ordering in bulk from Mang Tootz.. like sisg and banana rama and shit... and I'd be serving some Mirjam style mashed potatoes.. then serve an extremely cheesy pizza on soft tortilla with lotsa blue cheese.. man that'd be awesome..

cause really now.. I'd like the activities on April 7 to have an underlying meaning.. like some symbolic type of shit..

so here's a little game... can you tell me the significance of those things to me and why?

nagrereview sana ako...

...pero math exam ko bukas at babagsak naman ako..

tska na-distract ako sa mga kaklase kong binabash ang kaklase kong compulsive liar... itago na lang natin ang kaklase kong compulsive liar sa pangalang James Louis Vital...

at marami siyang kwentong barbero.. at naiirita ang mga kaklase niya... pero ako hinde...

ewan.. namanhid na siguro ako sa mga compulsive liars.. kaya parang saken balewala na lang yung pagsisinungaling nung kaklase kong yun.. kaya pinapabayaan ko na lang yung mga kaklase kong pagusapan siya... dahil ayaw kong maging parte ng downfall ng isang tao... I am a nice guy and girls just like that.. okay.. TV reference na di mo siguro nagets...

mas mainam na yung tao na mismo sumira sa sarili niya.. at siya lang talaga.. wala nang ibang sisira sa kanya dahil... why kick someone who is already down?

love eat

blog

...I shall try to revive you.

no, this won't be politically charged.. cause I'm too stoned to even think...

pero di ko gets kung ano kinalaman ng mga nagawa o gagawin ni Bong Revilla sa senado dun sa campaign chorva niya sa TV... parang.. hello? litrato ng mga taong natapatan ng camera kaya ngumingiti? mga Ondoy pictures lang ata pinapakita niya dun eh... pero seriously... ikaw idol ko... tapos? legislator ka? di ko gets men kung pano mo gagawin trabaho mo...

buti pa yung patalastas ni Ralph Recto eh... nandun yung gagawin niya in yellow and red... kaso nga lang may sinabi siya tungkol sa bababa ang persyo? teka.. ayon sa fuzzy memory ko sa basic economics mabuti sa bansa na tumataas ang presyo ng mga bilihin... inflation ata tawag dun... kita mo nga amerika antaas ng presyo ng mga bilihin nila eh... maganda naman ekonomiya nila... o baka may mga mas nakakaalam sa topic na yan.. hopefully sana economics major rin

waw.. andami ko na palang na-type...

plano ko lang sana chuimka tungkol sa buhay ko at sa posibleng pag-summer class ko... pero crap.. wala na ko sa mood mag-kwento...

alright! gesundheit!

I am not a fan of Noynoy...

...but I'd vote for him

I was never really a fan of expecting people in government do to much for the betterment of our lives. I have always believed in the power of the private sector, and by private sector I mean the tycoons of foreign descent... and the richest pure filipino is a politician.

anyway

I'd vote for Noynoy not because I want to see him in office... cause honestly I'd really be voting Erap just for the heck of it... I'd be voting for Noynoy because I don't want Villar to win...

Villar's victory in the coming elections will prove that once again we filipinos are easily swayed by gimmicky advertising... thus proves that we haven't learned from our mistakes..

although even if Villar wins, I don't think it'll be the end of the world.. although the frequent earthquakes seem to suggest that the Mayan prophecy might be true..Villar will definitely use his powers as head of state to benefit his businesses... "kung gusto pang yumaman pa, babalik na lang ako sa pagkanegosyante".. oh yeah? I dare you to stop all operations from all businesses you own or involved with..

the scary part of him winning the elections and him proposing more projects to benefit his businesses is that the Villar name could probably become more prominent than any other clan in the Philippines.. thus perpetuating Villar's hold on the filipinos.. its like Marcos and the Conjugal Dictatorship part 2

but what I am really afraid.. or maybe not afraid.. like.. will be saddened when Villar wins is that it proves how the power of the mass media can do a good job of brainwashing or mind controlling us... we are under the power of radio signals

an evil guy seated in the government can be ousted with the people power. but when its the media we are talking about.. its something out of science fiction...

and when science fiction turns into reality.. now that is scary...

uber helfen

tangina...

di ko ma-ayos ang sarili kong buhay... ewan ko ba kung baket... tangina talaga

siguro dahil lang ito sa kalayaang kaakibat ng pagiging college student.. pero shit.. di talaga ako pwede sa ganito... sobrang malaya ako at sobrang dami ng distractions...

o baka sadyang natatakot lang ako kaya di ako makapag-focus... ayaw ko sanang mag-summer... kung pwede lang sana.. bumagsak ako tapos di ako magsusummer... kasi shit.. grades lang yan eh... paki ba ng kumpanyang pagtatrabahuhan ko pag may 5-6 years na ko ng working experience sa transcirpt of records ko... tangina talaga

napapatagalog at napapamura ako sa blag ko.. kaya seryoso na talaga ako.. although mas muka pa atang seryoso ang tono ko pag ingles ang blag entries ko... whatever...

puta... sobrang nagsasayang ako ng oras eh... alas kwatro na dito.. at kaninang alas siyete ng umaga plano ko sana eh mag-aral ako ng math buong araw... mula grade school math hanggang college algebra.. pero sa kalagitnaan.. nawalan ako ng pag-asa at tumigil na ko...

di epektibo ang plano kong takutin ang sarili sa pamamagitan ng pagkakaroon ng bagsak na prelim grade... kaya kelangan ko ng dominatrix.. haha... shit.. kahit anong pilit kong gawin di ko talaga kaya mag-seryoso sa buhay...

tanginang laki ng problema ko sa buhay amputa...

isa akong malaking patapon... promising sana ako nung grade school eh.. andaming mga teacher na nagsasabi saken na matalino naman daw ako at kaya ko daw mag top one... putang ina... dahil dun mas lalo ako naging complacent.. putang ina.. I lost the will to prove something because people were telling me I had the potential... and it somewhat made me feel like I was able to prove something... though it may not be manifested by awards or whatever.. but in some way it existed...

kaya I don't blame anyone... hearing those things from my past teachers telling me that I had the potential made me think that they might be saying that to every other kid...

sounds like self-pity I guess... I dunno what to call it... but yeah.. I am one of the world's disappointments... but I'm pretty sure there are a lot of other people like me... people who had the potential but because of the lack of discipline wasn't able to live up to what people expected from them...

I think at the end of the day... it is one's discipline that matters.. no matter how intelligent a person is they will falter without discipline...

is it too late to have discipline? and how does one develop or get it? is it something which comes from within or something an external entity should impose?

I fucking need to get out of Economics and get into Philosophy

broken spatial scene

I need serious help... seriously...

on my own I can't seem to function properly.. especially when I have to deal with math subjects and the threat of doing summer classes..

math seems easy.. y'know.. there's just a huge gap in my brain which hinders me from solving equations...

or I dunno... I did well in my Physics during my senior year...

I dunno what the fuck is my problem.. really... like... I find it easy to solve mathematical problems which I can relate to in real life.. but put a set of fucking symbols in front of me and tell me to simplify that motherfucker... then I'd be fucking clueless...

the math I have trouble with is the math which doesn't seem to have any relevance in my life... like algebra and whatever fuck there is in my math book...

I wish I can go back to senior year and do more Physics.. at least that is something which makes sense.. something practical... but I'm doomed to do math until god knows when since I am an economics major... next year it will be calculus and some investment math or statistics or whatever... but at least investment math makes sense... statistics is better than algebra.. and calculus? err.. it has something to do with algebra.. but how bad could it possibly be? it has graphs and all..

although it also occurred to me that students study algebra not because of the (lack of) practicality...  but because it develops our ability to comply to rules.. which is in a structured environment (ie workplace) is ideal... because free spirited individuals are better off being entrepreneurs than rank and file...

although I think some, if not most, of my classmates are passing math because they help each other by sharing answers to quizzes and homeworks and exams... that's commendable.. seriously... its true that it develops teamwork.. an important skill in the workplace... but it also fosters an unethical work ethic...

that's why I was too lazy to copy assignments from others during the prelims... cause I had this notion that I must keep my integrity... but I got fucked and now I am forced to go against my belief... but oh well.. life is screwed up anyway... there is no point in living anymore

raba spit

a life of balance is doomed to be a boring one...

so I guess I should get used to how things which makes me very happy will eventually lead to an extremely harrowing situation which I should juggle with daily routine...

its that or I live a life in between everything.. no pain to experience and consequently, no memorable experiences which makes life worth living...

so I say I live a life of passions and hurt and not to stay in between... otherwise I'll be wasting years of my relatively short life... I don't want to waste time anymore... cause on the streets are so many possibilities to not be alone...

and I believe I'm ready... I've had my generous share of things not working out... and if failure does make us strong.. then I am ready...

but if its the will and determination to get out of such quagmire.. then I am in doubt... I either slyly get through things without working hard for it or I fail..

I need to start to work hard... otherwise the limited extent of my cunning will depend on the opportunities and luck which comes my way