things seem...

pretty...

pretty much downhill... I guess... I dunno... really...

no... its too early for things to get messed up...

again... I am not happy with what I am eating lately... again... I am not happy with my daily commute... and again... I am not happy with things that I can't seem to do... that I really should do...

there'll always be something there to prevent me from doing the things I really want to do.... as with everyone else I guess...

or I dunno... I can't really be too sure...

you're pretty... you're not smart... but I can learn from you... people with long hair have no business dealing with you... really... unless they're women...

gravity is a bitch... and as long as there is a crust... I will never fall and burn straight right into the core...

...and that is how this idea was drilled into my head

later than never

I might as well sleep dahil may klase pa ko bukas at kukulangin ako sa tulog ng bonggang bongga...

but blogging helps me sleep.. well... after a cabernet it does...

studying economics... lost its charm when I got out of ser Sigua's class... its like.. he's one of those teachers who seem to make certain things interesting... and now... economics is just.. graphs.. and math... and shit...

I might change majors to Philosophy.. philosophical shit has always been my passion... in case you haven't noticed yet... yeah...

or I dunno... maybe I'm just bored with life and I don't feel like doing what everyone else does and suck it up and stick with my decision...

but seriously... I don't wanna be like the many people I've known who really really really wanted to take up philosophy but they were unable to due to... whatever circumstance...

err.. okay.. I just know of two people... but thats a big number! its not like you meet people who want to take up philosophy everyday... or I dunno.. most people would want to earn money... and they do that by getting a degree and presenting yourself to the employers or something...

but me? I'm fine with minimum wage... as long as I can sustain my needs and my parents will still pay for the electricity, water, and internet bills... I can pretty much survive...of course I can work as a freelance writer and do articles for small time tabloids... and yeah... I don't know where I was going with that thought... scratch that...

or I can work as a call center agent or something... that's where most people end up in right? at least I earn big.. while endangering my life with a broken circadian rhythm.. but the thing is... who'd want to live that long? I'm not an alcoholic, I don't smoke, and I haven't done drugs yet... sooooo.. working in a call center wouldn't be that bad I guess...

whatever...

I really wanna be a buddhist monk... seriously.. I wanna be the new buddha... and I won't be that fat guy with long arms and an unsheathed penis... but yeah... I think my worldly desires are just a diversion for whatever calling I seem believe in... you give me a chance to become enlightened or at least a path to enlightenment... I'd be willing to live a monk's life... but please let me bring my music with me... I don't listen to music because it makes me look cool that I listen to bands that nobody else listens to... I do it because it keeps me from jumping on the train tracks...

my desire to be a buddhist monk is like a jedi thing... just without the lightsabers and the force and sith and bad remakes of the trilogy... and of course without the Yoda telling me to "unlearn" whatever I know of... because... y'know.. we got monks here.. but they ain't no dudes wanting to be enlightened... and again... I really don't know where I'm going to with this...

I'm sleeping... peace out niggers

please please please

third quarter na ng uste-ateneo game habang ginagawa ko 'tong first line na 'to...

at ayaw ko na panoorin ang 4th quarter...

nakaka-stress lang panoorin...

La Salle should've won against NU..

La Salle-Ateneo game in the final four would've been better..

but yeah... di rin ito yung iniisip ko bago ko panoorin yung uste-ateneo game.. I was actually expecting a win for UST dahil wala si Salva sa ateneo at bumalik na si Maliksi sa uste... handicapped na yun ah! pero mas experienced ang team ng ateneo sa game na 'to... rookies galore ang uste eh... inaasahan kong mag-ba-back to back championship ang ateneo... pero next year... meh... wala na silang rabeh at yung isa pang matangkad... sure.. high scoring pa rin ang ateneo.. pero dapat may makuha silang tall guy.. more or less import mula sa ibang bansa o sa probinsya mangagaling yun.. dahil wala naman atang magagandang prospects mula sa juniors ng NCAA.. di ko lang alam sa juniors ng UAAP...

UST should develop its rookies next year for a championship-material team on 2011.. in line with their quadricentennial... kahit isang championship lang habang nasa uste ako... please lang...

ateneo is a good team... UST was... quite meh... pero for the next few seasons.. I am not expecting ateneo to win championships... unless mamentain ng ateneo marketability ng basketball team nila at makakuha sila ng mga magagaling na rookies...

natalo na Houston Rockets ko earlier this year.. tapos talo na pati ang UST Growling Tigers ko!

please lord... please.. please.. please.. please.. please.. please lang talaga lord...

sana wag matalo Beda!

ultrasober

after three and a half muchos downed... by Ezekiel Ponce

I am still in a state of controlled consciousness...

di katulad ni Ponce...

na gumagawa ng madramang kanta... dahil, after two muchos, may iniibig pala siya...

na kung sinu-sino na tinawagan... dahil, after three muchos, siya daw ang may ari ng Globe...

na sinusukahan ako sa likod... dahil, after three and a half muchos, di na niya alam ang ginagawa niya...

kasalanan ba ang maging dahilan kung baket malalasing ang kaibigan ko? pumunta lang naman ako sa bahay nila para tumugtog... at biglang may nagpakita na dalawang mucho... tapos gagawa daw kami ng kanta... tapos ako nag-provide ng riff at siya yung kumanta sa dilim habang may rosaryo sa likod.. at kinantahan ang kanyang chicks... na di niya akalaing may ganung pagtingin pala siya sa kanya... ika nga ni George Harrison "its all in the mind"

tapos nung na-realize niyang di lang basta testosterone gumagana sa kanya... kaya naisipan niyang bumili pa ng isang mucho... anlakas daw namin.. dahil naka-mucho daw kami.. na siya naman ang uminom... basically.. ang ingay niya nung naglalakad kami mula bahay niya papuntang buenas... anghihina daw ng mga kaklase niya.. dalawang gin bilog ata yung sinasabi niya.. tapos wasak na daw sila... kaya sinasabi ni Ponce "dapat malakas kayo... dahil galing kayo ng SAN BEDA"

waw... ganun ba talaga kalakas sa inuman ang bedista? alam ko sa pagkain lang eh...

pero yeah... I was still sober nung semi-lasing na si Ponce.. dahil maliit na lalagyan ng Piknik ang ginawa kong baso.. dahil wala nang baso..

but yeah.. he wasn't making any sense... but he was very chatty.. sobrang chatty eh.. tinawagan niya kung sinu-sino... at pinayuhan niya ang kapatid niya na mas masama mag-dota keysa uminom...

tama naman siguro.. dahil ang pag-inom.. andyan na yan since the dawn of man's ability to create beer...

whatever.. I am not making sense... I am still sober.. yeah.. just... sleepy...

smart people live longer

disclaimer: dadaist blog entry

it will always be difficult to understand the mind of others... but it'll always be easy to read what it wants to say...

because you can make any dish spicy except hard boiled eggs... and you can make every meal filling with a bottle of ale...

but there will come a time that what you're doing becomes a crime... and your friends will turn on you because they realized that they were blind...

in the end it will not matter how many people you have flattered... because it'll always be the good deeds that your friends won't remember...

unlike your enemies who will cherish every act you commit unto him...

if singing without inhibitions was a mortal sin... then God should banish me to hell after screaming LSD...

and when muslims call Allah and Picasso will paint Mohammad... then always expect injustice because you are always wrong with faith...

unless you send all stupid people into space... smart people like you will forever live longer

cameraphone run

may bago akong celpon.. at yung celpon na yun ay may kamera...

at pag binigyan mo ko ng camera... kung anu-ano ang nakukuhanan ko...

sony ericsson cybershot whatever
no flash

burmalunch

pinipilit ko si claudia carbonell na pumunta sa museum kanina para makausap siya ni eduardo gaspar ng masinsinan...

pero dahil ayaw ni claudia.. at wala akong makasama.. I stumbled upon Zai Sang Kaew, Lazing Kum Jali, and Roca... ang mga burmese friends ko...

bumuntot ako sa kanila hanggang bigla na lang akong nasa jeep papunta sa bahay nila... haha

pero una eh.. pumunta kaming Puregold para bumili ng pang-grocery nila... grabe.. umabot agad ng libo ang pinang-grocery nila.. kahit fruits at processed meat lang yun.. grabe... gets ko na tuloy kung pano mamuhay ng mag-isa...

but wait.. there's more!

nung nakapunta ako sa lugar nila.. dun ko talaga nafeel kung pano ang buhay ng mag-isa lang.. grabe...

their place was very messy... I can't describe.. you just have to get there to really understand it... basta imagine... a pad for drug dealers or something.. hahaha..

tatlo sila.. at hiwa-hiwalay ang rooms nila... at makikita mo talaga ang personalidad nila sa itsura ng room nila...

nauna ako sa room ni Jali Lazing... grabe.. puro bote ng hard liquor.. puro containers ng peanuts na puno ng upos ng sigarilyo.. puro mga ubos na kaha ng iba't ibang sigarilyo... kalat ang medyas... may desk.. at may desktop computer na may CRT monitor... at may kama sa sahig... madumi siya kung sa madumi.. pero di ako nandiri... sabi ko nga kila seng kaew "this place is very interesting, and just because I said interesting doesn't mean its beautiful"

pero yeah.. napansin ko.. I see the beauty in even the most ugliest things... or I dunno... sa mga circumstances pessimist ako eh.. pero pag sa visual stimulus and what not.. optimistic ako para makita ang taglay na beauty nito... or whatever..

anyway...

sumunod na kwartong binisita ko ay kay Roca... na di ko alam full name.. di kasing dumi ng room ni jali.. pero may isang malaking container siya ng dilis.. may bote siya ng jack daniel's.. marami siyang hygiene stuff.. may laptop siya.. ang dating bote ng wine eh ginawang lalagyan ng barya... at ang kama'y nasa sahig... mas neat ang room keysa kay jali.. walang upos ng sigarlyo kung saan saan... pero halatang room pa rin ng male college student..

nung napunta ako sa room ni seng kaew... its bigger than the other two.. and my gad.. its the most organized... grabe... parang di panlalaki... pero pansin naman sa personalidad niya.. na organisado siyang nilalang... walang alak.. walang upos ng yosi... pang normal na bahay...

they invited me for lunch.. nagluto sila ng asparagus something, itlog na maalat na may sibuyas, at squid... lahat ng linuto nila.. maanghang! grabeeeeeeeee... keber naman yung anghang.. di lang ako sanay...

naghanda na rin sila ng tig-iisang bote ng red horse... wala kasing tubig eh.. haha..

apat kaming may tig iisang bote ng red horse.. pero si jali.. may iba pang alak sa table eh.. di ko alam kung ano.. pero nakita ko 35% yung alcohol whatever... istreyt lang siya eh.. ankulet.. lahat ata ng mga alak sa kwarto niya eh... istrteyt na.. pang tunay na lalaki talaga..

kaya pagkatapos ng meal eh ambigat ng feeling ng tiyan ko.. satisfied? oo...

pagktapos naming kumain eh nagkaroon kami ng diskusyon ni seng kaew tungkol sa relihiyon at politics at kung ano ba talaga ang biggest mall sa buong mundo.. just what I love talking about... habang nanood ng porn si Roca sa laptop niya.. at nanood ng porn si Jali sa desktop PC niya.. kaya angweird.. kasi parang mature na usapan kami ni seng kaew.. tapos mga gawaing pang adolescent yung kasama namin...

matapos eh.. sumakay ako ng jeep papuntang sm sta mesa para makasakay ng lrt... and home sweet home...

tapos talo beda sa jru.. huhuhu

pero anyway.. my stay in the burmese people's house was quite fun... I'd like to go there once again...

almer's: love forever gone

kumain ulet ako sa Almer's kanina...

para lang matingnan kung babalik nga ang pagmamahal ko para sa sisig nila...

unfortunately.. it wasn't the case.. di katulad ng tootz.. na napamahal ulet ako...

nakakasawa ang Almer's

and this makes me a sad tomasino

or baka masama lang talaga yung gravy nila... nawala yung sarap ng sisig nung nag-gravy na ko eh.. tsk tsk...

or sadyang bumabaho lang talaga ako kaya ayaw ko na sa almer's?

oh well papel.. alam ko na kung san ako kakain bukas

rama: rekindling the love

hayyyy buhay

napakaginhawa talaga

kumain ulet ako sa Mang Tootz.. after tootzless days.. at ung usual inorder ko.. sisig at breaded chicken with garlic ranch sauce and extra rice... this time.. masarap na talaga handa nila.. di katulad nung last time.. putcha.. lasang panis yung sisig.. matigas tigas yung kanin.. tapos lasang tubig gripo yung.. tubig.. na galing sigurong gripo..

pero ngayon

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet

sobrang nakaka-high yung tamis ng breaded chicken nila na lasang itlog.. at yung sisig nila na mamantika at puro sibuyas.. sheeeeeeeet...

pero ang talagang nagpasarap nung experience eh.. ang banana rama!

holy shit.. grabe.. masarp na ulet ang rama nila.. di na mga hilaw na saging ang ginagamit... tapos naglalagay na rin sila ng sarsa.. grabe!

sobrang di talaga ulet ako kakain dun... para di ako magsawa...

next stop.. Almer's!

void

there is a room... in manila... waiting for me...

it will be a small square room with orange walls and the clouds with be its ceiling and the darkness of space will serve as the floor...

it will have no doors or windows...
but I will be able to enter and exit the room freely...

lights will be dancing around the room bringing with it a scent of lavender...

books and worn clothes will be everywhere... the room will be messy...
but amidst the chaotic environment... I shall be at peace...

a tree will grow out from the middle of the room... it shall have every kind of fruit hanging from it... and I can freely take any fruit I want...

it will be a room where love and hate are just sets of letters that do not bear any meaning at all...

it will be a room where the self is not subjected to illusions of pain and pleasure...

no longer shall the existence of the room and of mine will be of no value in the fixed construct...

within the room I will be able to breathe... without me the room shall only be a void...

sisig hunt: aftermath

I don't want to sound cliche by saying that my marginal utility for sisig around UST has gone negative...

...but apparently thats the case...

halos magiisang buwan na kong di kumakain ng sisig sa may uste.. either umuuwi na ko ng maaga.. or nag-eexplore ako around UST...

siguro dahil rin sa ulan kaya di ako kumakain sa tootz o almer's lately... pero I dunno... mas may panahon na ko maglaro ng guitar hero: world tour sa corner ng p nov at ng dapitan keysa sa sisig...

napansin ko na medyo Darren Aronofsky's Requiem For A Dream ang nangyari sa affair ko with sisig... sa una eh sobrang enjoy ako.. at pakiramdam ko eh this will be the best thing ever at tatagal siya hanggang umalis ako ng uste... pero habang tumatagal.. wala nang ngiti sa aking muka pag umaalis sa establishimento ng mga kainan ng sisig.. naiinis na ko pag napupuno ang aking tiyan.. at di na ko ganun ka-atat habang nasa pila ng tootz o naghihintay ng order sa almer's

law of diminishing marginal utility nga...

kaya lately.. mga Wendy's burger ang iniibig ko... lalo na yung quarter pounder nila.. pero 145 pesos.. compared sa singkwentang binabayad ko sa tootz o almer's.. pero natuto na ko... alam kong balang araw di na ko ganun ka-satisfied at high pag nakatapos ako ng isang burger ng Wendy's..

matutulad rin ito sa lost love ko for:
 - DQ Oreo Blizzards
 - Lucky Me Sweet and Spicy Pancit Canton
 - McDonald's Double Cheeseburger Deluxe
 - siomai
 - McDonald's Chicken Fillet McSavers Meal
 - McDonald's Sausage McMuffin with Egg
 - Clover Chips

kaya kelangan kong masubukan ang Baconator habang binebenta pa siya

at the end of it all.. there's still hope.. na baka bumalik ang pagkawili ko sa mga sisig ng uste.. subalit maaring hindi ito katulad ng bliss ng first love ko sa sisig...

number nine.number nine.number nine.

The Beatles' Revolution 9 on repeat while doing a blog entry on 09.09.09... is the most absurd thing I've done so far.. on multiply

listening to the song isn't the most fabulous thing ever...

and trying to think of... something to write... while... dadaist music is playing loud... is...

I'm finding it difficult to even focus on typing sentences that make sense... well my blog entries rarely make sense... and I guess... listening to a seemingly senseless song... might hopefully... do a negative*negative=positive effect on me... me?

well no... I seriously can't think clearly...

it feels like some bad acid trip or something...

now I changed the song to While My Guitar Gently Weeps... just to get rid of the bitter taste off my tongue..

*after the song*

okay.. back to Revolution 9

okay...

college won't be the most fabulous of experiences if I'll be with my classmates for four years... they're not my crowd... of course I can endure four years with them.. its college.. college is more about studying hard and less about the people you are with... lalo na pag the people you are with would most likely end up in office spaces...

I'd study in La Salle if we had the money.. or I dunno.. andun ba talaga crowd ko? baka mag-inglesan lang kami at magsuot ako ng mga conyo wear from Topman or whatever...

my wallet stays in uste

dahil sa halagang 35 pesos.. may tapsilog ka na... na kasing dami ng isang shot glass.. at itlog na kasing laki ng isang chips ahoy cookie... at libreng tubig sa stainless steel na cup!

hay buhay.. napaka-ginhawa talaga..

lalo na pag binabaha sa may uste...

di ko siguro ipagpapalit ang mga araw na masa-stranded ako sa uste sa kahit anong maginhawang karanasan sa ibang unibersidad... kung pinoy ka nga talaga.. kelangan mong pagdaanan ang hirap na dinaranas ng ating mga kababayan... and its not just for the sake of experiencing it... yun eh para maintindihan mo ang sitwasyon ng mga taong mas pinili di magsikap kahit papaano...

magandang argument rin kasi yung "they chose to be that way and I choose to live comfortable"

pero ganun na ba tayo ngayon? ang mga nagsasarili na lang? at pinapabayaan ang kapakanan ng mga kasapi natin?

yun sa tingin ko ang problema ng... buhay... na ang mga nasa taas tumataas at ang mga nasa baba ay namamarginalize...

pero pwede rin natin 'to tingnan not as a problem.. but as something that naturally occurs in societies.... nakasaad sa On the Origin of Species ni Charles Darwin ang natural selection.. nakasaad sa Principles of Biology in Herbert Spencer ang survival of the fittest.. ang mga nasa baba ay tuluyan dapat mawala dahil sila ang humihila ng standard of living pababa...

... at pag nawala ang mga nasa baba?

papalitan ba ng pinaka-mababa sa highest strata of society ang mga dating linalait-lait lang nila? o magkakaroon rin tayo ng isang utopia kung saan lahat ay nagsisikap at nakukuha ang gusto nila at di umaasa sa iba para mabuhay?

kung ako tatanongin... mas gugustuhin kong tuluyang maglaho ang mga mahihina.. dahil in one way or the other... kagagawan rin nila ang kanilang demise... di mo naman pwedeng asahang darating na lang sa'yo ng kusa ang fruits of labor kung wala nga naman talagang labor... diba?

ang buhay ng taong nangongopya lang ay heavily dependent on social relations... take society away from them.. and they might perish... but I do not believe that they should be frowned upon.. its the process that works for them... it may not be the right thing to do... pero pwede rin i-contest ang moral standards ng society dahil... ano nga ba talaga ang tama? just because everyone's doing it doesn't mean its right... following that argument... just because everyone things that killing is bad and stealing is bad.. doesn't mean that it is right...

are you gonna counter that with there are exceptions to the rule? but wait... just because you want something or everyone wants something to be exempted from that rule.. doesn't mean that it should be... that is... if we are practicing freedom... and not freedom dictated by yet to be proven entities...

because sometimes it feels right to shoot someone who had done you wrong... sometimes it feels right to steal something that was stolen from you...

cause it seems like... a lot of us are irrationally protecting ourselves from laws that can be easily taken advantage of... or at least those who can afford legal services...

again.. we go back to the survival of the fittest argument... and yeah.. it is a benefit or luxury of some sort to be able to take advantage of others who are of lesser status than you are...

or am I connecting wrong ideas to form one huge absurdity?

olden daze

"age is just a number, maturity is a thing of the mind" - Richmond Tehogo Akalugwa

spending time with my oldest classmates, Richmond Akalugwa and Zai Seng Kaew (both 23 years old), made me ponder on... where I stand...

I'm 17.. my classmates are as old as I am.. or at least a year younger than I am... and yet I feel much more comfortable with people 6 years older than me...

am I mature already? I don't miss childhood.. and most of the time you miss something when you don't have it anymore... but does that mean that my childhood is still with me? I certainly did not hate my formative years... so I can't really say my "good riddance"

...or is maturity a concept young people coined to describe news reading, coffee sipping old people?

"some people use their youth as a passport to stupidity" - Richmond Tehogo Akalugwa

we all went through youth... and I'm pretty sure we had our stupid moments... its an inevitability that we will do something stupid... because apparently we haven't been through a lot to become wise enough to avoid stupid things...

eventually... there'll come a time where you will just have to stop making stupid decisions... and when will that be? its your call...

but the 'stupidity' Richmond is pertaining would probably be... the state of being too carefree... or not recognizing one's responsibilities... I can only speculate...

"wait, I'll just go to the CR" - Kenneth Francis Fernandez

my sister and her camera

I have nothing against those kids who love taking pictures of themselves...

memory card naman nila ang napupuno ng pagmumuka nila eh...

pero naiirita ako pag nagpapaka-vain sila at the expense of others...

bato bato sa langit... pero kapatid ko lang talaga ang target ko dito...

anyhow...

birthday celebration ng mami ko kanina.. at may handaan at cake...

at pag may birthdays.. most often than not... may picture taking...

naawa lang ako sa mami ko dahil habang binubuksan niya ang box ng cake... walang camera na kumukuha nung moment...

asan yung camera? nasa kapatid ko...

ano kinukuhanan niya? muka niya...

sure... may personal freedom naman ang kapatid ko... pero technically di sa kanya yung camera.. its the only digital camera in the house... and my analog cameras are out of film

naiirita lang talaga ako kasi... my sister would rather take pictures of herself... than my mom during her special day... it's a load of bullcrap... na-awa tuloy ako sa mami ko... so para saan yung regalo mong damit kung hanggang sa araw lang na yun mo maipapakita ang concern mo?

I'm getting sick of multiply albums na may title ng isang event.. tapos puro muka rin nila ang laman.. at pareparehong pose lang rin...

in a way...

nawawala ang essence ng photography... well.. that's what I believe... kayo na bahala mag-defend ng sarili niyo.. dahil syempre... pag natamaan kayo.. ako ang mali at kayo ang tama... lagi naman diba?

or ang argument niyo is... I don't understand...

true.. I really don't understand why people would fill their memory cards with pictures of themselves... in the same pose.. over and over... and post it on the internet...

ever heard of the paradox of value, kids?

what I am afraid of... is mawawala yung creative essence ng photography... parang... in the future.. we'll get tons and tons of faces na naka-pout or whatever.. and photography as an art will be like the 5 peso baons our parents used enjoy... but it sounds too absurd to ever come to fruition..

so please.. do me a favor.. and turn the camera lens the other way around and start capturing memories...

bagsakan

ang mga kaklase ko... at pati ako na rin siguro...

pero pansin ko lang sa mga kaklase ko...

napaka-pessimistic nila.. waw.. look who's talking...

pero seriously... lahat sila eh puro "babagsak ako" "debar na" at ang aking favorite "simulan niyo nang mag-inquire sa FEU"

ako rin mababa grades ko eh... PE pa lang ata uno ko.. at lahat puro tres.. at 2.75... 2.25 ata ako sa major subject.. yung eco 201... at bagsakan lahaaaaaaaaat ng prelim exams ko...

pero c'mon.. look at me.. di ako nangangamba at nagsasabi "putang ina pare babagsak ako sa putang inang insert subject here! puta pare debar na ko! tangina alalahanin mo na lang ako pag nawala na ko sa uste! puta"

I've learned from the 1st half of the semester.. na kelangan talagang mag-aral sa kolehiyo... lalo na sa unibersidad ng sandaliang termino... otherwise... I can transfer to beda and be like my beda high friends na puro uno ang mga grades...

kaya di na ko na-aawa dun sa mga kaklase kong nanganganib... kasi sila rin yung may kasalanan kung bakit olats sila sa recitation at quizzes... kala nila basta basta lang makakapag-shift sa ibang kurso pag nanganganib na sila sa subjects nila...

this is UST, kids... kaya sobrang grade school-ish ang entrance exam nila kasi ang tunay na pag-sala sa mga studyante ay during the first few years of your stay in the university... unless college of commerce ka... good for you...

matagal na kong di nakakagawa ng blag entry... ewan ko ba kung baket