the limbo of love

you either want it or do you don't

the human brain is a capable enough supercomputer to discern when something is truly worth it. unfortunately, it's bogged down by how well it overthinks what has satisfactorily thought of and derails the entire decision-making process.

as for me, i've long decided that i'm not truly "the one", and that all i want is the perks of being thought as such. and forcing yourself to play that role is too much of a responsibility. i learn quickly enough. and moving forward, being in a place of being "there but not quite" has put me in an uncomfortably tranquil situation where i can and will make the most of a bad situation.

when you're merely de facto, and have gotten comfortable in it, being de jure stops making sense.

nous sommes somes

i speak of my self doubts online

everything must be worked for, either by your hands or by someone else. but somehow after working for something i sought out, now that it's well within my grasp, i don't feel i deserve it and that i should just step away.

maybe because i know there's something better out therr, maybe i find fulfillment in the pursuit rarher than the finish, maybe i don't truly want happiness for myself.

whatever the reason, i'm constantly faced with massive doubts. but it's not about only me anymore...

...i have someone else to consider now.