nagaaral ako tapos bilang may na-amoy akong iniihaw na liempo

kaya naisipan kong bumalik sa friendster

oo, may koneksyon yun... maniwala ka saken.

linibot ko ang friendster (na siyempre, naka-anonymous) at di ko akalaing magiging isang time capsule ang websayt na ito.

dito ko binabalikan ang masalimuot kong kabataan kung saan ang ka-weirdo-han ko ay buhay na buhay pa. sinubukan kong alalahanin ang mga nakasulat sa profile ko dati, kaso nga lang di ko forte ang pag-alala ng kahit ano, so ang tanging tagapag-paalala ng aking nakaraan sa friendster ay ang mga profile pictures ko.

noon ay ginagamit ko pa ang 7250 ng aking ina para kumuha ng letrato at gumastos ng kinse pesos para lang ma-send sa e-mail ko at ma-upload sa friendster upang gawing profile picture. pa-goth pa ko nun at walang pimples. kahiya-hiya, oo. pero wala akong magagawa, ganun talaga ako. kaya siguro naiintindihan ko kung pano gumana ang utak ng mga pa-cool, dahil I was once there. pero di ako nagpapaka-goth dati para magmukang cool sa paningin ng ibang tao, ginagawa ko talaga ang ka-goth-an na yun para sa sarili ko talaga, dun ko nararamdaman na may kinalulugaran ako sa mundong ito, kahit ang pagiging goth ay pagiging out of place sa society.

dun pa lang eh, malalaman mo nang weirdo talaga ako. muka akong gago sa mga pose ko sa mga profile pictures ko, as ngayon iniisip ko "ano nga bang pumasok sa utak ko't ginawa ko yun?" so nung kabataan ko pa lang, sinisira ko na imahe ko. so ngayon talaga, dapat ang maging gelpren ko ay isang taong di alam ang aking history. dahil sa tingin ko naman eh nag-bago na ko. ata? ewan, weirdo pa rin siguro ako, kaso nga lang ngayon... aware ako na weirdo ako so di ko na sineseryoso sarili ko at pinagtatawanan ko na lang mga ginagawa kong ka-weirdu-han.

pero ewan ko ba, di naman ako nanghihinayang na puro ka-weirduhan pinag-gagawa ko noon. pero kahit ngayon, ka-weirduhan pa rin pinag-gagawa ko eh. sadyang ginawa ako ng diyos upang maging weirdo sa mundong ito. at tanggap ko yun. pero that doesn't mean na bawal ko baguhin.

dahil ang importante lang naman sa buhay ay maging masaya.

something in the way

"too much time is wasted on being shy"

...a former teammate said

and I dreamt of her again...

but this time it was different, it felt real...

yeah sure every dream feels real... but this felt like it could possibly happen

I wish it'll happen... although wishing alone isn't enough to make dreams into reality.. no matter how real your dream may feel

work for it, work hard...

cause in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

oo nga naman, di team sports ang basketball

may nabasa akong essay or blag entry siguro, pero sa peysbuk ko nakita na baka kinuha mula sa spot.ph... so sabihin na lang natin gawa niya.

whatever

nakakatuwang basahin ang mga gawa ni Lourd De Veyra... at mas lalong natutuwa ako kapag nagkakapareho kami ng sinusulat.

nabasa ko lang kanina, na mukang matagal na niyang ginawa, yung tungkol sa di pagka-hilig ng mga pinoy sa football. medyo nagkakatugma kami sa ilang punto, may mga punto akong mukang ako lang magiisip dahil baliw ako, at may mga punto siyang di ko man lang naisip.

na ang mga pinoy ay mahilig rin sa team sports... tulad ng basketbol.. so di lang si Pacquiao o Bata Reyes o si Vera ang minamahal ng bayan... mahal rin ng bayan ang Boston at Lakers!

kaso nga lang, sino ba pinapanood ng mga pinoy sa basketball? yung team as one functioning unit ba o si Kobe as a one man team?

pero pwede ring i-argue na di lang naman isang tao ang nagdadala ng isang team sa Finals.. tingnan mo si LeBron, hirap dalhin ang Cavs eh... so kelangan talagang may supporting cast ka.. tulad nila Gasol, Pippen, at Williams.

kaso nga lang sa sports equipment market, ang lumalabas individual sport pa rin ang basketball. Tingnan mo mga sapatos pang basketbol ng Nike at adidas, nakapangalan kila LeBron at Kobe at Durant at T-Mac at KG.. ikumpara mo naman sa football shoes, ang tanging sapatos na ipinangalan sa isang atleta ay ang R10 ni Ronaldihno.. matapos nun the shoes exist on their own.

enough about me bashing basketball, don't get me wrong, I play basketball... cause I have no other choice really. but when you're exposed to something for so long, you start to love it.

and the simplest answer why filipinos don't love football, is cause we just don't play it.

as simple as that...

wave back, you're a celebrity...

there have been considerably more people greeting me in ust ever since I joined the team...

football team that is

trouble is... I can't seem to remember names and faces easily. I know its a left brained or right brained thing, so being unable to both only means that I am utterly dumb.

and I'm not really the most outgoing of persons, so its not programmed into my head that I should immediately wave and say hi to someone who greets me. just this morning there was a guy who kinda looked like the guy I played with yesterday, but I'm not sure if he really is that guy... so he waved and gave me a nod, so I processed the information, then thought of what to do next... then I gave a friendly nod and the salute-ish thing I always do... so yeah... it took me.. more than a second to do something which every normal being should immediately be able to do.

and this afternoon, after going out of the building, a lady sitting on the AB Pav shouted my name... then I gave the lady a quizzical look but given that she was actually saying hi at me but I presumed she was from the women's team.. so I returned with a naive-ish hello.. yes from one side of the road to another.

and lastly, after spending time with my black posse... on the same spot where the lady greeted me, but this time it was waaaaaay more crowded with the kids ending their classes, I kept on hearing a lady scream my name... I'm not generally well known so I pretty much ignored it, and given that there really isn't any point in anyone calling me in the middle of an extremely crowded area.. I assumed it was the same lady who said hi... but.. why?

oh well... maybe I need to get rid of this introvertedness and shit

cause I too am a social being

dahil ang importante lang naman satin ay ang maka-iskor at di ang bansa

kaya siguro di mabenta ang football sa mga pinoy eh kasi... nasanay tayo sa basketball.. na high scoring

at sobrang nasanay na tayo iskor lang ang tinitingan... eh di na natin naiintindihan ang sport mismo... it becomes a game of numbers rather than a game of players on the field... or court...

kaya narealize ko rin, nakakabadtrip yung mga taong iskor lang habol nung NBA Finals.. kabadtrip pag may magtetext ng update ng score tapos tatanongin ko "sino naka-iskor? ano FG percentage niya? pano siya naka-iskor?" pero syempre dahil iskor lang ang tinetext.. imahinasyon ko na lang ang gumagana... AND IT IS NOT THE FREAKING SPORT!

kaya I see no hope for Filipinos to develop a passion for football the same way other countries have... dahil ang importante sa atin ay iskor... at sa football.. the score doesn't say much... kung numero lang naman importante sa atin... mag-stock market na lang tayo!

yes I am pissed off.. pero siguro kasi bitter ako dahil mas gusto ng pinoy ang basketball keysa football... and basketball is a sport of tall people... which filipinos aren't... the dutch in general are suited for basketball because they're median height is considerably tall... and their passion sport is football... yeah sure its not bad to wish to be tall... but it just adds to the things that we try to become but obviously aren't... which prevents us in loving ourselves... and in turn loving our country...

oo, because of basketball we can't love our country... because we want to be something else... we see what we're lacking... and not what we have

so really... its not an issue of which sport should filipinos love... but why filipinos can't love their country because they love something which they obviously aren't

its sad... and I rarely see hope for anything

...now looking at the current state of our country, can you?

Mr. rightside

as much as possible I don't say sorry... and mean it

cause early on I learned that a child can never be right. what parents say is law and if you think otherwise, no matter how right you think you may be, you are wrong.

from then on I learned that we're all wrong in one way or another... and that we can always be right, all you need to do is to exploit what's wrong about the person and hope that you break the person down before he reveals your flaws.

yes... I believe I am always right.. rarely do I admit that I am wrong.. cause as long as you can persuade other people into thinking you are right... you will be right.

should I be a lawyer? I dunno... do lawyers have to be lawful people?

but yeah, I am being raised into a lawyer... so my benefactors should face the consequences of having someone who can right a wrong. otherwise, raise a doctor... or an accountant.

pers day sa sican yir

cliche blog entry nanaman po

pero yeah... this is the weirdest pers day ever... ewna ko ba kung baket

siguro dahil kasi sa bagong bintana, hello lush greeneries and polluted skies of manila. pero ang weird talaga, di ko gets kung baket... parang.. may iba... AY OO! irreg na kasi yung bespren kong negro. and it saddens me na most of his subjects kukunin niya sa kabilang section. pero ayos lang, marami pa rin namang negro sa eco1. tulad ni Uche... na mukang i-e-enjoy ko ang company niya.

dahil world cup nanaman...

mas mapaguusapan pa rin ang NBA Finals

kasi naman, ang madalas na reklamo ng mga pilipino sa football ay antagal maka-iskor. ang paboritong linya na narinig ko mula sa isang kaibigan ko "kabadtrip yan eh 'no? pag 80 minutes ka nang naglalaro tapos 0:0 pa rin ang iskor"

at napaisip ako, baket iskor lang ang pinapansin ng mga tao sa isang sport?

siguro kasi tayo'y isang basketball loving nation at nasanay tayo sa high scoring games kaya nakakapanibago ang isang laro kung saan sobrang madalas umiskor ang isang team.

pero naisip ko naman...

siguro ang mga taong di maka-appreciate sa football ay mga taong walang hilig sa sports

kasi sa basketball, madaling malaman kung anong team ang nagpeperform ng mabuti at kadalas yun yung team na may lead. so sa isang tinginan pa lang alam na ng isang viewer ang performance ng dalawang teams. pero sa football, mas dapat pansinin kung ano ang nangyayari sa pitch keysa kung ano ang nangyayari sa scoreboard. so importanteng pinagtutuunan mo ng atensyon ang laro.

pero naisip ko rin...

na baka di colonial mentality ang dahilan kung baket mabenta ang basketbol sa pilipinas

kasi kung cononial mentality nga, edi dapat mabenta rin sa atin ang american football. sadyang kinalakihan ng bansa natin ang basketbol... kahit di tayo isa sa mga top basketball countries.

sports... kung saan sa individual events lang nagsa-succeed ang pilipinas

says a lot about our country eh?

summer ends

and I am quite hesitant to go back to class

...not because I wish I was studying elsewhere, although I am one of those smart ass kids who thought they had a good chance of passing UPCAT. I did however passed UPLB's standards, but my dad knew I was a latent communist and a far away commie haven isn't something he'd want me to stay in.

looking back, I think it was a good call from him. I think I'd be better off in the royal and pontifical university with my new found friends.

and by friends, I mean 20-something year old black people and 20-something year old people who left their militarized country.

cause really, I can't imagine myself being able to survive UST without them. I'd be like the knoller classmate of mine who hated my guts. She'd probably hate me more if I followed suit and transferred to UPD as well. but I think it'd be better for her to not see me anyway.

I noticed lately, that the age baracket of my friends have been on the extremes. like, I'd either have friends who are really young or friends who are much older. Here at home most of my friends are 9 to 12 years younger than me and at school my friends are 5 to 7 years older than I am. Its kinda absurd, but I seem to have a hard time getting along with people of my age. Maybe because age is just a number, and how we conduct ourselves isn't necessarily in tune with our age. So the reason why I have friends younger than me is that I am maybe young at heart and I still have this youthful naivete which drives me to become curious about the world and it's quirks. And I have older friends is cause they stand as entities which help me discover more cause they've experienced life more and they can share their wisdom with me.

and yeah... curiosity killed the cat, killing something which has nine lives... that's a huge feat. so in theory, curiosity can easily kill a human being... look at the Curies.

but oh well.. I'd rather die because of my curiosity, hello Steve Irwin, than to remain unmoved like a stone.

cause a ship in a harbor is safe but that is not what ships were built for.

sun, sun, sun here he comes

ang swallow ay isang bird... and I'd like to have a swallow bird someday... and I will name it Swallow... and I will teach it tricks to make it come to me.. I'll order it to come by saying "Swallow, come!"

anyway..

I just can't get over the whole Seaman thing in South Park

you are not my friend if you don't see the humor in "Swallow, come!"... seriously... I found myself rolling on the floor lauging out loud when I heard that...

but on a much more serious note... but really, anything can be more serious than the "Swallow, come" gag

sooooooo yeah... the dark clouds are upon us... again, I will find it very depressing... as with every rainy season... but I do hope that the weather remains consistent.

why?

cause if the weather remains consistent, meaning depressingly cloudy with a few drizzling here and there, then we might not face another Ondoy. cause like, I'd rather have it rainy all year long than have it rain so hard in one weekend.

or wait.. maybe I'd rather have another Ondoy.

being the cold hearted bastard that I am, I think it would be more beneficial on my part to have another super typhoon. cause for one, our place isn't susceptible to flooding and when Ondoy drowned Marikina and Pasig, the water levels here were only up until our ankles. another justification would be less class for me, cause to be honest I think high school education seemed to be more worth studying than college.. or maybe I haven't had enough major subjects yet to be interested in college. and lastly, I want another Ondoy to happen because the insurance company where my tita works will be full of salvaged goods. That's like instant 75% off on clothing and shoes and hygeiene stuff.. which I definitely need but definitely don't use much.

yes, I am a caveman

but yeah, I am not a fan of the gloomy weather. I used to like it grey all around, but I kind of pussied out and started to love the vivid colors I see with the sun around.

yes, I am also a hippie

so I am a caveman hippie who wants a Swallow bird to come

...not much of a blog entry, innit?