i struggle with the "here and now" because my "here and now" doesn't seem to be worth living.
this is, in fact, a grossly inaccurate estimation of the value of my life, because i'm pretty certain a vast majority of people in the world would want to live my life be it for economic, health, or social reasons. we have a lot to be grateful for with the lives we live, but somehow after the struggle stops becoming real, we try to fabricate conflicts that give us a sense of duty to work towards.
i think all we truly need is the feeling of being useful.
it's not like we decide when are we useful, it is dependent on the problem we are addressing. we can find instances where we can be useful, yeah, but we're not always the right fit to do the job. we will always have holes in our skill sets that prevent us from making a real impact.
that's the problem with the nature of work that i do, where i do everything, but i'm not good at everything, so there will be instances where i feel like shit, and i compensate by looking for things that make me feel like i have a purpose.
Friday, August 18, 2017
Thursday, August 17, 2017
pepera
do what you can to make the present better.
for the past couple of years being stuck in an office desk as an employee, i've spent majority of my unproductive time online window shopping and researching things i can spend money on to make my life better. it's pretty therapeutic and gives a sense of solution to my otherwise problemless situation.
it becomes a vicious cycle of buying, being satisfied, wanting more, and buying again. it tricks my brain into thinking that i'm solving my constant need for new. it becomes a practice of endless consumerism, that while it covers some holes, but it never really solves deeply rooted issues. it makes you look onward to future "solutions", but it blinds to you the needs of today.
for the past couple of years, i've had more money than i ever had that if my student self had this much access to money, i'd be more resolved as a human being. but that isn't the case, i feel like more money is just a precursor to more possibilities, and that includes experiences, triumphs and turmoils.
more money won't solve my problems.
maybe i fail to address the current issues i face by focusing instead on solvable problems by spending money. i need to do a review of my life and set my priorities straight. real problems require real solutions, and i don't think money provides real resolution, making time, putting in the effort, and perhaps dropping what's unnecessary.
for the past couple of years being stuck in an office desk as an employee, i've spent majority of my unproductive time online window shopping and researching things i can spend money on to make my life better. it's pretty therapeutic and gives a sense of solution to my otherwise problemless situation.
it becomes a vicious cycle of buying, being satisfied, wanting more, and buying again. it tricks my brain into thinking that i'm solving my constant need for new. it becomes a practice of endless consumerism, that while it covers some holes, but it never really solves deeply rooted issues. it makes you look onward to future "solutions", but it blinds to you the needs of today.
for the past couple of years, i've had more money than i ever had that if my student self had this much access to money, i'd be more resolved as a human being. but that isn't the case, i feel like more money is just a precursor to more possibilities, and that includes experiences, triumphs and turmoils.
more money won't solve my problems.
maybe i fail to address the current issues i face by focusing instead on solvable problems by spending money. i need to do a review of my life and set my priorities straight. real problems require real solutions, and i don't think money provides real resolution, making time, putting in the effort, and perhaps dropping what's unnecessary.
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