shit, gusto ko siya.
kahit gano karami ang i-tukso saken o ang matipuhan ko, di ko magawang ibaling ang tingin ko sa iba.
ilang blag entry ko na sigurong kine-kwento ang babaeng tinatawag ko lang na 'this girl I like so much', ayaw ko pang sabihin pangalan niya dito. baket? una, kasi I might jinx my pursuit. at panglawa, she doesn't have the most google-proof name. parang i-type mo nga lang sa google yung pangalan na she's commonly called, 1st page pa lang lalabas na kaagad friendster profile niya.
ancheesy oo, pero masyado akong torpe para lapitan siya out of nowhere at magpakilala.
olats ako sa mga taong may gusto ako. although generally olats talaga ako sa mga babae, sadyang mas olats ako kapag may pagtingin ako. dahil... ewan. ano nga ba kinakatakutan ko?
naalala ko tuloy yung pelikulang Groundhog Day kung saan paulit-ulit na gumigising sa isang araw si Bill Murray. sa pelikulang iyon ko napagtanto, what's stopping me from doing certain things? then it hit me... CONSEQUENCES. mas malakas ang loob ni Bill Murray gumawa ng kung anu-anong bagay nung nalaman niyang stuck siya sa groundhog day, kasi bukas parang walang ring nangyari, alaala na lang ng araw na isasabuhay niya pagkagising niya ulet.
kaya tanongin natin, sa ka ba takot?
sa rejection?
takot ka dahil?
maaring pag nakita niya ulet ako eh may awkward na atmosphere?
pano ka nakakasigurong mangyayari yun?
di naman talaga ako sigurado eh, isa yun sa posibilidad.
pero baket yun yung iniisip mo kaagad?
kasi pessimist ako.
at sa tingin mo ba magkakatuluyan kayo sa ganyang attitude?
pag nagkaroon ng mirakulo, oo.
ayun nga, kaso nga lang minsan mo na lang siya makita at minsan lang rin mangyari ang mga mirakulo, kaya sobrang slim na yung pagkakataon na mangyari yan.
ngunit naniniwala akong may ginagawang paraan ang universe para magkatuluyan kami!
ang fanny mo! but seriously, ano hinihintay mo? groundhog day?
hmmm... oo nga 'no. maghihintay ako para sa groundhog day! pero di yung literal na sa bawat pagtulog ko eh magigising ako sa parehong araw at maging stuck sa isang cycle. walang napapala ang ganun! kaya hihintayin kong magkaroon ng pagkakataon na non-factor na ang consequences ng actions ko!
at kelan naman yun?
pagka-gradweyt niya sa uste!
seriously?! maghihintay ka ng isa pang taon para magpakilala? pano?
sa peysbuk, mag-me-message ako sa kanya. or sabihan ko yung 8 naming common friends na sabihan siya.
sa tingin mo ba epektib yan? and besides, isang taon yun pare! sa tingin mo ba maghihintay siya para sa stalker? ang masaklap pa dun, di ka pa super hot o accomplished sa buhay! lousy pare.
pero... ewan. bale sa tingin mo kelangan ko nang magpakilala as soon as possible?
the sooner the better syempre. para pag nag-fail ka ngayon, di ka manghihinayang sa panahong sinayang mo at mas mabilis kang makakahanap ng iba. o better yet, mas mabilis mong marerealize na tatanda kang binata!
siguro nga, walang nararating ang mga di nagkukusa. kumbaga in english, you can't get there if you don't take the first step.
no, don't think of it that way. you've already taken the first step. no matter how creepy it may sound like, getting to know her without her knowing it (read: stalking) is a first step. now you have to take another step forward! or if you think stalking her for almost a year is the other step I was pertaining to, then take the leap.
I guess so... yeah. thanks. if only you weren't just some fabricated persona which makes me look... schizophrenic.
but anyway, that conversation just made me... more than creepy. cause being a stalker alone is creepy in itself, but talking to oneself in a public blog? that's just... disturbing.
disturbing enough to make me want KFC.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
y'know, truth is...
...it ain't absolute.
no matter how real something feels like. for all we know everything is an illusion. when we dream, we rarely are aware that we are dreaming until we wake up. we are aware that a dream is just a dream because it never has any form of continuity, whereas in the waking world, most often than not, we lie on the same bed we fell asleep in. until we fall asleep again and probably dream, a dream is but an episode of unknown origin, and purpose.
*this is where science ends and fictional literature begin*
a year ago today, I kept having frequent dreams of a girl I like so much. never had I experienced dreaming of the same person again and again and again. I then dismissed it as my subconscious satisfying my need to be with the girl. but a semester after, I was heavily engrossed with Hindu philosophy... every thought and action was influenced by Hindu beliefs. so then I developed this idea, given the assertion that the universe (Brahman) and our soul (Atman) flows as one, that dreams are messages of the universe to us.
thinking that the universe foreshadows what will happen, I started to develop an Islamic notion of surrendering to the will of Allah.
woah... wait, Allah? I thought we were talking about Brahman and Atman?
I believe in a pluralistic god. same god, different names from different cultures. I think its the god which remains the same, but its the culture in which the religion grew in which molds the dogma associated to the religion.
so I believe that all religions each have truth in them, some may contradict each other, but there will always be one unifying notion of something to hold on to because there really are things which we can't explain. science and empiricism gets the job done to a certain extent, but things deemed foolish by intellectuals such as faith and freak occurrences called miracles are what religion is there for.
I used to be some pseudo-intellectual who believed that god didn't exist and eventually doubted the non-existence of a god. now look at me, a kid who does not only believe in a god, but a few other more. it sounds absurd, but really, life can take a convoluted turn and change you into someone you didn't knew could possibly exist.
who knows? we probably are wrong after all.
no matter how real something feels like. for all we know everything is an illusion. when we dream, we rarely are aware that we are dreaming until we wake up. we are aware that a dream is just a dream because it never has any form of continuity, whereas in the waking world, most often than not, we lie on the same bed we fell asleep in. until we fall asleep again and probably dream, a dream is but an episode of unknown origin, and purpose.
*this is where science ends and fictional literature begin*
a year ago today, I kept having frequent dreams of a girl I like so much. never had I experienced dreaming of the same person again and again and again. I then dismissed it as my subconscious satisfying my need to be with the girl. but a semester after, I was heavily engrossed with Hindu philosophy... every thought and action was influenced by Hindu beliefs. so then I developed this idea, given the assertion that the universe (Brahman) and our soul (Atman) flows as one, that dreams are messages of the universe to us.
thinking that the universe foreshadows what will happen, I started to develop an Islamic notion of surrendering to the will of Allah.
woah... wait, Allah? I thought we were talking about Brahman and Atman?
I believe in a pluralistic god. same god, different names from different cultures. I think its the god which remains the same, but its the culture in which the religion grew in which molds the dogma associated to the religion.
so I believe that all religions each have truth in them, some may contradict each other, but there will always be one unifying notion of something to hold on to because there really are things which we can't explain. science and empiricism gets the job done to a certain extent, but things deemed foolish by intellectuals such as faith and freak occurrences called miracles are what religion is there for.
I used to be some pseudo-intellectual who believed that god didn't exist and eventually doubted the non-existence of a god. now look at me, a kid who does not only believe in a god, but a few other more. it sounds absurd, but really, life can take a convoluted turn and change you into someone you didn't knew could possibly exist.
who knows? we probably are wrong after all.
Monday, January 17, 2011
masyado nang maraming namumrublema
baket pa ko dadagdag diba?
kahit sabihin na nating di talaga kagandahan ang buhay at worth ranting siya. pero why bother? masyado nang maraming gusto dumada ng dumada at wala na atang natitirang taong handang makinig.
fortunately, isa ako dun.
kadalasan na lang, pinapakwento ko yung mga kaibigan o kasama ko. tapos ganun na yun hangagng huli, puro siya na lang nagsasalita.di naman sa minamasama ko ang kung sino mang maraming gustong sabihin o sinasabi, kung tutuusin mas gusto ko pa ngang maging katulad nila.
kaya siguro ako na lang lagi yung nakikinig kasi wala talaga akong masabing may katuturan. prime example na siguro blag ko. kung tutuusin naman kasi dito lang naman ako naglalabas ng hinaing at di sa kaibigan dahil #1: mauuna pa silang mag-salita bago ako, #2: sabaw ako lagi, #3: I have trouble organizing my thoughts, and #4: magkwe-kwento lang naman ako para magpatawa.
unless na lang malapit kitang kaibigan, at ku-kwentuhan... actually hinde... kumbaga eh, kapag malapit kitang kaibigan, para kang writer ni Thomas Aquinas. dahil siyempre ayon sa Philo prof ko, ang style daw ni Thomas Aquinas eh meron siya iba't ibang secretary na handang isulat ang kung anu mang pumasok sa isip niya depending on the topic. parang may secretary siya para sa metaphysics, o sa theology, o sa proof of god, o whatever. to put it in simple terms, bino-bombard ko sa mga theories ko ang mga malapit kong kaibigan.
at least di ko sila bino-bore sa problema ko na paki ba talaga nila kung sabihin ko. as if naman may mapapala sila pag nalaman nilang may problema ako. cynical, oo. pero ganun ako.
kahit sabihin na nating di talaga kagandahan ang buhay at worth ranting siya. pero why bother? masyado nang maraming gusto dumada ng dumada at wala na atang natitirang taong handang makinig.
fortunately, isa ako dun.
kadalasan na lang, pinapakwento ko yung mga kaibigan o kasama ko. tapos ganun na yun hangagng huli, puro siya na lang nagsasalita.di naman sa minamasama ko ang kung sino mang maraming gustong sabihin o sinasabi, kung tutuusin mas gusto ko pa ngang maging katulad nila.
kaya siguro ako na lang lagi yung nakikinig kasi wala talaga akong masabing may katuturan. prime example na siguro blag ko. kung tutuusin naman kasi dito lang naman ako naglalabas ng hinaing at di sa kaibigan dahil #1: mauuna pa silang mag-salita bago ako, #2: sabaw ako lagi, #3: I have trouble organizing my thoughts, and #4: magkwe-kwento lang naman ako para magpatawa.
unless na lang malapit kitang kaibigan, at ku-kwentuhan... actually hinde... kumbaga eh, kapag malapit kitang kaibigan, para kang writer ni Thomas Aquinas. dahil siyempre ayon sa Philo prof ko, ang style daw ni Thomas Aquinas eh meron siya iba't ibang secretary na handang isulat ang kung anu mang pumasok sa isip niya depending on the topic. parang may secretary siya para sa metaphysics, o sa theology, o sa proof of god, o whatever. to put it in simple terms, bino-bombard ko sa mga theories ko ang mga malapit kong kaibigan.
at least di ko sila bino-bore sa problema ko na paki ba talaga nila kung sabihin ko. as if naman may mapapala sila pag nalaman nilang may problema ako. cynical, oo. pero ganun ako.
Monday, January 03, 2011
i believe in god the father almighty
no, seriously... he speaks to me... by making shit happen to me.
cause a while ago during a family dinner with my aunts and cousins and all, I kept on saying "HAIL SATAN!" and after repeating the line every time I try to do something greedy on the dinner table, shit happened!
...my cheap touch screen phone got drenched in soda
...I slipped and my shin got hit by hard wood, and so did my head.
...and I go scorched by my uncle's cigarette.
GOD IS TELLING ME TO STOP HAILING SATAN!
...the last incident was a reminder how hot hell is!
...the 2nd incident was a reminder how I will be bludgeoned by satan's minions!
...and the 1st incident was a reminder that satan will take all of my possessions away!
those are 3 incidents... the number of absoluteness! THE HOLY TRINITY! 3 + 3 = 6 make it 3 digits... its 666!
666 IS REAL!
actually it gets creepier.. creepier.. mehehehe
before we left the place, a group of religious people was watching a documentary entitled...
666 IS REAL
SERIOUSLY GUYS, if that wasn't God speaking to me... its the Universe.. its Brahman! but point is these incidents are too creepy to just be dismissed as a coincidence. think about it... REALLY REALLY THINK ABOUT IT.
or just don't think about it, thinking and religion never did go too well together.
cause a while ago during a family dinner with my aunts and cousins and all, I kept on saying "HAIL SATAN!" and after repeating the line every time I try to do something greedy on the dinner table, shit happened!
...my cheap touch screen phone got drenched in soda
...I slipped and my shin got hit by hard wood, and so did my head.
...and I go scorched by my uncle's cigarette.
GOD IS TELLING ME TO STOP HAILING SATAN!
...the last incident was a reminder how hot hell is!
...the 2nd incident was a reminder how I will be bludgeoned by satan's minions!
...and the 1st incident was a reminder that satan will take all of my possessions away!
those are 3 incidents... the number of absoluteness! THE HOLY TRINITY! 3 + 3 = 6 make it 3 digits... its 666!
666 IS REAL!
actually it gets creepier.. creepier.. mehehehe
before we left the place, a group of religious people was watching a documentary entitled...
666 IS REAL
SERIOUSLY GUYS, if that wasn't God speaking to me... its the Universe.. its Brahman! but point is these incidents are too creepy to just be dismissed as a coincidence. think about it... REALLY REALLY THINK ABOUT IT.
or just don't think about it, thinking and religion never did go too well together.
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