guilty crucibles

when dreams fail to call me I am lost in thought, deep, harrowing, lonely.

though alienating, I feel a certain sense of fulfillment. I think, therefore I am. but no, I think, therefore I lay idle. life is not remaining unmoved. life is dynamic, life must be lived and thinking hinders me to act.

I think, therefore I am doing nothing.

doing nothing leaves me with all the possibilities and none of the achievements. it's sad, really.

so if no one else will throw the first stone, I am therefore given a chance to be first. first is good, first means you're daring, bold. but being first also means taking a risk, and not having any predecessors in which to base the path you will tread.

though many have crossed the bridge, I've yet to see mine. strangely enough, I've seen the destination but not the path.

cause looks can be deceiving.

such fleeting emotions they are

Our hearts are pretty young. I don't know, I dunno. Maybe yes, maybe no, but can I really argue?

Maybe it's wrong to be young, at times it really is. But it's not really how young you are, it's how mature you act. It is also not how old you are, but it's how youthful you still feel. What is appropriate for a beating heart to reciprocate? A decade apart? A year? A month? A week? A day? Or is it that moment you lay your eyes on someone, and time suddenly...

stop

it is never really logical, rarely can you find the right rationalization. maybe it's a biological reaction? could hesitation be essential? a lot has been through the most crippling of moments, leaving you unable to act on it.

it's stupid, believe it.

but it is what makes everyone else happy. the only thing making a tricycle slow is it's third wheel. such a hindrance perhaps? but no I still cannot say that I love you. not only have I grasped the concept of love completely, but I've yet to make that first step.

a step forward? I hope

a step sidewards? I can settle for that

or a step backward?

I hope never to live in dreams of bliss, that I may be able to make it into reality... no matter how it may suck, at least it's a step forward.

because time is a fixed construct.

alas dose na

pero gising pa rin ako... not that it matters to most of you.

siguro you guys'd be all like "psh... ako nga alas tres na natutulog eh" no, di ako nakikipag-pataasan ng ihi. kung may plano sana akong makipag-pataasan ng ihi di na sana ako nag-blag. dahil tanggapin na natin, di ko forte ang pagsusulat at wala naman talaga akong ma-ishowcase sa pag-ba-blag.

pero baket ba, eh sa gusto ko makapag-blag ulet dahil... ewan. it's a medium in which I can be public about what I feel and at the same time feel that it's kept secret because let's face it, multiply blogging is dying. pero tulad ng ekonomiya ng pilipinas nung recession ng america, wala ring pinagkaiba ang amount of readers ko dito... and god damn it, parang recurring theme na sa blag ko ang mag-reklamo tungkol sa lack of readership base ko. in a way, I'm breaking the fourth wall, either that or I get a bit too meta with my blog entries.

speaking of meta, di na ko makapag-hintay na bumalik ang NBA at payagan na ng judiciary ng america na mapalitan pangalan ni Ron Artest. gusto ko nang marinig mga commentators na sabihing "Metta World Peace for three!" at makakita ng World Peace Lakers jerseys. bago ako mamatay, gusto ko rin baguhin pangalan ko... ng Double Cheeseburger Deluxe.