you either want it or do you don't
the human brain is a capable enough supercomputer to discern when something is truly worth it. unfortunately, it's bogged down by how well it overthinks what has satisfactorily thought of and derails the entire decision-making process.
as for me, i've long decided that i'm not truly "the one", and that all i want is the perks of being thought as such. and forcing yourself to play that role is too much of a responsibility. i learn quickly enough. and moving forward, being in a place of being "there but not quite" has put me in an uncomfortably tranquil situation where i can and will make the most of a bad situation.
when you're merely de facto, and have gotten comfortable in it, being de jure stops making sense.
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